I’m Finally Ready – Meet My Boyfriend

July 11, 2017

Dear Readers,

After my first heartbreak (find out more here: Broken: October 30, 2016) my whole view on relationships completely changed. At some point, I even considered being single for the rest of my life. I even considered moving to a new city just to be isolated away from all the familiar faces in my life. My last breakup destroyed my ability to trust, and to love someone else greater than myself… or I once thought so. All of my doubts, frustrations, and anger in love changed when a 6 foot 1 gent came into my life.

Meet my boyfriend, Jason Yang!

We began as a pair who just wanted to be in each other’s company for the summer. Originally, we were introduced by my friend Gen during one of my drunken-party nights, and we began to text soon after. I first met Jason through a delightful afternoon of eating ice cream. We arranged to casually go out for ice cream at a Menchies nearby. Jason and I both live in the northwest area of Calgary, making it convenient for us to go to a nearby strip mall wherein Menchies is located. Our day began as soon as he picked me up in his red modified Genesis Coupe.

I’ll never forget how he made me feel that day… I felt so lost in our conversation and just blissfully in awe of how well I can connect, relate, and adore a complete stranger. My simple 3 hour ice cream grub with someone whom I barely knew, was turning into a complex 3 hour ice cream grub with someone I was meant to know. Nearing the time for us to go home, I felt robbed of time and I wanted the day to keep on going. After our ice cream grub, I wanted to get to know Jason more and I knew I really, really, really, liked him.

This summer, I never expected us to become a couple.

I’ve been very vocal in expressing my desire to remain single for the duration of summer. But, the best things in life often happens unexpectedly. For the next weeks after our meeting at Menchies, Jason and I became inseparable. We enjoyed each other’s company a little too much and we didn’t want to waste a perfectly fine summer alone. We wanted to create a summer we both will never forget. At first, we gave each other until the end of summer to determine if we were going to last more than just a summer fling. Astonishingly, we turned out to be more than just a season’s worth of romance. As we developed more and more of a strong liking and fascination in each other, it was getting obvious that Jason was ready to make us official… he was ready to turn our status into a “boyfriend-girlfriend” level… he was ready to commit into a fruitful relationship with me.

But I was scared.

I thought I wasn’t ready and I selfishly wanted the summer to be single…. but deep down, I knew I wanted to become his girlfriend eventually. I just wanted to take things slow and to assure myself that I wasn’t rushing into another temporary relationship fix. I didn’t want to hurt myself let alone hurt him, so I asked him to wait for me. Due to my selfish desire of independence, I bluntly told Jason that I’m not quite ready for a relationship. I asked Jason to give me the summer to understand myself better. I asked Jason to wait… and he did exactly that.

He waited until I finally told him, “baby, I’m ready”

Soon after I gave him my word, a few weeks later I found myself on the 12th floor of Sheraton Suites Calgary Eau Claire. It was a fairytale proposal. I had never been surprised in my life until that day. I’m not going to dive too much into this, because I want to dedicate a full “story time” video and blog about how he asked me to be his girlfriend… because the story will melt each girl’s heart, and make each woman crave for one like it.

I want to redirect this post to him.

Yes, at some point I didn’t want to be committed this summer. Yes, I was having fun partying each weekend, doing “my own thing”, acting carefree…. but NO – Not once did I think him and I would just remain as “friends with benefits” or a “summer fling”, I knew we would eventually turn into something more. It was all a matter of time to determine when we would become officially entitled and exclusive to each other. On June 25th, 2017, Mr. Jason Yang dropped on his knees and asked me, “will you be my girlfriend?”

I said, “YES!”

Now, I’m locked into a blossoming relationship with a man whose heart is pure gold. Jason treats me like a princess… literally. His smile cures my sorrows. His voice calms my storm. His touch soothes my pain and his eyes sees my soul. All the heartache I once felt is so worth it! If I had to endure that heartbreak again in order to receive Jason as my reward for all the agony, I would repeat that heartbreak process over, and over, and over again. This is the kind of love I’ve been dreaming of for many years. I’m finally ready to allow someone in. I’m finally ready to love someone greater than I ever had before… because I know this man will love me even more.

We’re just two trolls who finally became as one. 

With love,

Mary Dezleigh Teodosio.

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Allow Yourself to Fall in Love Again

July 4, 2017

Dear Readers,

The ones who had been scarred by love, their trust is not easy to earn. The ones who had been destroyed by love, they’re the ones whose hearts are cold yet beautiful all at once. It’s not easy to forget about the pain of a past breakup, and for the most part that pain affects any relationships you may have at present. The pain reminds you of how beautiful love can be and how awful it can end. Unfortunately, the pain may also prevent you from committing too hard or giving all your love away to any of your future or current relationships. Deep inside the broken, there is a fear of love and that is why the ones who had been broken before have a colder heart than most.

Nothing is more haunting than being betrayed by love. Nothing is more painful than heartbreak. 

Within each wounded heart, there is this lingering hesitation of committing and falling in love. No one wants to fall in love again just to end up being broken like their past. Due to the fear of getting hurt, we tend to build walls to protect ourselves from the pain. Some, may build walls just enough to let others in, while some will build walls too high that will make it nearly impossible for anyone to enter. This behaviour is determined by how much pain a person suffered after a breakup. The ones who built low walls suffered minimal pain, while the ones who built the highest walls suffered the most pain. Regardless of how much pain one suffered, any pain of love is still an excruciating pain. This pain will live deep within each brokenhearted soul and this will remind them not to fall too fast or to fall too much. 

Each relationship we invest ourselves in will have the potential of becoming our “forever”, while some will become a life lesson. Unsuccessful relationships will strengthen us, but it will also change the way we love. As a person, we will learn to protect ourselves because of our fear of getting hurt again. At the same time, our past relationships will also teach us how to be a better partner and lover. After going through a rough history with love, a beautiful mix of fear and desire will sprout within your heart. Fear of being in love and the desire of being loved once again. This unexplainable mix of emotions varies for each individual. Some will want to find love again as soon as possible to replace the pain. Some will want to avoid love as much as possible in order to protect themselves from suffering pain again. Some will be right in between.

You will never love like your old love was, you will only love better for the next. 

To the ones who will purposefully avoid being in love, they’re the ones who suffered the most heartache. Thus, their hearts had grown too cold and unwelcoming. I believe that those cold hearts still possess the potential of loving once again. It will be difficult to give warmth to a frozen heart…. but once the right individual comes along, the ice on the surface will slowly begin to melt. All you need to do is to wait for the right one and allow yourself to fall in love once again. Someday, the right person will make every heartache you suffered worthwhile.

In my personal experience, I had gone through a dark and miserable heartbreak once. This blog was created due to that awful experience. I started to share my heartbreak as a public display of my anger on love. At some point, I was consumed more of hatred than love. At some point my heart was so cold, it was infeasible to find warmth. However, deep down within me, regardless of how broken my soul was I still believed that someone out there will be deserving of my love. I knew I will fall in love again. I knew I had the potential of loving someone unconditionally just like that person would reciprocate my love. There may be fears of getting hurt still existing within me, but I know for certain that I must try to let someone in once more. I know for certain that my fear should not affect my happiness. I needed to allow myself to find someone with the potential of becoming my “forever”. I needed to let someone in.

I had my own share of fears of falling in love again, but those fears were not enough to deny someone in…

Today, I am more than happy to announce that on June 25th, 2017 I finally allowed a new person into my heart. Dear Readers, there is an amazing man behind my soul’s warmth and joy. He’s exceptional and he has earned a special place in my heart. He’s the reason why my heart is as warm as it could ever be this summer. I can’t wait to share more of our growing relationship with you all!!!

With love,

Mary Dezleigh Teodosio.

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