When Girls Hate Each Other…

Dear Readers,

Millennials today have a big problem.

Nowadays, millennials measure beauty by the amount of likes and comments a girl can get on her Instagram photos. Thus, competition among girls lead towards aggressive and more negative forms. Today, girls online will simply hate on another girl just because she’s posting so much selfies which is attracting hundreds of likes each time. If a girl is getting more online attention, views, and followings, this can attract female jealousy and female hate. Other than online popularity, the less popular girls have their own share of online critics too. Today, it’s hard to find a place for a girl to express herself without being criticized or hated upon. It’s difficult to ignore that online attention can amount to both positive and negative types.

In this particular post, I want to address negative female behaviours towards their fellow females. Specifically, I want to talk about females hating on other females solely because of what they see online.

The idea of hating on another girl just because of what she posts online is absolutely horrific and sad for me. Most of this online hate comes in the form of “hate comments”, for example, “you’re fat”, “you’re ugly”, “try hard”, “ew”, and best of all, “slut”.

When girls hate each other, we go against the whole idea of women empowerment.

When girls hate each other, we prevent rising females to lead in an influential way.

When girls hate each other, we destroy each other’s self-esteems, and crush each other’s spirits.

Instead of supporting each other, women are sooooo good at dragging each other down. 

I truly, do not support the idea of dragging each other down. One girl who doesn’t fit the mold of societal beauty does not deserve to be criticized for her appearances. An Instagram model flaunting her god given gifts should not be criticized either. Any form of hate towards another girl’s appearance, clothing, lifestyle, or beliefs are unacceptable. Remember, if a girl is posting stuff online that DOES NOT HARM YOU OR AFFECT YOU, her postings should be none of your business. Yet, women’s inborn jealousy and arrogance will inevitably cause hate towards other women who she may perceive as a “threat”, or as “someone who is better than her”.

What happened to women supporting other women?

It doesn’t matter how big or small a girl is, how many followers she has, or what type of photos she posts online, because at the bottomline of it all, no one has the right to judge another by the way he/she decides to live and share their lives online. If someone is sharing posts that truly bothers you, my best advice is to, “unfollow”…. if it’s at the point wherein that individual is harming your peace of mind, the next best advice I have is to, “block”. Truly, there is no sense in starting online wars if the drama prevention steps, such as unfollowing and blocking are so easy to follow.

An Instagram influencer who works so hard on providing content, capturing marketable images, and starting a brand for her name, should not be condemned as one who is, “seeking for attention and fake” – She’s simply making moves and making a name for herself. This girl works so hard to get her creativity out, to create the best pictures and share meaningful content… why the hell would hate on that, is it because you can’t do it like she does? 

A girl who may only have 50 followers, have a different body shape than most, and may have severe social skills, does not deserve to be bullied online either. Who gave you the right to drag someone down… especially someone who is fighting her own battle against depression, handling her own mental issues and dealing with her other personal problems… This girl already has too much on her plate, and dealing with unnecessary online drama is punishment she does not deserve…who made you so perfect that you can freely criticize her appearance or life? 

We all have our battles. 

The online world is a cruel place to be for those who do not have tough skins, and strong minds. I feel bad for those girls who are always being put down on social media. Worst of all, I feel awful for those girls who lack confidence in themselves and thus feel the need to drag others down with them. Those girls who are so negative online, are the worst types of girls… I think that female online bullies have insecurities bigger than the girls they’re trying to drag down.

Females are just jealous creatures in nature. But this jealousy does not need to surmount your inner good. To type hateful comments online and to actively promote bullying requires action which is derived from one’s corrupted mind and heart. Instead of drawing energy from this, why can’t females just focus on the good instead?

Instead of promoting hate towards other females, why can’t we all just unite and support each other. Instead of commenting, “you suck”, why won’t you comment, “you’ll get better”. Instead of commenting, “you’re ugly”, why can’t you just say, “you’re pretty”, or say NOTHING at all. Some females fail to understand that their actions online have an impact to those targeted by their actions. One simple comment on a girl’s photo in Instagram can either make or break her day….

I choose to make her day. 

I’m the type of girl who would much rather comment positivity on someone’s page rather than typing negative comments. Remember, your actions online is also an image of who you are in real life. What you say online is a reflection of who you are. In so, I want to be someone who is known for being genuine, kind, and nice both online and in real life – this is why I choose to uplift females by saying nice things to them, complimenting them, and making them feel important. I would much rather be a positive female than a negative one. Think about it, doesn’t it make you feel good to be complimented?? Doesn’t it make you feel nice when someone else calls you, “pretty” or comments, “I love your outfit”?! So, why can’t we all just share this feeling of joy from being adored and supported… instead of making each other feel like shit?!

Online bullies will always exist.

The way to deal against these bullies is through unity in numbers. Think about it, there are more victims than there are bullies. If all of us victims, and non-victims support each other, I’m sure these online bullies will slowly disappear and stop. By making someone’s day as simple as commenting, “you’re pretty”, on their recent selfie online, or commenting, “good job”, on their most recent accomplishment, can outweigh any negative actions and ill wishes a bully will have. Our words matter. By saying or commenting something nice and sweet, can truly help to uplift someone who is having a bad day. Like I said before, we all have our battles… so why not ease each other’s battles by being a nice person to each other?

Spread love, not hate.

Don’t be that girl who hates too much on others, because when girls hate each other it’s a disease that will hurt as all. Remember, your online character/persona reflects you in real life too. So don’t act big and mighty online, when in reality you’re not.

HIKING THE CANADIAN ROCKIES

With love,

Mary Dezleigh Teodosio

Reflections of a 4th Year Uni Kid

November 14, 2017

Dear Readers,

4th year of university is a beautiful combination of fear and excitement. Excitement as in you’re so close to being done with school – and the feeling of accomplishment and success is maximized each day as you get closer to graduation day… yet the fear exists as you transition into the stages of adulthood, as in the fear of “growing up”, from job hunting to moving out, to going to work religiously from Mondays to Fridays, all the while paying for your adult bills and student loans.

It’s so fascinating how much time flies within the years you spend in university. I spent 4 autumns studying the mesmerizing world of accounting. I spent four falls and four winters going to campus, studying, drinking my half steeped tea-half french vanilla from Tims, 4 falls and 4 winters worth of stressing about assignments, tests, midterms, and finals. 4 cold winters of driving 20 to 30 minutes everyday on the icy roads of Sarcee Trail and Crowchild. 4 falls and 4 winters of lectures…. note taking…. socializing…. growth… and discovering myself.

Without a doubt, I wouldn’t had wanted it any other way.

During the past 4 years, I made friends, and created enemies too. I met plenty of outstanding individuals, such as Professor Shiraz Kurji who had impacted my life beyond knowledge and pushed me towards self-discovery. I met people who inspires me everyday, and people who had inspired me at times wherein I needed it the most. In the last four fall semesters I spent in Mount Royal University, this fall semester is perhaps the best one.

This fall, with the sight of graduation day inching closer and closer, I find myself more determined to graduate. My desire to conquer everything I have not yet conquered in university is heightened. The new Riddell library is like my second home lately, and the communities around Mount Royal safeguards my car for the day. The gym is like my escape room – a place wherein I can find peace through running on the treadmill. The hallways seem so familiar, yet becoming more unfamiliar each day as newer faces comes in and out. EVERYTHING about this LAST FALL SEMESTER is a mix of joy and sad.

So far, I had learned how to budget my money, prepare my food, wake up early, be punctual, how to send a professional e-mail, file my taxes, balance a balance sheet, prepare financial statements, be a team player, how to lose and gain weight, where to park for free around campus, best times to study, and SO MUCH MORE.

But the best lesson I learned so far, is that time flies fast.

At the beginning, four years of university seemed like a stretch. 4 years seemed too long. Now, as a student in her 4th year, I’m looking back at the past years and questioning myself, “how did time fly so fast….”

For the newbies, the “first year brats”, believe me when I say, “You have so much to learn with so little time”.

With love,

Mary Dezleigh Teodosio.

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To Stay or To Go? (A Cheater’s Confession)

August 2, 2017

Dear Readers,

Life is all a matter of choice. We are always given an option in times of uncertainty and unclarity. How we choose from the options presented to us, determines the likelihood of people staying or leaving in our life. One important lesson I learned in my 21 years of existence is that our behaviour controls who stays and who goes. Sometimes, without even knowing it, we tend to push away the people we love. At our worst days, we will find ourselves hurting the ones whom we oath to protect and cherish. We tend to act in ways we often don’t understand, yet the behaviour simply feels like the “right thing to do”. The glory of allowing the right people enter your life is a blessing, yet the struggle lies within the lines of your wanting to stay and yearning to go all at once.

This is a confession from a cheater’s point of view. This is the sad truth from a person in a committed relationship whom did the unthinkable and despicable act of cheating.

This is my tale.

My last relationship ended because of infidelity. I got cheated on and the pain destroyed me in all ways and forms. But I never really explored into my past in this blog. I had you all thinking that I had always been the “better person” – the girl who can only love and will never cheat. Well, my 16 year old self will be the contrary of that image you have of me. I cheated once and it taught me so much at such a young age. This is what I learned.

(The story of who, when, how I cheated is completely irrelevant at this point. I was too young and the person whom I cheated on is now a man of epic proportions… In so, I will give him his privacy out of respect)

You see, a person will cheat out of fear of losing someone dear, yet they still have an extreme desire of wanting more. In a relationship we are always given two options. These options determines the longevity or the end of a relationship. Once you’re committed into a relationship, you are always left with the questions of:

1.) To stay?

OR

2.) To go?

These are the questions that makes relationships a problem for most. Some people often feel trapped between those two questions. Not everyone has the will and desire to always stay. Not everyone will settle down and some will choose to go. But what happens to the ones who can’t choose between 1 or 2?

If a person can’t select an option between option 1 or option 2, they will create a 3rd option for themselves.

3.) Cheat.

I strongly believe the most common mistake an individual makes that ruins his/her relationship is cheating. It’s so easy to cheat. It’s so easy to lie. Yet, to a point those lies will haunt you and will cost you so much than you can ever imagine. Cheating will impact the way you behave around your partner. This sudden change of behaviour will let your partner know something is wrong. Eventually, no matter how much you try to hide your infidelities, your partner will find out one way or another. Your lies will always catch up on you. I learned this the hard way.

Once all my lies caught up on me, I lost someone whom I cared for at the time… I didn’t deserve his kind soul and I lost all of him. But now that I think about it, after being cheated on, I understand why he left. The pain I placed on him was my fault because I was too selfish to consider his feelings. But it wasn’t only selfishness that led me towards cheating. There was so much more into it.

I think that a person cheats because he/she don’t understand themselves. I also think that a person cheats because they don’t love themselves enough, therefore they seek love in those whom they think are capable of giving them the love they need. Another reason why I think some people cheat is simply because they’re weaker than most… it’s easier to cheat than to breakup with someone… cheating is just so much easier when you’re at a low point in your life. I cheated because I felt all of these.

At 16 years old, I understood the importance of loyalty and honesty in a relationship. I knew what I was doing was wrong… I knew that cheating was not how I would want my relationship to end, yet I did it because I felt trapped… like I had no other choice. 

But I had a choice.

I wished I never cheated, because no one deserves the pain of feeling like they aren’t good enough. I wish I never cheated, because no one deserves to feel like they can be easily replaced… like they aren’t worthy of respect and real love. I wish I never cheated so that I wouldn’t be carrying the guilt of cheating for many years after. I wish I was a better person then.

Now, I’ve experienced being in the end of both sides: the one who cheated, and the one who got cheated on. In my lifetime I had already selected two choices. I chose option, “2.) To go”,  after I got cheated on. But before that, I also made my own option, “3.) cheat”,  at a time wherein I wasn’t sure of myself. Now there’s one option left. As of right now, I choose to stay.

With love,

Mary Dezleigh Teodosio.

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