22 – Letter for Myself

September 6, 2017

Dear ME,

As I enter another year of life, let me quickly reflect on my 21st year of life. Within the past year I learned so much lessons in love, relationships, friends, family, school, and life. I am not the same person as I was a year ago. The old me wouldn’t even begin to comprehend the reality of her heart being broken for the first time. The old me wouldn’t even dare to imagine that all her fears would come true, yet she will face those fears head on and conquer it all. The old me wouldn’t even believe that she will fall in love again and gain a new appreciation for life, for love, for everything that shines and glows bright.

A lot has changed, and to be honest, I’m a better person now than I was a year ago.

Yet, the fears still exist. From the fear of getting heartbroken again, to the fear of failure, to the fear of losing people, to the fear of losing the drive in achieving my dreams. I had come a long way from the darkest times of my life, to where I am now. If life was to get more difficult within this point moving forward, I truly believe that I am more than capable of handling it all. I learned so much as a 21 year old naive girl and those lessons turned me into a woman with a heart strong enough to handle pain, a mind eager to learn more, and a body prepared to endure.

During my 21st year of life, I learned that Tax Class is not as easy as I thought, and I should had bought the textbook for the sake of my GPA. I learned that partying for 15 weekends in a row is insanely bad for my diet and body. I learned that being broke sucks and that I must work hard to support myself financially in the future. I learned that I’m not the best at being honest. I learned that travelling for 5 weeks to the Philippines would had been more fun if I had someone dear with me. I learned that our time on this Earth is temporary, and we will lose our loved ones eventually. I learned that I should had taken each opportunity presented to me, instead of letting it slip away. For instance, I had the opportunity to book my flight to the Philippines a month earlier… time enough to give my grandfather one last hug before he passed away… my failure to do so destroyed any living opportunities on this planet of allowing me to tell my grandfather how thankful I am to have a man like him in my life. Aside from death, I learned that people in my life are not always going to stay. Some of the most important people in my life will leave as new ones enter. Most importantly, I learned that a heartbreak is the best way to reshape and improve a person whose path has been rerouted.

Dear Dez, as you enter another year, I hope you remember all the lessons you went through. You will doubt yourself at times, but know that deep inside you exists strength and talent. You will fear many things, but there’s nothing else that should scare you more than losing faith in yourself. You are so much better today and you know it yourself. I hope you allow yourself to love genuinely and whole-heartedly once more. I hope that you allow people to prove themselves to you, as you do to them. I hope that you strive 100 times more towards becoming a CPA, a genuine blogger, a healthy individual, a great friend, a sweet daughter, and a kind person. Your dreams will come true, because you will remember to work towards each of them. Just believe. So many people believe in you, and I believe in you too.

Sincerely,

Yourself, Mary Dezleigh Teodosio.

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Don’t Doubt Yourself – The E.B.T Notion

June 26, 2017

Dear Readers,

We all have fears; Fear of our dreams, fear of our future, fear of losing people, fear of the uncertainties, fear of death, fear of living life, and many, many more fears. The list of fears can never be stopped. But your state of mind and how you handle these fears can be changed. Lately, I’ve been coming to terms with my own fears too. For the most part, my fears are derived from the fears of others. But, what does that mean? 

In my family, failure is never an option. In fact, this belief is not only persistent in my family but it also exists in other families all over the world. For those of you who may not know me well, I come from a strong Filipino home. My parents being Filipinos had implanted in my head to attain my life goals through being competitive academically, socially, artistically, and/or physically. To be the best, according to my culture one must be one of the 3 things: educated, beautiful, OR talented (Let’s call this the E.B.T notion). If you lack attributes in any of these 3 categories your life is deemed for failure, while having all 3 suggests your life will be better than most. 

I say “FUCK THAT” to the E.B.T notion.

This notion is insanely absurd because it places a limit on an individual. What bothers me the most is how this concept ranks an individual according to their mental capacity, physical appearance, and inborn gifts. Why are we categorized according to the E.B.T notion? How does this lead towards our own self-fulfillment and dreams? I absolutely hate this notion because it implies failure IS AN OPTION IF YOU’RE NOT EDUCATED, BEAUTIFUL OR TALENTED. Instead of influencing a child to be a dreamer, and to believe in his/her own capacity we turn to the E.B.T notion to promote more fears and doubts. We instill the idea of “you’re not good enough” instead of promoting “you can do it”. We tend to emphasize more on the failure rather than the possibility of success. This idea gives birth to fears and doubts in our youths solely because it underlines that if you’re not smart, attractive or talented, then what else can you possibly offer. This notion develops doubts within our youths to the highest extent.

Frustrating. This whole notion in itself is out of shape. I understand that old habits never dies, such as old beliefs never fades. I understand the importance of education, but do we really need a million lawyers, doctors, scientists and businessmen? Being beautiful is a gift, but is beauty really the same in everyone’s eyes? For the women who were not born with a pretty face, does that ultimately mean we are obligated to surgical enhancements in order to be deemed as beautiful? Just like beauty, being talented is also an individual gift. But when we say “talent“, why do we automatically assume that the realms of being “talented” are only defined within musical, artistic, and athletic gifts.

There is so much more to life than just this.

The pressures we place upon the younger generation is too much. We expect too much from our young people, when we ourselves do not possess the ability to meet all these expectations. Due to our high expectations from our own failures, we force our youths to be better than US and the mistakes (or lack thereof) we made. For some, these expectations are influenced by unrealized dreams and goals that were never accomplished. Some, retains the E.B.T notion as mere tradition as it was something implied upon their lives in so they must do the same to their children. Regardless of the reasoning why high expectations exists, for the most part offsprings are often obligated to carry on their parents’ unrealized dreams. The children are expected to be better than the failures of their parents… and to be the next best thing.

This is unfair.

What we want from the younger generations may not exactly be what they want for themselves. We all have different gauges of success. For instance, some may define success through monetary achievements and material possessions. Some may define success through scholastics and knowledge. Some may define success by family intactness and strong friendships. Some will find success in pure solitude. For someone to determine the meaning of success in your life is truly limiting and insufferable. As we age, we will value things differently… some will value wealth more than family, education more than beauty, or talent over hard work. It should be your right as an individual to characterize your own life and develop your own values… it should be your freedom to decide what is truly important for your own good and happiness. For someone to imply the means of “how to live and how to have a good life” in your own life, is not acceptable at all.

You must break-free and follow your heart.

Life will always present fears and doubts in your head. The constant trouble of doubts will never leave your side, and even the most accomplished people have their own doubts too. For instance, let’s consider the situation of new university graduates. Yes, the new grads had definitely fulfilled one of the E.B.T requirements. But does that mean they’re ultimately on their way to a “happy-ever-after“? This question is so difficult to answer, because success and happiness varies for everyone. Some grads will find life fulfillment through knowledge and accomplishing a higher level of education. Some will not find any worth to this accomplishment until they find a job in which they can start acquiring monetary and career fulfillment. To some, this level of education may not be purposeful at all… to them, university education may just be a symbolic piece of paper in which they spent 4 years or more of their life achieving. Regardless of how you value your education, at the end of the day your happiness should only be characterized by you. Let’s keep expanding on this idea… shall we?

To those who value education, their definition of success is shaped by completing their university degree. To those who value money, their degrees is just another stepping stone towards their own definition of success. Lastly, to those who value education the least, their degree may just be a symbol of accomplishment that their families expected from them. That’s not all of it, here’s what triggers me the most…. what about the ones who will never find fulfillment in education… will they find fulfillment too?

If you think about, education is just one aspect of the E.B.T notion. Unfortunately, not everyone will satisfy each category of the E.B.T or to the extremely “unlucky” ones, they will never satisfy the E.B.T notion at all. Will these “unlucky” ones find fulfillment as well?

The answer is: YES.

IT DOES NOT MATTER IF YOU FALL WITHIN THE E.B.T NOTION OR NOT, BECAUSE YOUR HAPPINESS IS BASED ON YOUR OWN AND HOW YOU DEFINED IT FOR YOURSELF.

If living a simple life means the world to you, then go ahead and pursue it. If you want to dance for a living for the rest of your years, then dance your heart away. If you want to become the next Donald Trump and make billions, then go ahead and hustle hard. Don’t doubt yourself just because others have doubts in you. Don’t trap yourself within the false boundaries that other people had created to limit your life. The doubts we have exists within the confines of this imaginary boundary that many doubters had created upon us. These doubters will always doubt you, and you must not let their negativity impact your life. Once you start doubting yourself, then that’s when you truly become a failure.

It doesn’t matter how, when and/or where you’ll find your happiness and self-fulfillment. Life is a journey… and through this journey you will understand more and more of yourself. Life will scare us all. We will find ourselves feeling lost at some point… and our doubts will haunt us from time to time. But the key to overcoming these doubts in our heads is simple: you need to believe in yourself and understand that you control your own life. Never let anyone else dictate your life for you… because once you start listening to the doubters, you will be become one too. A failure’s biggest mistake is doubting their own self.

Don’t doubt yourself. You can fucking do it.

With love,

Mary Dezleigh Teodosio.

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You’re a QUEEN – Act and Think Like One!

May 3, 2017

Dear Readers,

After launching my blog to the public, I had been receiving a lot of social attention from my family, friends, and followers. I am so grateful for all the love and support I had been receiving lately. Words can not describe how meaningful it is for my posts to get noticed and adored by you all! Thank you.

Now, back to tonight’s post.

For some reason, many of you within social media, real life friends and peers, often approach me for “love advices”. I feel honoured to be able to give you all  my honest opinions about certain “matters of the heart”. But, little do you know, I’m not always the best leader to follow. Even though I seem perfectly composed and strong in my social media accounts, sometimes the aftermath of my last heartache still takes a toll on me. Regardless of how much I preach to you all about “moving on” and “letting go”, what I preach is often difficult for ME to follow.

I’ve already prepared myself for the ultimate event of my EX moving on to his next relationships. I’ve already visualized images of him and his “new” girl popping off in his Instagram and other social media accounts. Yet no matter how much mental and emotional preparation I did for this particular situation, when he posted new photos of a new “girl” on his Instagram, it still had me “shook”. I was affected and I was hurt… I was jealous… and I was annoyed. I thought I was ready to move on and ready to let him go. I was getting upset at the fact that something as little as 3 new photos of a “girl” on his Instagram account, went a long way in affecting my emotional behaviour. I was really, really, really distressed about it. How did a set of images affect me like that?

I CALLED MY FRIENDS AND THEY REMINDED ME, I DESERVE BETTER TOO. 

I may be a “love doctor” to many of you, but my “love doctors” are actually my best friends. You see, healing a broken heart is not an easy process because no matter how much you think you’ve healed, something as little as a poke can bring back all the pain. After making a few phone calls and deep conversations with my dearest friends, I realized I was being a little bitch about the whole thing. At this point, I realized that I was being silly for overreacting and feeling negative about those images. Like seriously, who cares about him and what he does? Why should I let him take a toll on my happiness? Why should I let some irrelevant girl affect a strong woman like me? Why be bothered by them, when I have so many great and beautiful things going on in my life!?!?! They are irrelevant to a queen like me.

And so I carried on and continued thinking like a queen searching for a real king.

Queens do not let any man bring them down from their rising glory and success. Queens do not get jealous, they strive to be better and best. Queens should not hold grudges, they must learn to forgive and to let go. Queens dictate their own lives and control their emotions and behaviours accordingly. Queens don’t behave like princesses. Queens are real women.

If you ever find yourself caught up in this situation, just remember:

YOU’RE A QUEEN. NO JEALOUSY. NO HATRED. QUEENS ATTRACT LOVE AND HAPPINESS. QUEENS ARE STRONG WOMEN. QUEENS UNDERSTAND THAT THEY ARE BETTER THAN THOSE WHO HAD HURT HER, AND WILL ALWAYS BE BETTER THAN THE PRINCESS FOLLOWING HER. QUEENS SEEK SELF-GROWTH AND NOT REVENGE. QUEENS WILL ALWAYS CHOOSE TRUTH, PEACE, HAPPINESS AND LOVE. QUEENS WILL NEVER SETTLE. A QUEEN WILL ALWAYS CARRY HERSELF WITH THE UTMOST PRIDE AND SELF-LOVE.

I’ve been acting like a queen for the past 6 months, why on earth should I degrade back to a princess’s mentality and behaviour?

Baby girl, you’re a queen, don’t be a princess. If the pain comes back again, even through the slightest bit, just remember… Queens will still carry on with their reign even though they are broken. A queen conquers all that threatens her peace of mind. I believe that in order to get over your latest heartache, you must view yourself as a QUEEN. You are a queen in all aspects, act and think like one – don’t let anything or anyone slow you down from conquering and reigning over your own life.

Carry on, my queens.

With love,

Mary Dezleigh Teodosio.