Relationship Guide #3: The Growth Process

Dear Readers,

Jason and I finally made it through another year – Happy TWO years babe!!!

(This blog is being released a day earlier, our official anniversary date is June 25)

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2 YEARS LATER… 

THE BIGGEST RELATIONSHIP LESSON WE LEARNED THIS FAR, IS GROWTH.

Looking back at it, the two years we’ve had truly feels like two decades… I still can’t fully believe that Jason and I had only been together for this short, when his presence in my life is so great… I feel like I’ve known him all my life. The memories still feels brand new, our conversations never fails to bore me, our laughter still feels pure from within, and our relationship feels so much stronger than it had ever been.

But without a doubt, there were a few bumpy roads along the way… we had our fair share of fights like most couples do, and some fights were bigger than the rest. As each fight came and ended, we grew, we learned, and we became better. All our fights were never left unsettled. Regardless of how annoyed we were of each other, or how badly I wanted to walk away, we always found a way back to solve the issues we created in the first place. As my dad always told me, “never sleep angry because you do not want to wake up angry too.” 

Jason and I, we are nowhere close to perfect… but we work ourselves towards it… we slowly push each other to become the better version of ourselves day by day. We formed our relationship to break our own ideals of perfection, while slowly embracing the flaws that make us a unique pair. Of all the people I grew with, Jason is by far the best one as he walks and grows with me little by little, day by day.

Key note: we walk and grow together, never alone.

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At this time in my life, I’m in no rush to have it all figured out. To my younger readers, I have one simple message for you all:

 “Your early 20’s is a time to grow and learn. Make a few mistakes and learn from it. Fall hard on your feet, and grow right after. And at the end of it all, learn and grow some more.”

Please take that message personally into your current and future relationships too. Things aren’t always going to be pretty and all figured out. Sometimes, a couple have to face some harsh and ugly situations to get through the beautiful parts of their relationships. And for the most part, a relationship is a constant, day by day process of trying to figure life out together. Figuring life out together as a pair, is what it’s really all about.

During this process of “figuring life out”, you will grow.

A relationship should also give you plenty of room to grow, both as a pair and as a person. Never stop growing for the sake of yourself or for your partner. There will never come a time wherein your personal growth will stop… it can only be slowed down. Trust me, even old people still continue to grow day by day, because age is just a number while growth is a part of your life forever. And this same holds true for a couple’s growth. It never stops, it just slows down. The biggest setback within a relationship, is learning how to push through the slower stages of growth. But after maneuvering yourselves out of this slow and dreaded path, everything else will come so much easier. drawing-gif-cute-couple-2.gif

Growth. The constant purpose and desire to grow, is the true fuel that ignites a lasting and solid relationship. Don’t ever stop growing. 

As you all may already know, Jason doesn’t like to be publicized – he keeps a low profile. But, you all know ME and I BLOG. So, to end all of this up, I want to write a cute little message to the man who gave me the inspiration to blog, and the support I need to turn my life into the dream I’ve always envisioned.

Dear Jason,

Thank you for being you. I love you so much and I can’t imagine how I would be like today without you impacting the decisions I make and being a part of all my growth. Thank you for keeping me grounded, for telling me I’m wrong when I insist on being right, and for always believing in me. Thank you for taking my Instagram photos and being my date on countless social media events. Thank you, for literally everything you do to make my life a whole lot easier. Happy two years my love, to forever to go.

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With love,

Mary Dezleigh Teodosio.

Relationship Guide #2: What to Buy for Valentine’s Day (FOR HER)

Dear Readers,

IT IS FINALLY FEBRUARY AND VALENTINE’S DAY (VDAY) IS ALMOST HERE!!!! 

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In celebration of the love month, I decided to share with you all 3 gift ideas for her – So gents, listen up as I try to help you get your shit together before VDAY. I know how stressful VDAY gift shopping can get, and I just wanted to make your VDAY gift shopping a little easier… a little sweeter… and a little more romantic!

VDAY GIFT IDEAS FOR HER 

#1 – Jewelry 

Jewelry is always going to be a great gift to give to your special lady. Unlike clothes, jewelry can be easily shopped for since you don’t need to select a specific size. Most jewelries are on a standard, one size fits all measurement, making it super easy to not fuck up the size… you know what I mean!

Jewelries easily eliminates the awkwardness of grabbing the wrong size… or making your partner feel a little insecure that you thought she was a LARGE when really she’s a MEDIUM… come on now, we all know how that feels.

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Of all the beautiful jewelries you can get your special lady, I highly recommend buying her a watch. A watch is a timeless piece that every woman will truly appreciate. Of all the watches to buy your partner, check out @Rosefield on Instagram or click here to shop: ROSEFIELD SITE

As a true influencer, please use my discount code “DEZLEIGHH” for 10% off your purchase. Thank you in advance! 

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Why I love Rosefield?

For three reasons:

-Elegant

-Feminine

-Beautiful 

And given the three words I listed, your special lady needs to feel like so too.

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Another fabulous gift idea for your beautiful girlfriend is a customized necklace with her name. As a female, I know how much women love personalized things and I know just how much your girlfriend/wife/potential gf/mom/grandma/auntie/side chick will love this customized necklace from @soufeeljewelry on Instagram or check out their website: Soufeel.

A customizable piece of jewelry gives any woman a strong sense of ownership, connection and joy. Without a doubt, this necklace will not disappoint and will only bring happiness to your lovely mate.

Trust me bro, you are going to make one special lady feel even more special with this customized necklace!

Shop using my discount code “Dezleigh15” for 15% off your purchase.


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#2 – Eternal Flowers 

It’s not a myth, it’s simply a fact… every woman loves FLOWERS, even more so on Valentine’s Day!

However, there is one thing that is super annoying with flowers… and that is, they don’t last very long. A beautiful bouquet of flowers that will cost you at least $40.00 if not more, will only last about a week if not 3 weeks max and then it will start to turn brown and slowly die… and that really sucks.

BUT I HAVE AN ANSWER FOR THIS PROBLEM!

Thank god for some genius who discovered/invented this, because now we have eternal flowers or forever flowers!!!

These flowers last up to a year without water or sunlight… and are 100% REAL!!!

For my Calgary gentlemen, I recommend buying these flowers from @lvsh.co on Instagram or check their site: LAVISH SOCIETY CO. 

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#3 – Customizable Pillow 

This gift idea is absolutely perfect for a sleepy girlfriend… or someone who just loves to be in bed all the time… (aka me). This gift is also perfect for cuddling and hugging!

@that_pillow_guy on Instagram creates fun, unique and awesome pillows that you can totally give your girlfriend/wife/mom/grandma/aunt/side chick this VDAY! Check out his site here: That Pillow Guy 

You can have any pillow made!!! May it be a photo from your wedding day, or a photo from your first date.. or a photo of your pets… or even your guys’ favorite emojis… whatever it is, you can turn it into a PILLOW!!!

Here’s ours:

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The photo printed on our pillow was from New Year’s Eve – December 31, 2018.

Story behind the image on our pillow:

Of all the New Year Eves I’ve ever had, that one was by far my favorite of all. Jason and I spent it together, just him and I… and it was so amazing!!!

We started the afternoon with dinner wherein I had pasta, then we went to the Calgary zoo lights, then we went to the casino… and by midnight we bought lottery tickets, followed by hotdogs and beers. It was purely the BEST.

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Well guys, I hope these 3 gift ideas gave you direction of where to start looking.

I wish you all a great Valentine’s Day – and remember… BOOK YOUR DINNER RESERVATIONS NOW… please don’t do it at the last minute!

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With love,

Mary Dezleigh Teodosio.

Relationship Guide #1: Holy Trinity

Dear Readers,

The other day, I was interviewed by a student in communications and broadcasting at the Southern Alberta Institute of Technology (SAIT), who was doing a project about local Calgary influencers. Among her questions was, “what got you into blogging in the first place?

And, just like that I’m here writing this post.

My blog, is a personal story of my life. An open book that tells stories of heartaches and love. Those who had been reading along with my stories since the very beginning will know that this blog was originally a “relationship and love” blog. Why I stopped writing about relationships and love… I really don’t know.

After, my traumatic experience of being cheated on, lied to, used, and completely being treated like trash… I built myself bigger, better, and brighter. I told myself, “one day, all  you will ever write about are the pretty things in life, all the positives, all the happy things, and all the good that is there in life.”

That’s when I lost a genuine piece of me, because by letting myself write my pain and sorrow showed a side of our being that we all have –  it showed both vulnerability and strength. The moment I stopped talking about my relationships and views about love, was the moment I lost my spark as a writer. There’s nothing more empowering and true than a woman who is speaking genuinely from her core. And tonight, I’m going to do exactly that.

On that thought, I kept thinking – maybe I should invest a portion of my blog to be one section devoted to act as a “Relationship Guide”. So here we are, as I welcome you to the first post in my “Relationship Guide” series, which I hope will become a monthly occurrence. (YAY – IM BACK BITCHESSSS!)

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My aim with these series:

  • allow myself to write expressively and freely again
  • be your serving guide towards a better and healthier relationship
  • release MONTHLY content

On that note, LET’S START !

In a perfect world, love is in abundance. In a perfect world, heartaches and being broken doesn’t exist. Yet we all know, the perfect world doesn’t exist until we reach heaven. But on earth, we try to make the best version of  our heaven that we can get.

Jason and I had been doing great. In fact, we barely fight. When we do, we often solve our issues as best we could and as fast as we can. Leaving things unresolved to linger longer is not really our forte.  Thus, being happy and at peace in a healthy relationship is not really the best case scenario for a relationship blogger who have readers more interested in heartbreak stories. Then I realized, maybe I should talk about what makes my relationship with Jason so great – and like a giant flickering light bulb, it dinged and hit me: I SHOULD TALK ABOUT THE 3 CORE THINGS A RELATIONSHIP NEEDS FOR IT TO LAST!!!! 

Throughout the years I had come to understand that a relationship needs 3 core things in order for it to last. I call these 3 core things, as the “Holy Trinity” – which consists of:

1.) Humility

2.) Patience

3.) Trust

HUMILITY

We all have egos bigger than the sun, and pride too strong to be ignored. Sometimes, our ego and pride can get the best of us… Sometimes, we act more towards what our ego dictates and what our pride can’t contain. In a relationship, acting out based on ego and pride is an ultimate path towards failure. But, I get it… sometimes it’s hard to apologize, or accept your fault, or to let an argument go, or to ignore the little things… Like I genuinely get it…

BUT…

There must come a point wherein both partners need to humble themselves down.

After an argument, remember that it’s always easier to “say sorry”,  than to yell your lungs out and create a bigger issue out of nothing.

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When you fuck something up, it’s easier to admit to it, than to keep denying your own faults. You’re human  and you’re not always going to be right – so just dial it back, and own up to your mistakes!!!! Remember – everyone in life must own up to their faults, because there is nothing worse than a person who lacks accountability. This advice is not just for personal relationships, it applies to everything!!!

When an argument stirs up, and you find yourself in complete conflict with your partner, don’t just sleep it out and “let it go”… voice yourself out… and make sure that at some point you two find a way to meet in the middle and understand each other’s views without putting your own views at stake.

Lastly, never ignore the little things… the little things like, “miscommunication”, “forgotten plans”, “lack of effort”, “strange behavior” , “unspoken actions”, “misguided thoughts”, and soooo much more issues that people typically consider as the “little things”,
should NEVER be ignored. Don’t let your ego tell you, “you don’t have time for this”, “don’t listen to this nonsense”, “he’s wrong, I’m right”, or “I have better things to do”.

Personally, I want people to reciprocate the amount of effort I give in a relationship, to communicate with me, and to understand that, even though my life is busy as it is, I always have time to listen and to talk… I may not always be the first one initiating the conversation, but when you need me, I’m there. So when I need to talk, even if it’s a “little thing”, you better be there to listen to me, as I would for you.

Put your ego aside, and for the right person, learn how to give as much as you take, listen as much as you talk, and accept that your flaws are just as equal as your partner’s flaws. Find joy in being humble, because the right person for you will be able to see the real you, through and through.

“You are not greater than your partner. sometimes, saying nothing at all is better than making any noise. Silence speaks more volumes than words ever will at times of anger”

PATIENCE

Just like many things, relationships will require huge amounts of invested time and tremendous amounts of patience. As life continues on, and the days feel shorter and shorter, I understand how people start to lose their patience with the people they love. Trust me, I’m very impatient myself.

But Jason has taught me, that not everything happens in one day.

The prettiest butterflies in the world, started as caterpillars – and just like butterflies, a relationship needs time to grow too.

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Do you want to know what’s a great test for patience???

Remember waiting for you partner to arrive as he is late for your dinner reservation… or waiting for him to come home so you can start your favorite Netflix shows… or waiting for him to text you back… or waiting for him decide on whether or not pasta for dinner is better than pizza. Remember, how patient you were in these situations because you knew how important these little things are to your relationship???

No matter what happened, even if your partner was running late, you still waited… and you never gave in and watched that Netflix show alone… (I mean you could had – but keep it hush hush 😂). That’s patience.

All of these…. are tests of patience… at the simplest kind. But to build onto this, consider how it feels when a promise is broken, or a simple favor was not completed… like you asking your partner to clean the washroom before you get home, but that task was still untouched by the time you got home, or even asking your partner to pick up some pads from the grocery store on his way home, but he somehow forgot… when promises are broken and effort is lacking, it can be pretty frustrating at certain times.

But you must remember: “BE PATIENT”.

Before you boil up and lose your shit – ask yourself: is this really worth fighting over with??? Maybe he had a bad day too??? Maybe he’s just as tired as you??? Maybe he did try to buy those pads, but the store ran out of pads???

Always ask, before acting out. (A lesson I need to apply for myself too)

“If your anger can be fixed in 30 minutes, why let it stay for long?”

Sometimes, it’s smarter to evaluate whether or not, a little forgotten task, or a little misunderstanding is worth a giant fight. Is it worth 30 minutes of anger??? Or can I use the 30 minutes of being angry to talk and figure out what went wrong???

Instead of fighting and arguing about it, use that time to figure it out… This is where patience really, really, really kicks in.

It takes a lot of patience to control your anger and act maturely… and sometimes, the best way to execute it, is to evaluate whether or not the fight is worth it to begin with. For the most part, everyday petty fights are not worth calling your friends over for wine night to vent out your frustrations, or yelling hysterically at your partner, or even calling the relationship “OVER” (don’t be that dramatic – note to self 😂😂😂).  Just learn to be patient and your relationship will reward you 100 times more. original.gif

TRUST

Above all things, learn how to trust.

For a lot of  people, trusting someone is super-super-super hard. Take me for example, I had been so hurt by some cheating asshole before, that trusting people to not hurt me again is literally super hard. The word “trust” just means so much to me, and I protect that word so much, that when I give it to you, you better protect that shit with your life.

Before Jason, learning how to trust other people was like learning how to fly – it was almost impossible and unattainable. Yet here we are – Jason Yang managed to bring out my wings, and now I’m soaring so high, I’m never going to fall again.

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For the most part, I still find it hard to trust Jason – especially when other females are involved.

But then again, I have to keep reminding myself that TRUST is the most important part of an effective and lasting relationship.

At times wherein you feel like your trust is missing or if you don’t want to give your trust away, JUST REMEMBER THIS:

“If he fucks up on you, that’s his loss sis. A true beauty like yourself, should never have time to entertain anything less than real”

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Even though it can be super difficult to trust someone, just believe me when I say, “give your trust to them now, and if they lose it, just cut them out forever”. This is the life motto that will get you places, believe me.

At the end of the day, any solid relationship will need a strong basis of trust. For a couple to last long, both partners need to try to protect and solidify their trust towards the relationship as a whole – not just on an individual level, but more towards trusting that the relationship you two have, have the capacity to sustain all trivial times and overcome any storms because the trust you two have on each other is built from pure gold.

HUMILITY, PATIENCE & TRUST: are all a relationship needs to succeed. These are the Holy Trinity of any relationship. Master these, and I’m sure that relationship will conquer and last for many, many, many years to come.

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With love,

Mary Dezleigh Teodosio