How to Overcome the Breakup Pain

Dear Readers,

We’ve all been there. Breakup. Heartbreak.

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You see, it may as well be breakup season since most of the people surrounding me seem to be going through a breakup or some sort of relationship downturn. It’s not the greatest feeling, and this is coming from a woman who had suffered heartbreak before. Viewing relationships now as a person in a healthy and strong relationship with Jason, really puts a lot of things into perspective. There are so much pain that a breakup brings, yet the lessons you learn throughout the breakup process is really something that will strengthen your character, and help define who you are.

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Before I dive too much in, please do not assume that Jason and I are going through a rough patch. You see, this blog was originally a relationship blog, and I just wanted to touch base with my roots. This post is for the other girls out there who currently have broken hearts.

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Let me tell you how you can overcome the breakup pain. Coming from a “professional relationship guru” – duhhhhhh.

I’m going to be honest with you – the first month after a breakup will be hell. You will spend the first few nights crying and the next few days feeling empty. But it is important to feel all of it. Cry your eyes out. Lay in bed and feel that pain. You must submerge yourself in the pain. Take note of how your heart beats for the love it cannot receive… take note of how your mind still stirs clear with the memories… take note of how your body is still functioning despite the pain you’re feeling inside… take note of how you’re still breathing… take note of your heartbeat, silently reminding you that you’re still alive… even after this breakup, you must understand that you still have a life to live.

There are 5 key steps you must go through after a breakup.

1.)  Cry it out

  • If you must cry it all out. There will come a point wherein the tears will eventually stop. For now, let yourself cry… don’t hold it back. Letting it out earlier is the fastest way of moving on. You definitely do not want to be that person 6 months or a year from now, who is still crying over a breakup…. nope, not you. In that case, the sooner you let your tears out, the faster you’ll arrive to a healed heart.

2.) Find an outlet

  • By any means, you must find ways to pull yourself together – you need an outlet. Think of an outlet as an “escape”. In your case, you need to escape the breakup pain. The sole purpose of an outlet is to help you escape the pain, even for a few hours. Outlets are distractions. For the most part, we all have plenty of outlets. School and/or work is one of our biggest outlets. We have our jobs, and some of you will have classes to attend. By dragging yourself to your office or by waking up early for that lecture, actually helps elevate your mind away from the pain. The idea is to have your attention diverted to other important things, not just your heartbreak. The more ways you can think of to distract yourself from the ugly reality of your breakup, the better.
  • Outlets can be people too. Your friends and family are the best outlets to reach out to during a breakup. They’re the ones who will know exactly what to say and what to do to distract you from the pain… they will know exactly what to do to make you feel at ease… and they will know exactly what to say to make you feel a little better.

3.) Don’t go back

  • We’ve all been there. The consideration of second chances and going back to your ex will be very, very appealing… you will probably consider calling him or texting him about 100 times during the few nights after the breakup. It’s a common response. We all want what we can’t have, even though we know it’s not good for us. Think about all the chocolates you’ve eaten a little too much of… You knew it’s not good for you, yet you still ate that extra box of Toblerone… Eating that extra box of chocolates and wanting to go back to your ex after a breakup are the same thing. It’s not good for you, yet I know, you’re going to do it anyways.
  • TRUST ME – you’re better off without that person. There’s a reason why the relationship failed and/or failing. Unless that problem had been sorted out, there’s no chance of “going back together” will work out. You can’t expect a bucket to get full with water if there’s a hole at the bottom… so what do you? You fix that motherfucking bucket, or replace it.

4.) Love yourself

  • I sound like a broken record, because this two word phrase, sentence, quote, whatever you want to call it, is my motto. “Love yourself” – the most important lesson that all of us must learn.
  • A healthy relationship always stems from the foundation of self-love a person has for herself/himself. How do you expect to love others, when you can’t even love yourself??? I know love is supposed to be selfish… but it’s not supposed to be selfless.
  • As painful as this sounds, the people who often fall out of love are those who lost sight of who they are. Once a person starts to lose themselves within the relationship, is when shit starts to fall apart. Literally. So, before you start jumping into a new relationship again, make sure that you have mastered the ability and skills required to prioritize yourself first. You owe it to yourself to have enough self-love, that your next partner can enjoy your love, and you can too. There’s nothing sexier than a lady who have her shit together.

5.) Grow

  • Just like the flowers, I hope you blossom during the spring after a cold winter. I know that you’ve probably been spending the past few days crying and feeling like shit… and that’s totally okay... I just want to assure you that one day, you’ll wake up a different person. After all this drama, you’ll be so much stronger, more beautiful, more independent, more of yourself than you’ll ever be. You’re going to grow.
  • Growth is an aspect of our lives we must always pursue. We all have room for growth, may it be in our relationships, careers, personal life, or even creatively. Growth is growth, and you must always strive towards it.

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Who we are as an individual is not defined by the failed relationships we had. Who we are, is defined by how well we rise above the challenges in our life. Who we are, is defined by the obstacles we conquered and our drive to continue pursuing a happy life. Most importantly, who we are is defined by the capacity of our hearts to give and receive love.

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*Photo was taken on June 25, 2017 – the day Jason Yang asked me to be his girlfriend*

The right love will come, and when it does, all the pain you endured will feel worthwhile. 

With love,

Mary Dezleigh Teodosio

You’re a QUEEN – Act and Think Like One!

May 3, 2017

Dear Readers,

After launching my blog to the public, I had been receiving a lot of social attention from my family, friends, and followers. I am so grateful for all the love and support I had been receiving lately. Words can not describe how meaningful it is for my posts to get noticed and adored by you all! Thank you.

Now, back to tonight’s post.

For some reason, many of you within social media, real life friends and peers, often approach me for “love advices”. I feel honoured to be able to give you all  my honest opinions about certain “matters of the heart”. But, little do you know, I’m not always the best leader to follow. Even though I seem perfectly composed and strong in my social media accounts, sometimes the aftermath of my last heartache still takes a toll on me. Regardless of how much I preach to you all about “moving on” and “letting go”, what I preach is often difficult for ME to follow.

I’ve already prepared myself for the ultimate event of my EX moving on to his next relationships. I’ve already visualized images of him and his “new” girl popping off in his Instagram and other social media accounts. Yet no matter how much mental and emotional preparation I did for this particular situation, when he posted new photos of a new “girl” on his Instagram, it still had me “shook”. I was affected and I was hurt… I was jealous… and I was annoyed. I thought I was ready to move on and ready to let him go. I was getting upset at the fact that something as little as 3 new photos of a “girl” on his Instagram account, went a long way in affecting my emotional behaviour. I was really, really, really distressed about it. How did a set of images affect me like that?

I CALLED MY FRIENDS AND THEY REMINDED ME, I DESERVE BETTER TOO. 

I may be a “love doctor” to many of you, but my “love doctors” are actually my best friends. You see, healing a broken heart is not an easy process because no matter how much you think you’ve healed, something as little as a poke can bring back all the pain. After making a few phone calls and deep conversations with my dearest friends, I realized I was being a little bitch about the whole thing. At this point, I realized that I was being silly for overreacting and feeling negative about those images. Like seriously, who cares about him and what he does? Why should I let him take a toll on my happiness? Why should I let some irrelevant girl affect a strong woman like me? Why be bothered by them, when I have so many great and beautiful things going on in my life!?!?! They are irrelevant to a queen like me.

And so I carried on and continued thinking like a queen searching for a real king.

Queens do not let any man bring them down from their rising glory and success. Queens do not get jealous, they strive to be better and best. Queens should not hold grudges, they must learn to forgive and to let go. Queens dictate their own lives and control their emotions and behaviours accordingly. Queens don’t behave like princesses. Queens are real women.

If you ever find yourself caught up in this situation, just remember:

YOU’RE A QUEEN. NO JEALOUSY. NO HATRED. QUEENS ATTRACT LOVE AND HAPPINESS. QUEENS ARE STRONG WOMEN. QUEENS UNDERSTAND THAT THEY ARE BETTER THAN THOSE WHO HAD HURT HER, AND WILL ALWAYS BE BETTER THAN THE PRINCESS FOLLOWING HER. QUEENS SEEK SELF-GROWTH AND NOT REVENGE. QUEENS WILL ALWAYS CHOOSE TRUTH, PEACE, HAPPINESS AND LOVE. QUEENS WILL NEVER SETTLE. A QUEEN WILL ALWAYS CARRY HERSELF WITH THE UTMOST PRIDE AND SELF-LOVE.

I’ve been acting like a queen for the past 6 months, why on earth should I degrade back to a princess’s mentality and behaviour?

Baby girl, you’re a queen, don’t be a princess. If the pain comes back again, even through the slightest bit, just remember… Queens will still carry on with their reign even though they are broken. A queen conquers all that threatens her peace of mind. I believe that in order to get over your latest heartache, you must view yourself as a QUEEN. You are a queen in all aspects, act and think like one – don’t let anything or anyone slow you down from conquering and reigning over your own life.

Carry on, my queens.

With love,

Mary Dezleigh Teodosio.