The Lessons Time Can Teach

October 1, 2017

Dear Readers,

This time around last year I was in a toxic relationship that blinded me from seeing my own truth. This time last year, I had different goals, and my priorities were not the same. It took a heartbreak to make me realize how I was straying farther and farther away from the person I truly wanted to be.

I had to redefine myself, and correct the past mistakes I made.

The past few weeks I had been trying to figure out myself. In the broadest way, I went searching for how I want “Mary Dezleigh Teodosio” to be like around this time again next year. A year ago I thought I would be someone else, and now I’m reevaluating it all. Now, I find myself picking up the slack on all the lectures I missed, waking up earlier for all the days I slept too much in, eating healthier for all the crappy food I had been feeding my body, socializing more in return for all the missed memories I could had made, working harder, being better, and loving a hundred times stronger.

The future is truly unpredictable. Tomorrow holds thousands of uncertainties. The next hour is another chapter to unravel. The next minute still has more. The next second is still a breath away. So, how am I suppose to prepare myself right now for who I will be tomorrow… next week… next month… next year? Who will I be then?

This is how I learned to believe and have faith that the greater good will come to those who wait. Patience learned from the cruelty of time, is a lesson worth learning. Time is neither a foe or an ally. Time is simply a measure of when the seasons change, the days passing, and the amount of growth we make. In so, I learned that time can be whatever you make it to be. Since time itself is not the sole indicator of one’s growth, time can be construed to fit in any possible way you want it to be. If you want to take your time in doing things a certain way, then so be it. If rushing and living life on the fast lane is more your style, then go for it! You have the ability to control your own time and how you want it to be spent – your life is yours to live.

But there is one lesson that our time will teach us in return.

Time taught me how to be patient. Regardless of how slow or fast I took things, I learned that if it’s not meant to be for me, it won’t happen. I learned that no matter how much I planned and dreamed, if it wasn’t destined for me, it won’t happen. For each failure in relationships, academics, life, and love I’ve ever had, I learned that there is a purpose behind it all. My patience taught me how to be strong and how to have faith in the uncertainties of life. I learned that I don’t always know the answer on “how to live a good life” and sometimes, what I want is simply not meant for me.

I learned that time can create better beings in lost souls. I learned that people can change in due time. I learned that we all have a purpose in this life, and eventually we will slowly unravel it day by day… but only to unravel so little of that purpose, and not to reveal its entirety. I learned that our quest to seek for our full life’s purpose, in chasing for time, and being patient throughout the process of its discovery is what creates a meaningful life.

Importantly, I learned to believe that everything happens for a reason, and that our time is the most valuable component of our lives.

At this point, I’m still trying to figure out who, what, and where I want to be in life. However, the process of figuring it all out is so much easier now since I had been falling in love with someone new. Love is so unpredictable, one minute you’re in love, then you’re out of love, and next thing you know you’re back to falling in love all over again.

Yes – I am talking about Mr. Jason Yang. His arrival in my life made me realize that I can fall in love again, and correct my past faults. I’ve been so lost in falling in love, yet I had not fallen out of myself either. Right now, I had found a partner I can build a future with… and our dream coincidentally match each other’s. I finally found a match to push me academically, professionally, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. And to think that the last year me didn’t know about this person coming into my life today… is insanely absurd!!!

Meeting Jason is proof that good things will come to those who wait. Meeting Jason gave my past troubles a reason. Meeting Jason is giving me a purpose to be better. Who knew that losing an old flame can result into a bigger, brighter, and stronger flame… a flame big enough to outshine the sun in me, like a supernova just waiting to explode… not in a catastrophic end, but towards rebirth of a new star.

With love,

Mary Dezleigh Teodosio.

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To Stay or To Go? (A Cheater’s Confession)

August 2, 2017

Dear Readers,

Life is all a matter of choice. We are always given an option in times of uncertainty and unclarity. How we choose from the options presented to us, determines the likelihood of people staying or leaving in our life. One important lesson I learned in my 21 years of existence is that our behaviour controls who stays and who goes. Sometimes, without even knowing it, we tend to push away the people we love. At our worst days, we will find ourselves hurting the ones whom we oath to protect and cherish. We tend to act in ways we often don’t understand, yet the behaviour simply feels like the “right thing to do”. The glory of allowing the right people enter your life is a blessing, yet the struggle lies within the lines of your wanting to stay and yearning to go all at once.

This is a confession from a cheater’s point of view. This is the sad truth from a person in a committed relationship whom did the unthinkable and despicable act of cheating.

This is my tale.

My last relationship ended because of infidelity. I got cheated on and the pain destroyed me in all ways and forms. But I never really explored into my past in this blog. I had you all thinking that I had always been the “better person” – the girl who can only love and will never cheat. Well, my 16 year old self will be the contrary of that image you have of me. I cheated once and it taught me so much at such a young age. This is what I learned.

(The story of who, when, how I cheated is completely irrelevant at this point. I was too young and the person whom I cheated on is now a man of epic proportions… In so, I will give him his privacy out of respect)

You see, a person will cheat out of fear of losing someone dear, yet they still have an extreme desire of wanting more. In a relationship we are always given two options. These options determines the longevity or the end of a relationship. Once you’re committed into a relationship, you are always left with the questions of:

1.) To stay?

OR

2.) To go?

These are the questions that makes relationships a problem for most. Some people often feel trapped between those two questions. Not everyone has the will and desire to always stay. Not everyone will settle down and some will choose to go. But what happens to the ones who can’t choose between 1 or 2?

If a person can’t select an option between option 1 or option 2, they will create a 3rd option for themselves.

3.) Cheat.

I strongly believe the most common mistake an individual makes that ruins his/her relationship is cheating. It’s so easy to cheat. It’s so easy to lie. Yet, to a point those lies will haunt you and will cost you so much than you can ever imagine. Cheating will impact the way you behave around your partner. This sudden change of behaviour will let your partner know something is wrong. Eventually, no matter how much you try to hide your infidelities, your partner will find out one way or another. Your lies will always catch up on you. I learned this the hard way.

Once all my lies caught up on me, I lost someone whom I cared for at the time… I didn’t deserve his kind soul and I lost all of him. But now that I think about it, after being cheated on, I understand why he left. The pain I placed on him was my fault because I was too selfish to consider his feelings. But it wasn’t only selfishness that led me towards cheating. There was so much more into it.

I think that a person cheats because he/she don’t understand themselves. I also think that a person cheats because they don’t love themselves enough, therefore they seek love in those whom they think are capable of giving them the love they need. Another reason why I think some people cheat is simply because they’re weaker than most… it’s easier to cheat than to breakup with someone… cheating is just so much easier when you’re at a low point in your life. I cheated because I felt all of these.

At 16 years old, I understood the importance of loyalty and honesty in a relationship. I knew what I was doing was wrong… I knew that cheating was not how I would want my relationship to end, yet I did it because I felt trapped… like I had no other choice. 

But I had a choice.

I wished I never cheated, because no one deserves the pain of feeling like they aren’t good enough. I wish I never cheated, because no one deserves to feel like they can be easily replaced… like they aren’t worthy of respect and real love. I wish I never cheated so that I wouldn’t be carrying the guilt of cheating for many years after. I wish I was a better person then.

Now, I’ve experienced being in the end of both sides: the one who cheated, and the one who got cheated on. In my lifetime I had already selected two choices. I chose option, “2.) To go”,  after I got cheated on. But before that, I also made my own option, “3.) cheat”,  at a time wherein I wasn’t sure of myself. Now there’s one option left. As of right now, I choose to stay.

With love,

Mary Dezleigh Teodosio.

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My First Magazine Feature!!!!

May 15, 2017

Dear Readers,

This blog and everything in it expresses me!!! This blog represents my dreams, goals, my being, my core, my life and purest joys. Since the launch of my blog, I had been receiving great praises and high support with “dezleighh.com”. This magazine feature which my friend wrote for me is truly remarkable and inspiring. The experience of being interviewed and having another write about my past experiences was different and unique. The best part of this interview is having to read and see the finish product!!!

This magazine article is amazing!!! Please, give it a read:

FULL MAGAZINE PDF

 

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Once again, thank you so much Amy!!! This magazine and your blog needs more attention and readers!!! Check out Amy’s blog at:

http://www.thaomibui.com/

With love,

Mary Dezleigh Teodosio.