TWENTY-THREE

Dear Readers,

YOUR GIRL IS NOW 23!!!

My 22nd year of living literally felt like a storm. It all happened too quick, and so much has happened. From starting my 22nd year with my friends partying, to falling in love with Jason, to completing my final year of university, expanding my blog, discovering my future, and to travelling Kelowna… all of it happened within 365 days.

TODAY, I still stand the same influential, positive, charismatic, sweet and loving Dezleigh. The recent year taught me how to be braver, and matured me in ways I could never imagine. I learned that sometimes life will get so dark that keeping a positive outlook gets a little tough… yet, I learned that if you surround yourself with people who carry stars on their eyes, and the sun in their hearts… I learned that these people’s light and glow, will lead you out of your darkness.

At 22, I learned how to value my friends, family, and Jason even MORE.

To my friends, I owe them so much for being the support system I needed when I was emotionally drowning. They were my life vessel, that carried me through the days wherein I felt like giving up. Graduating university would never be the same if I didn’t have my friends by my side. My success is partially theirs. I am so blessed to have them in my life.

To my family, I’m so thankful to have such a loving and supportive family like the one I have. My aunts are my first best friends, who only want the best for me. My uncles are my first protectors, who are there to watch over my back. My dad is my idol, who showed me how to live life to the fullest no matter what. Steve is my superhero, who raised me into becoming a strong woman full of wisdom, courage, and bravery. My mom, is a goddess with the power to heal my broken wounds and empower my frightened soul to believe that nothing is impossible if I hustle, pray, and dream. My whole life would be meaningless without my family.

To Jason, throughout this whole year, you were by my side through each chapter – may it be good or bad. I am truly in awe and madly in love with you. You calm my storms, and make my sunny days last longer than normal. Through you, I had gained another family outside my family. Another branch in my family tree has been born because of you. Jonas, is like the brother I never had and your mom is like my second mom who graces me with gentleness and calmness. Above all, you had taught me so many things and I am just so thankful to have you around as I continue on with life.

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Now that I’m getting older, each birthday feels a little sadder than the year before. Perhaps, it comes with the sad realization that I’m aging and losing my youthful years. But when I remind myself of all the great memories I made, the accomplishments I earned, the people who love me, and the great life I live – all of these combined makes me so happy and makes me feel so blessed.

This year, I will be travelling to Vegas to celebrate my 23rd birthday. Our Vegas trip is only the first of all the great things to come this year!!!

To my Readers, thank you for keeping up with me throughout the years. Without your support in reading, liking my Instagram photos, and supporting all my content, I wouldn’t be the influential Dezleighh that I am today. Thank you for embarking my life’s journey with me.

I pray that all my plans, goals, and dreams will come true in my 23rd year of life.

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With love,

Mary Dezleigh Teodosio.

When Girls Hate Each Other…

Dear Readers,

Millennials today have a big problem.

Nowadays, millennials measure beauty by the amount of likes and comments a girl can get on her Instagram photos. Thus, competition among girls lead towards aggressive and more negative forms. Today, girls online will simply hate on another girl just because she’s posting so much selfies which is attracting hundreds of likes each time. If a girl is getting more online attention, views, and followings, this can attract female jealousy and female hate. Other than online popularity, the less popular girls have their own share of online critics too. Today, it’s hard to find a place for a girl to express herself without being criticized or hated upon. It’s difficult to ignore that online attention can amount to both positive and negative types.

In this particular post, I want to address negative female behaviours towards their fellow females. Specifically, I want to talk about females hating on other females solely because of what they see online.

The idea of hating on another girl just because of what she posts online is absolutely horrific and sad for me. Most of this online hate comes in the form of “hate comments”, for example, “you’re fat”, “you’re ugly”, “try hard”, “ew”, and best of all, “slut”.

When girls hate each other, we go against the whole idea of women empowerment.

When girls hate each other, we prevent rising females to lead in an influential way.

When girls hate each other, we destroy each other’s self-esteems, and crush each other’s spirits.

Instead of supporting each other, women are sooooo good at dragging each other down. 

I truly, do not support the idea of dragging each other down. One girl who doesn’t fit the mold of societal beauty does not deserve to be criticized for her appearances. An Instagram model flaunting her god given gifts should not be criticized either. Any form of hate towards another girl’s appearance, clothing, lifestyle, or beliefs are unacceptable. Remember, if a girl is posting stuff online that DOES NOT HARM YOU OR AFFECT YOU, her postings should be none of your business. Yet, women’s inborn jealousy and arrogance will inevitably cause hate towards other women who she may perceive as a “threat”, or as “someone who is better than her”.

What happened to women supporting other women?

It doesn’t matter how big or small a girl is, how many followers she has, or what type of photos she posts online, because at the bottomline of it all, no one has the right to judge another by the way he/she decides to live and share their lives online. If someone is sharing posts that truly bothers you, my best advice is to, “unfollow”…. if it’s at the point wherein that individual is harming your peace of mind, the next best advice I have is to, “block”. Truly, there is no sense in starting online wars if the drama prevention steps, such as unfollowing and blocking are so easy to follow.

An Instagram influencer who works so hard on providing content, capturing marketable images, and starting a brand for her name, should not be condemned as one who is, “seeking for attention and fake” – She’s simply making moves and making a name for herself. This girl works so hard to get her creativity out, to create the best pictures and share meaningful content… why the hell would hate on that, is it because you can’t do it like she does? 

A girl who may only have 50 followers, have a different body shape than most, and may have severe social skills, does not deserve to be bullied online either. Who gave you the right to drag someone down… especially someone who is fighting her own battle against depression, handling her own mental issues and dealing with her other personal problems… This girl already has too much on her plate, and dealing with unnecessary online drama is punishment she does not deserve…who made you so perfect that you can freely criticize her appearance or life? 

We all have our battles. 

The online world is a cruel place to be for those who do not have tough skins, and strong minds. I feel bad for those girls who are always being put down on social media. Worst of all, I feel awful for those girls who lack confidence in themselves and thus feel the need to drag others down with them. Those girls who are so negative online, are the worst types of girls… I think that female online bullies have insecurities bigger than the girls they’re trying to drag down.

Females are just jealous creatures in nature. But this jealousy does not need to surmount your inner good. To type hateful comments online and to actively promote bullying requires action which is derived from one’s corrupted mind and heart. Instead of drawing energy from this, why can’t females just focus on the good instead?

Instead of promoting hate towards other females, why can’t we all just unite and support each other. Instead of commenting, “you suck”, why won’t you comment, “you’ll get better”. Instead of commenting, “you’re ugly”, why can’t you just say, “you’re pretty”, or say NOTHING at all. Some females fail to understand that their actions online have an impact to those targeted by their actions. One simple comment on a girl’s photo in Instagram can either make or break her day….

I choose to make her day. 

I’m the type of girl who would much rather comment positivity on someone’s page rather than typing negative comments. Remember, your actions online is also an image of who you are in real life. What you say online is a reflection of who you are. In so, I want to be someone who is known for being genuine, kind, and nice both online and in real life – this is why I choose to uplift females by saying nice things to them, complimenting them, and making them feel important. I would much rather be a positive female than a negative one. Think about it, doesn’t it make you feel good to be complimented?? Doesn’t it make you feel nice when someone else calls you, “pretty” or comments, “I love your outfit”?! So, why can’t we all just share this feeling of joy from being adored and supported… instead of making each other feel like shit?!

Online bullies will always exist.

The way to deal against these bullies is through unity in numbers. Think about it, there are more victims than there are bullies. If all of us victims, and non-victims support each other, I’m sure these online bullies will slowly disappear and stop. By making someone’s day as simple as commenting, “you’re pretty”, on their recent selfie online, or commenting, “good job”, on their most recent accomplishment, can outweigh any negative actions and ill wishes a bully will have. Our words matter. By saying or commenting something nice and sweet, can truly help to uplift someone who is having a bad day. Like I said before, we all have our battles… so why not ease each other’s battles by being a nice person to each other?

Spread love, not hate.

Don’t be that girl who hates too much on others, because when girls hate each other it’s a disease that will hurt as all. Remember, your online character/persona reflects you in real life too. So don’t act big and mighty online, when in reality you’re not.

HIKING THE CANADIAN ROCKIES

With love,

Mary Dezleigh Teodosio

How to Overcome the Breakup Pain

Dear Readers,

We’ve all been there. Breakup. Heartbreak.

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You see, it may as well be breakup season since most of the people surrounding me seem to be going through a breakup or some sort of relationship downturn. It’s not the greatest feeling, and this is coming from a woman who had suffered heartbreak before. Viewing relationships now as a person in a healthy and strong relationship with Jason, really puts a lot of things into perspective. There are so much pain that a breakup brings, yet the lessons you learn throughout the breakup process is really something that will strengthen your character, and help define who you are.

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Before I dive too much in, please do not assume that Jason and I are going through a rough patch. You see, this blog was originally a relationship blog, and I just wanted to touch base with my roots. This post is for the other girls out there who currently have broken hearts.

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Let me tell you how you can overcome the breakup pain. Coming from a “professional relationship guru” – duhhhhhh.

I’m going to be honest with you – the first month after a breakup will be hell. You will spend the first few nights crying and the next few days feeling empty. But it is important to feel all of it. Cry your eyes out. Lay in bed and feel that pain. You must submerge yourself in the pain. Take note of how your heart beats for the love it cannot receive… take note of how your mind still stirs clear with the memories… take note of how your body is still functioning despite the pain you’re feeling inside… take note of how you’re still breathing… take note of your heartbeat, silently reminding you that you’re still alive… even after this breakup, you must understand that you still have a life to live.

There are 5 key steps you must go through after a breakup.

1.)  Cry it out

  • If you must cry it all out. There will come a point wherein the tears will eventually stop. For now, let yourself cry… don’t hold it back. Letting it out earlier is the fastest way of moving on. You definitely do not want to be that person 6 months or a year from now, who is still crying over a breakup…. nope, not you. In that case, the sooner you let your tears out, the faster you’ll arrive to a healed heart.

2.) Find an outlet

  • By any means, you must find ways to pull yourself together – you need an outlet. Think of an outlet as an “escape”. In your case, you need to escape the breakup pain. The sole purpose of an outlet is to help you escape the pain, even for a few hours. Outlets are distractions. For the most part, we all have plenty of outlets. School and/or work is one of our biggest outlets. We have our jobs, and some of you will have classes to attend. By dragging yourself to your office or by waking up early for that lecture, actually helps elevate your mind away from the pain. The idea is to have your attention diverted to other important things, not just your heartbreak. The more ways you can think of to distract yourself from the ugly reality of your breakup, the better.
  • Outlets can be people too. Your friends and family are the best outlets to reach out to during a breakup. They’re the ones who will know exactly what to say and what to do to distract you from the pain… they will know exactly what to do to make you feel at ease… and they will know exactly what to say to make you feel a little better.

3.) Don’t go back

  • We’ve all been there. The consideration of second chances and going back to your ex will be very, very appealing… you will probably consider calling him or texting him about 100 times during the few nights after the breakup. It’s a common response. We all want what we can’t have, even though we know it’s not good for us. Think about all the chocolates you’ve eaten a little too much of… You knew it’s not good for you, yet you still ate that extra box of Toblerone… Eating that extra box of chocolates and wanting to go back to your ex after a breakup are the same thing. It’s not good for you, yet I know, you’re going to do it anyways.
  • TRUST ME – you’re better off without that person. There’s a reason why the relationship failed and/or failing. Unless that problem had been sorted out, there’s no chance of “going back together” will work out. You can’t expect a bucket to get full with water if there’s a hole at the bottom… so what do you? You fix that motherfucking bucket, or replace it.

4.) Love yourself

  • I sound like a broken record, because this two word phrase, sentence, quote, whatever you want to call it, is my motto. “Love yourself” – the most important lesson that all of us must learn.
  • A healthy relationship always stems from the foundation of self-love a person has for herself/himself. How do you expect to love others, when you can’t even love yourself??? I know love is supposed to be selfish… but it’s not supposed to be selfless.
  • As painful as this sounds, the people who often fall out of love are those who lost sight of who they are. Once a person starts to lose themselves within the relationship, is when shit starts to fall apart. Literally. So, before you start jumping into a new relationship again, make sure that you have mastered the ability and skills required to prioritize yourself first. You owe it to yourself to have enough self-love, that your next partner can enjoy your love, and you can too. There’s nothing sexier than a lady who have her shit together.

5.) Grow

  • Just like the flowers, I hope you blossom during the spring after a cold winter. I know that you’ve probably been spending the past few days crying and feeling like shit… and that’s totally okay... I just want to assure you that one day, you’ll wake up a different person. After all this drama, you’ll be so much stronger, more beautiful, more independent, more of yourself than you’ll ever be. You’re going to grow.
  • Growth is an aspect of our lives we must always pursue. We all have room for growth, may it be in our relationships, careers, personal life, or even creatively. Growth is growth, and you must always strive towards it.

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Who we are as an individual is not defined by the failed relationships we had. Who we are, is defined by how well we rise above the challenges in our life. Who we are, is defined by the obstacles we conquered and our drive to continue pursuing a happy life. Most importantly, who we are is defined by the capacity of our hearts to give and receive love.

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*Photo was taken on June 25, 2017 – the day Jason Yang asked me to be his girlfriend*

The right love will come, and when it does, all the pain you endured will feel worthwhile. 

With love,

Mary Dezleigh Teodosio