I Grew Up a Fat Kid – My Body Image Struggles

March 8, 2018

Dear Readers,

HAPPY INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DAY!

As women, we all share the same common insecurities. For instance, most of us are never satisfied with our body; the shape of our bodies seem to be the greatest source of our insecurities. BUT IT SHOULD NEVER BE THAT WAY. In fact our bodies should be the source of our strength. Our bodies can give birth. Our bodies have its purpose. Our bodies are strong… and you should never be ashamed of it.

We all have our own unique body shapes and sizes. You can’t compare an apple to a pear – so why are you comparing your body to that of someone else?

You are inherently unique.

The perfect body doesn’t exist”. That’s a phrase you probably had heard plenty of times… but that phrase is so true. When it comes to body image, I find that women are more critical about how their bodies look than men are. There is this growing stigma of women trying to perfect themselves through any means – healthy or not. This struggle of achieving “the perfect body” has led to mental illness and unhealthy behaviours such as dangerous diets. Women had been characterized to be skinny, but skinny doesn’t mean healthy.

I promote healthy body perceptions. I want all women from all age groups to understand that their bodies are unique and beautiful. Having a healthy body perception means a healthy mental state. Women must empower each other towards being healthy, both physically and mentally. We should empower each other to be healthier – NOT to look “good” but more towards doing our bodies “good”.

I used to be a fat kid. How I improved my body image, started with my drive to live a healthier lifestyle.

I grew up fat. As a fat kid, I grew up being the main target for bullies in kindergarten. As I aged, the bullies from my past stayed within me. I went through junior high with an attitude, driven by my sole desire to fit in and be accepted. Then, when high school came around I finally had a chance to be different (I went to a dominant “white” school, wherein only 10% of the students in my grade were Asians). Although I stood out due to my race, my appearance was still not like the other girls in my grade. They were all Barbies. A living, breathing array of perfect girls – with pretty blonde hair, and beautiful blue eyes. Not to mention, these girls were fit and had “model-like” bodies. I had no chance of being that girl whom all the boys wanted. Thus, I became your typical high school snob. You know, that one cocky kid with an attitude but really has nothing else to back it up… yeah… that was me.

Now that I think about it… I was an awkward teenager. I wasn’t like the girls my age, due to the simple fact that I was a little bigger than them. Back then, my body shape really impacted how I saw myself. I didn’t have enough confidence… I felt isolated… I didn’t feel like I was the person I wanted to be.

I envied other girls who were skinnier than me. I wanted to have a body like them. Regardless of how hard I tried to fit in, I still stood out like a sore thumb. I was really, really, really different. (Or I thought I was….. out of place) So, I went on to high school accepting my difference. I embraced the fat kid in me, and continued to play my part in the minority.

I had lots of insecurities due to the fact that my body was different. I had lots of hatred towards how my body was shaped… I doubted myself too much… I didn’t like how my waist was too big… and I hated how my legs were too thick… worst of all, I hated my big belly. 

All these insecurities that I had gone through as a teenager, were mostly derived from my weight and body size.

This was me before:

ONE DAY I HAD ENOUGH OF IT

The way I fought my battle against “body image” is through improving my body the healthy way. I decided to change the things I disliked, when I knew that the change itself is achievable. That’s when I decided to hit they gym and eat healthier. My lifestyle today is shaped because of my body struggles. My personal “body image” has improved because I changed the way I viewed and lived my life. I’m more confident now, because I made a decision to become a better version of myself.

This is me now:

To change my “body image” and to remove my insecurities, I made a personal promise to myself that I will take better care of my body and live a healthy lifestyle. I started waking up earlier to go to the gym, I started eating more vegetables, and I slowly started to understand that my body is different in a beautiful way. As the days passed, my body was starting to look the way I wanted it to be. Most importantly, I was feeling better than I’ve ever had before.

However, there are still times wherein I find myself too critical of my new and improved body… despite all the progress I made, somehow I’m still insecure.

Even though I’ve gone a long way from who I was before, there are still times wherein I’m not happy about my body. For some reason, I’m still not satisfied of my body even though my body’s changes are noticeable – my followers often comment “goals” on my body pictures in Instagram, but that doesn’t really mean much for me since I’m overcoming my own personal mental struggles. There are times, wherein I still feel like there are so much more work I need to do, and more things I need to change – and no matter how much “likes”, “comments” and “support” I get from my audience, I still feel like it’s not enough.

THEN I REALIZED THIS:

I will never have the perfect body for OTHERS, but I can make my body perfect enough for ME.

The key to a healthy body image, is to love yourself more than anyone else does. In this world, it is close to impossible to please every single human being… so why waste all your energy on being perfect for others?!?!? You’re way better than you think you’re not – you just need to realize it for yourself.

It takes a lot of mental strength to love yourself, but it’s an inherent aptitude.

When you find yourself in an insecure position about your body OR when your confidence is lacking, I want you to reach deep within yourself and BELIEVE.

You are great! You are beautiful! Your body was made for you! It’s a work of art created just for you… it’s an abstract masterpiece designed just for you! Don’t try to change God’s design – embrace it!!!

Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. We all have different standards and views on beauty, and thus, the perfect “body image” doesn’t exist. Take my story for example. Some would consider my current body as “goals” and “perfect” – but I still don’t see it. I know that my body has its own imperfections, and I EMBRACE IT. Pictures can be deceiving, so don’t compare your body to what you see online, on TV and on the magazines. The curves of your waist, to the size of your booty is beautiful – and you should really, really, really love yourself MORE than anyone else does.

You can shape the way YOU want to be beautiful! If you want an IG model body, then work hard for it! If you can’t learn to embrace yourself, and love everything about your body – then who will?

At the end of the day, your body is yours to care for and love… so give it your all, because a work of art needs to be appreciated, not hidden.

I hope this message empowers you. It is International Women’s Day today, and I wanted to share a post that would uplift us all. We’re all beautiful and if we continue to lift each other up, the world would become 100 times stronger and unified than it is today. Don’t let the hate, negativity, and envy drag you down. Lift yourself up and believe in your own worth.

You are simply, amazing.

A personal message to my Readers:

Sorry for my slow blogposts, I’ve been super unmotivated lately… and super tired… plus, I’m about to graduate and I’m focusing so much time on finding a job and doing well in my classes. For now, I’ll try to post at least 3 times a month… but if I can’t keep up, I hope you understand I’m going through a transition in my life.

There are also other personal matters my family is going through at the moment, which I will share with you all once the timing is right.

With love,

Mary Dezleigh Teodosio

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Photo by @hzgunner on Instagram

My Take on Being a Social Media Influencer

January 16, 2018

Dear Readers,

What does it mean to be a role model and social media influencer?

This is a question which has been circulating my mind for the past few days. Today, this question wouldn’t leave me alone. Here are my thoughts on this particular topic:

Shockingly, my blog has readers who truly commit and follow my story… every inch of the way. I am thankful for all of you. In fact, a friend of mine from university told me a story about how she came across two girls at a party who recognized her because of me. My friend, let’s call her “El”, was at a party with her boyfriend “Marv”. At the party, two girls approached them and asked, “do you know Dez”. Without further hesitation, El responded with a strong “yes”. Out of all the questions in the world to ask, the two girls managed to connect my friends to ME as DEZLEIGHH. After being questioned about their relationship to me, El and Marv were wondering how the two girls recognized them through ME… without a doubt, even I got curious too.

As it turns out, the two girls recognized El and Marv from my social media stories and posts. The two lovely ladies are my followers on Instagram and readers of my blog. It’s amazing how my life’s stories touches and reaches so many people. I can only imagine the look on El’s face when those two girls approached her asking about ME, like I was some sort of celebrity… like some girl who seems unreal. The two girls even told El how much they can relate to my story, and how much they enjoy my content and posts… they complimented me so much that it touched my soul and heart just listening to El telling me all about it. It made me feel like I’m living in a fantasy, a surreal moment that I never could imagine to be true. But to be honest, I am real and my friends are real, and my boyfriend is real, and my family too! EVERYTHING YOU’RE READING ON HERE, IS THE MOST GENUINE VERSION OF ME YOU CAN EVER GET… and that’s a fact.

It is the sweetest form of compliment and endearment every time I hear people praise my blog. Those who has supported me throughout my whole journey as a blogger will see my own growth as a writer, and human being. Back in the older days, my original readers would recall and notice the difference between my lack of “proof-reading” and insufferable grammatical errors – to my now, more refined works. Even I can tell that I had grown so much as a writer throughout the years, and to be appreciated by the community is the best reward!

Another amazing “reader/follower” interaction I had come across to, was way back in the summer of 2017. At the time, I was out in Banff with my family and Jason. We were taking a lovely walk at the Fairmont Banff Hotel when this young girl, with beautiful blonde hair stood excitedly, waving and smiling at me. At first, I was trying my best to remember or recognize who she was. She hurriedly approach me and I suddenly realized that this girl is not someone I know… and as she got closer to me, she said with such excitement and joy, “Hi, you’re Dezleigh, I follow you on Instagram and I read your blogs”.

I will never forget that girl. She was the first girl who had the honesty, courage, and spirit to compliment my blog in person and showed me her support and encouragements. Her lovely greeting was my reality… it was at that moment I knew that I want to keep inspiring people through my stories… through my words… through this blog. Even Jason was quite astounded by her reaction upon seeing me… we were fairly a new couple at the time, so he didn’t really know just how big my blog was… to be honest, even I didn’t know how big my blog was too… or how big my blog will become… But you guys never fail to remind me, that I will always have an audience willing to listen and willing to understand my story. All I have to do, is to write and share it.

BUT, what does it mean to be a role model and influencer?

I now understand that I have an audience who actively reads my blog. My life impacts theirs, and my stories are an influential aspect in their lives. I feel like I have a personal responsibility of due care to these readers. I am their role model… the person whose words and stories have a significant or perhaps minimal impact on their lives. Despite the level of reach I have, at some point my readers will learn a thing or two from me… and I must make sure that the lessons I teach are to be proud of. At the very least, I want my stories to stem a source of inspiration for everyone.

I’m in no means a “perfect person”. I think that my irregularities and different view of the world is what makes my readers stay and attract more readers. I truly view life as a learning process… I learn knew things about myself everyday. The people who are the closest to me cultivates the way I grow, and the inner voice inside my head helps me to understand that I have so many flaws I need to work on. “Perfect” and “role model” are perhaps two concepts that truly doesn’t define me.

The concept of me being a “role model” is actually quite heavy. I know that most of my readers are learning a lot from my own relationship failures all the way through my personal lifestyle… but that is not enough to make me a role model. A role model is someone who has impacted the world to such an extent that is revolutionary. A role model is someone whose actions had shed a positive light to millions and millions of people. “Role models” are those individuals who are so close to being perfect human beings, if perfect human beings ever existed. A “role model” are the likes of Mother Teresa, Martin Luther King, Steve Jobs, and even Béyonce. I am nowhere close to these individuals.

I prefer to think of myself as an influencer.

As an influencer, the title is less serious than a role model… which gives me more breathing room and freedom to make mistakes. I am now starting to understand that my blog has an influence on people… and that I must protect my influence through writing stories that are genuine, and uniquely about me. I only want to inspire people and teach them a thing or two about life. In return, all I really want is for you to read my content with an open mind.

I want to impact people’s lives in a positive light. At this time in my life I had grown to understand that my mistakes and struggles can help someone else in dire need. To those who are willing to search for a helpline, a person to talk to, someone who will listen, or someone who will never judge them, then that person is ME. This is not a joke when I say, “I will always be there for people who needs me”. I honestly check my DMs on a daily basis and I will always reply… I always get DMs from randoms and strangers who just want to vent, share their problems, and ask for my opinion. I’ve had read the most outrageous DMs to the most touching DMs – and to my very best, I will try to shed some light into your darkness, but at the end of the day I am not perfect. My opinions and advices can only go for so long and eventually, your life is still yours to live.

It is often a struggle finding what stories to tell, what content to post, and what ideas to promote. I started this blog with 100% authenticity and I want to maintain my integrity as an individual. Thus, my desire to be a real person in the internet and sharing only what I feel is genuine is what I want to do and nothing else. I want to keep influencing people in a way that is positive. I will make mistakes, and that is fine because I’m human too. But the most important aspects about my mistakes are the lessons I learned.

In all, I just wanted to say “thank you so much from the bottom of my heart”, for still reading my blogs. To more stories to tell and lessons to learn in 2018!

With love,

Mary Dezleigh Teodosio.

 

 

Living For These Lashes!!!

November 20, 2017

Dear Readers,

Ever since makeup entered my life, a great pair of fake lashes had always been my best friend!!!

I wasn’t blessed with long, dark and natural lashes… and I had always been so jealous of girls who had long lashes. When I was around 12 years old, I taught myself how to wear fake lashes… and ever since then, my life had never been the same!

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Recently, my false lashes obsession would have to go to Decadent Lashes!

Decadent Lashes is a local Calgary based brand and they specialize in luxury, affordable lashes. I’ve tried plenty of mink lashes, and of all the lashes I tried Decadent Lashes would have to be my favorite of all!

Their lashes are incredibly soft, light, long-wearing and super glam!

My Instagram selfies definitely stepped up after I discovered Decadent Lashes. I’ve been wearing only Decadent Lashes for the past two weeks, and trust me… their lashes lasts!!!

The lash band is both flexible and durable. Meaning, you can definitely wear their mink lashes all day without it feeling “too heavy” or worrying about the lashes breaking so fast on you. Best part, you definitely can wear these lashes for multiple times, I recommend reusing them for about 10-15 times (the amount of times you can repeatedly wear your lashes depends on how well you take care of them too).

Of course, your girl can’t let you all shop without hooking you up with a discount. So, before you pay, save yourself a little few dollars with my own discount code for 15% off “dezleighh15″. Finally, to answer every girl’s question in my DMs, these lashes are most likely the lashes I’m wearing in my SnapChat and Instagram selfies from the past week:

“Anna” –  Mink Collection 

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Checkout how pretty their packaging is:

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SHOP NOW: 

Decadent Lashes

With love,

Mary Dezleigh Teodosio.