My Take on Being a Social Media Influencer

January 16, 2018

Dear Readers,

What does it mean to be a role model and social media influencer?

This is a question which has been circulating my mind for the past few days. Today, this question wouldn’t leave me alone. Here are my thoughts on this particular topic:

Shockingly, my blog has readers who truly commit and follow my story… every inch of the way. I am thankful for all of you. In fact, a friend of mine from university told me a story about how she came across two girls at a party who recognized her because of me. My friend, let’s call her “El”, was at a party with her boyfriend “Marv”. At the party, two girls approached them and asked, “do you know Dez”. Without further hesitation, El responded with a strong “yes”. Out of all the questions in the world to ask, the two girls managed to connect my friends to ME as DEZLEIGHH. After being questioned about their relationship to me, El and Marv were wondering how the two girls recognized them through ME… without a doubt, even I got curious too.

As it turns out, the two girls recognized El and Marv from my social media stories and posts. The two lovely ladies are my followers on Instagram and readers of my blog. It’s amazing how my life’s stories touches and reaches so many people. I can only imagine the look on El’s face when those two girls approached her asking about ME, like I was some sort of celebrity… like some girl who seems unreal. The two girls even told El how much they can relate to my story, and how much they enjoy my content and posts… they complimented me so much that it touched my soul and heart just listening to El telling me all about it. It made me feel like I’m living in a fantasy, a surreal moment that I never could imagine to be true. But to be honest, I am real and my friends are real, and my boyfriend is real, and my family too! EVERYTHING YOU’RE READING ON HERE, IS THE MOST GENUINE VERSION OF ME YOU CAN EVER GET… and that’s a fact.

It is the sweetest form of compliment and endearment every time I hear people praise my blog. Those who has supported me throughout my whole journey as a blogger will see my own growth as a writer, and human being. Back in the older days, my original readers would recall and notice the difference between my lack of “proof-reading” and insufferable grammatical errors – to my now, more refined works. Even I can tell that I had grown so much as a writer throughout the years, and to be appreciated by the community is the best reward!

Another amazing “reader/follower” interaction I had come across to, was way back in the summer of 2017. At the time, I was out in Banff with my family and Jason. We were taking a lovely walk at the Fairmont Banff Hotel when this young girl, with beautiful blonde hair stood excitedly, waving and smiling at me. At first, I was trying my best to remember or recognize who she was. She hurriedly approach me and I suddenly realized that this girl is not someone I know… and as she got closer to me, she said with such excitement and joy, “Hi, you’re Dezleigh, I follow you on Instagram and I read your blogs”.

I will never forget that girl. She was the first girl who had the honesty, courage, and spirit to compliment my blog in person and showed me her support and encouragements. Her lovely greeting was my reality… it was at that moment I knew that I want to keep inspiring people through my stories… through my words… through this blog. Even Jason was quite astounded by her reaction upon seeing me… we were fairly a new couple at the time, so he didn’t really know just how big my blog was… to be honest, even I didn’t know how big my blog was too… or how big my blog will become… But you guys never fail to remind me, that I will always have an audience willing to listen and willing to understand my story. All I have to do, is to write and share it.

BUT, what does it mean to be a role model and influencer?

I now understand that I have an audience who actively reads my blog. My life impacts theirs, and my stories are an influential aspect in their lives. I feel like I have a personal responsibility of due care to these readers. I am their role model… the person whose words and stories have a significant or perhaps minimal impact on their lives. Despite the level of reach I have, at some point my readers will learn a thing or two from me… and I must make sure that the lessons I teach are to be proud of. At the very least, I want my stories to stem a source of inspiration for everyone.

I’m in no means a “perfect person”. I think that my irregularities and different view of the world is what makes my readers stay and attract more readers. I truly view life as a learning process… I learn knew things about myself everyday. The people who are the closest to me cultivates the way I grow, and the inner voice inside my head helps me to understand that I have so many flaws I need to work on. “Perfect” and “role model” are perhaps two concepts that truly doesn’t define me.

The concept of me being a “role model” is actually quite heavy. I know that most of my readers are learning a lot from my own relationship failures all the way through my personal lifestyle… but that is not enough to make me a role model. A role model is someone who has impacted the world to such an extent that is revolutionary. A role model is someone whose actions had shed a positive light to millions and millions of people. “Role models” are those individuals who are so close to being perfect human beings, if perfect human beings ever existed. A “role model” are the likes of Mother Teresa, Martin Luther King, Steve Jobs, and even Béyonce. I am nowhere close to these individuals.

I prefer to think of myself as an influencer.

As an influencer, the title is less serious than a role model… which gives me more breathing room and freedom to make mistakes. I am now starting to understand that my blog has an influence on people… and that I must protect my influence through writing stories that are genuine, and uniquely about me. I only want to inspire people and teach them a thing or two about life. In return, all I really want is for you to read my content with an open mind.

I want to impact people’s lives in a positive light. At this time in my life I had grown to understand that my mistakes and struggles can help someone else in dire need. To those who are willing to search for a helpline, a person to talk to, someone who will listen, or someone who will never judge them, then that person is ME. This is not a joke when I say, “I will always be there for people who needs me”. I honestly check my DMs on a daily basis and I will always reply… I always get DMs from randoms and strangers who just want to vent, share their problems, and ask for my opinion. I’ve had read the most outrageous DMs to the most touching DMs – and to my very best, I will try to shed some light into your darkness, but at the end of the day I am not perfect. My opinions and advices can only go for so long and eventually, your life is still yours to live.

It is often a struggle finding what stories to tell, what content to post, and what ideas to promote. I started this blog with 100% authenticity and I want to maintain my integrity as an individual. Thus, my desire to be a real person in the internet and sharing only what I feel is genuine is what I want to do and nothing else. I want to keep influencing people in a way that is positive. I will make mistakes, and that is fine because I’m human too. But the most important aspects about my mistakes are the lessons I learned.

In all, I just wanted to say “thank you so much from the bottom of my heart”, for still reading my blogs. To more stories to tell and lessons to learn in 2018!

With love,

Mary Dezleigh Teodosio.

 

 

To Stay or To Go? (A Cheater’s Confession)

August 2, 2017

Dear Readers,

Life is all a matter of choice. We are always given an option in times of uncertainty and unclarity. How we choose from the options presented to us, determines the likelihood of people staying or leaving in our life. One important lesson I learned in my 21 years of existence is that our behaviour controls who stays and who goes. Sometimes, without even knowing it, we tend to push away the people we love. At our worst days, we will find ourselves hurting the ones whom we oath to protect and cherish. We tend to act in ways we often don’t understand, yet the behaviour simply feels like the “right thing to do”. The glory of allowing the right people enter your life is a blessing, yet the struggle lies within the lines of your wanting to stay and yearning to go all at once.

This is a confession from a cheater’s point of view. This is the sad truth from a person in a committed relationship whom did the unthinkable and despicable act of cheating.

This is my tale.

My last relationship ended because of infidelity. I got cheated on and the pain destroyed me in all ways and forms. But I never really explored into my past in this blog. I had you all thinking that I had always been the “better person” – the girl who can only love and will never cheat. Well, my 16 year old self will be the contrary of that image you have of me. I cheated once and it taught me so much at such a young age. This is what I learned.

(The story of who, when, how I cheated is completely irrelevant at this point. I was too young and the person whom I cheated on is now a man of epic proportions… In so, I will give him his privacy out of respect)

You see, a person will cheat out of fear of losing someone dear, yet they still have an extreme desire of wanting more. In a relationship we are always given two options. These options determines the longevity or the end of a relationship. Once you’re committed into a relationship, you are always left with the questions of:

1.) To stay?

OR

2.) To go?

These are the questions that makes relationships a problem for most. Some people often feel trapped between those two questions. Not everyone has the will and desire to always stay. Not everyone will settle down and some will choose to go. But what happens to the ones who can’t choose between 1 or 2?

If a person can’t select an option between option 1 or option 2, they will create a 3rd option for themselves.

3.) Cheat.

I strongly believe the most common mistake an individual makes that ruins his/her relationship is cheating. It’s so easy to cheat. It’s so easy to lie. Yet, to a point those lies will haunt you and will cost you so much than you can ever imagine. Cheating will impact the way you behave around your partner. This sudden change of behaviour will let your partner know something is wrong. Eventually, no matter how much you try to hide your infidelities, your partner will find out one way or another. Your lies will always catch up on you. I learned this the hard way.

Once all my lies caught up on me, I lost someone whom I cared for at the time… I didn’t deserve his kind soul and I lost all of him. But now that I think about it, after being cheated on, I understand why he left. The pain I placed on him was my fault because I was too selfish to consider his feelings. But it wasn’t only selfishness that led me towards cheating. There was so much more into it.

I think that a person cheats because he/she don’t understand themselves. I also think that a person cheats because they don’t love themselves enough, therefore they seek love in those whom they think are capable of giving them the love they need. Another reason why I think some people cheat is simply because they’re weaker than most… it’s easier to cheat than to breakup with someone… cheating is just so much easier when you’re at a low point in your life. I cheated because I felt all of these.

At 16 years old, I understood the importance of loyalty and honesty in a relationship. I knew what I was doing was wrong… I knew that cheating was not how I would want my relationship to end, yet I did it because I felt trapped… like I had no other choice. 

But I had a choice.

I wished I never cheated, because no one deserves the pain of feeling like they aren’t good enough. I wish I never cheated, because no one deserves to feel like they can be easily replaced… like they aren’t worthy of respect and real love. I wish I never cheated so that I wouldn’t be carrying the guilt of cheating for many years after. I wish I was a better person then.

Now, I’ve experienced being in the end of both sides: the one who cheated, and the one who got cheated on. In my lifetime I had already selected two choices. I chose option, “2.) To go”,  after I got cheated on. But before that, I also made my own option, “3.) cheat”,  at a time wherein I wasn’t sure of myself. Now there’s one option left. As of right now, I choose to stay.

With love,

Mary Dezleigh Teodosio.

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The Perfect Man Does Not Exist – My List Keeps Failing Me and My EX BAES

May 18, 2017

Dear Readers,

Ideally, we should all have a catered checklist which consists of qualities, traits, and other requirements we are searching for in a mate. I for one, have a long list of what I want from my next partner. This detailed “checklist” is partially to blame of why my last 3 potential “bae” (slang meaning of: stands for “before anything else”. BAE is someone you care for, admire and/or love) had failed and had been cut from the “boyfriend selection list”.

You see, my list is not that long. However, my list is very, very, very specific. There are 10 core things I had written on my checklist:

1.) Tall – Height must be at least 5’9 – anything taller is strongly desired.

2.) Age and Level of Maturity – Personally, I will not date someone younger than me by over a year – I may however, consider dating someone within a year younger, if his maturity level is a up to par of my expectations. This checklist entry, is driven from my strong attraction to men who are mature enough for a long-term relationship. I am so done affiliating myself with “fuckboys” (slang meaning of: a male who is notoriously known for breaking hearts and sleeping with multiple females. A fuckboy is also someone whose phone password you will never ever know… God forbid, no one must ever know how many DM’s he has slid into OR how many girls he’s currently texting and calling his “bae”).

3.) Stability – In terms of emotional stability, I want a man who knows what he wants, strives for what he wants, and secures what he wants. I don’t have time to be wasting it on unqualified, emotionally unstable boys, I need a man with emotional stability!!!!

4.) Career Oriented – Please, be someone who have a dream and a goal to achieve!! I want my future partner to have a passion in his chosen career. PLUS: I need a man who can financially provide for OUR future family. (WAKE UP LADIES!!! This is real life, stop wasting your time with bums if you’re a woman with a future).

5.) Personality – I need a man who has flavour. To my gents reading this, learn how to be a communicator. Have some humour, be interesting, talk more, tell me stories, let me know about your hobbies, tell me about your mom or your siblings… Seriously, just do something to keep me interested in you. HAVE SOME CHARACTER IN YOU, PLEASE.

6.) Asian (or at least have a strong sense and understanding of the Asian culture) – Having the ability to share my culture with my mate is truly a requirement for me. He must be able to accept and live with my traditions and values, which is why I strongly prefer to date someone from an Asian descent OR date someone who is informed and accepting of my Asian-Filipino culture.

7.) Style – This is a requirement that overshadows the “Tall” requirement. If you’re a short man, but have a great sense of style, I’m willing to drop the height requirement just for that. I like men who have a great sense of style, because I for one like to believe that I am fashionable individual. Preferably, I like men who dress as a unique mixture of hypebeast, hipster, and classy all at once. If you want an example, search up “Brian Puspos” in Instagram (he’s my definition of style bae).

8.) Family Man – My family is an essential part of my life. Therefore, I expect my next bae to be family oriented too.

9.) Loyal – I’ve been cheated on before, and I don’t plan on getting cheated on again. BUT – how can you predict the future and what it entails? How can you tell if the person you’re currently dating is loyal or not? EASY ANSWER: Dive into his past and figure out if he has ever cheated or not. I’m a strong believer that a man who has cheated before, is likely to cheat once again. Also, you can test his loyalty further down the relationship… but until then, looking back into his past is a great start.

10.) Sex Game is Strong – Pretty self-explanatory.

After reading this list, I can finally tell you about the past 3 EX baes I had spent time with from the past few months. These men were amazing in their own rights, but I still deemed them to be not good enough as a partner for me. I felt some connection within these 3 EX baes, but the connection was not enough to satisfy my list. Let me tell you about them real quick and tell you why they were quickly removed off the boyfriend selection list.

BAE 1:

He was the rebound whom “ghosted” (slang meaning of: ignoring someone and randomly disappearing without a trace after all the invested time spent talking to each other) me after all the shady circumstances I put him through. To be honest, he wasn’t much of a loss because he didn’t meet number 1, 2, 3, and 5 in my checklist. This discouraged me from wanting more from him, regardless of what “connection” I was feeling for him at the time. BAE 1 used to be a friend of my ex, who clearly crossed the “bro code” – if such thing still exists in today’s generation. After my ex and I broke up, I used him as a mean to forget and quickly recover from my loss, he became my rebound. At some point, I did consider him as a potential partner and more than just a rebound. He had some checklist material in him, he definitely had number 10 going on… But STILL… the list prevented me from being “good” to him. I didn’t see any strong potential of a long term relationship, which is why I didn’t try hard enough to keep him in my life. So, I deliberately exposed him to his “friend” (my ex) without any deep hesitation or thought into it. Hence, why he ghosted me. #savage

BAE 2:

He is the perfect friend in all aspects, and I truly thought we would become something more than just friends. But then again, like BAE 1 he also failed to meet some items in my lists. For one, he failed to meet number 6 which was an instant turn off for me. Another aspect that bothered me was how his personality just doesn’t click with mine. His interests and hobbies were completely different from mine. So, as much as he had his own character, the 5th item on the list was quite not there for me. BAE 2 also needed to improve on his style game, thus checklist number 7 wasn’t quite there as well. However, he had amazing qualities too!!! He truly has 2, 3, 4, 8, and 9 on lock. Regardless, I had deemed after referring back to my list that we are better off as friends.

BAE 3:

Oh man, this guy is my definition of attractive. BAE 3 definitely has number 1, 5, 7, and 8, on lock. But then again, there are some complications going on with him too… How can one be so physically attractive yet lack stability and loyalty? I shouldn’t let his past define him, but he is a true fuckboy and I don’t have time to be wasting it on a fuckboy. So, with that, he’s also off the boyfriend selection list.

To my avid readers wondering, what happened to American BAE?

Well, he’s still around and we are still talking… I don’t want to give out too much information about this particular “relationship” because we’re currently doing just fine as we are. I don’t want to jinx and ruin something that has the potential of becoming great.

IN ALL

I learned that I still need to keep searching for my “perfect man”. My friend once told me that there is no such thing as a perfect man, and I agree with her. You see, I understand that we all are imperfect and we all have flaws. But the point of having this list is to select a handful of qualities and characteristics you truly want from your partner, which can hopefully outweigh all the other flaws. If this list was meant for me to find the perfect man, there should be more items on it than just the 10 points I had listed. If this list was aimed at finding the perfect man, I should have 200 more items in the list… but no… It’s not about finding the perfect man, it’s more about finding the one man worth accepting all his other flaws for. This list exists as a guide to remind me of what I want, and what I need. Until then, if I can’t find a person who fits this list every other man will just feel subpar and inadequate.

So… with this in mind, I hope you keep searching lovelies… keep believing that your soulmate is out there somewhere and that he/she is searching for you too.

With love,

Mary Dezleigh Teodosio.