Stop Social Media Stalking Your EX!

June 13, 2017

Dear Readers,

Last Sunday I suffered another giant emotional breakdown which resulted to a late night parking lot conversation under the rain, followed by a plate of nachos in Denny’s at 2:00 am. My companion: someone who has changed my perspective on relationships, and he is also someone who I truly adore at this given time. However, this post is not about introducing this “new individual”, rather, this post is about why we ended up in a school parking lot, on a rainy Sunday night, with my tears streaming down my face while his hand was tightly holding mine. This post is a story about how one individual taught me how to truly let go of my past love and lectured me on how to finally move on.

On the hours prior to my emotional breakdown, I somehow found myself lurking around my EX’s Instagram account. I might as well add that this is NOT the first time I creeped my EX’s Instagram account since our breakup. I often find myself casually “checking” my EX’s page from time to time. As I opened my EX’s profile, I found pictures that turned my whole mood upside down and left me in total disarray. I’ve seen pictures of people I didn’t want to see. I was caught up in an ocean of anger, sadness, jealousy, betrayal, and many more unexplainable feelings. Due to this mix of emotional chaos, I broke down and transferred my emotional aggressions and frustrations to this “new individual” – let’s call him “J”.

J and I had been seeing each other for a few weeks before this emotional breakdown. Now, it’s important I mention all his attributes so that you would have a better understanding as to why my actions on that Sunday night were completely outrageous. He’s a charming gentleman, mature, responsible, smart, sweet, sincere, and incredibly kind. For the past few days leading to that particular Sunday, J and I were undeniably sharing a deep interest and attraction to each other. Everything between J and I were going along great and we were off to a great relationship beginning. But, after seeing what I saw on my EX’s Instagram profile our tranquility as a pair was threatened. Out of the blue, I gave J a panic call exclaiming to him how, “I want US to end”.

In his confusion for my profound and unexplainable behaviour, he asked for the reasons why I made such a sudden decision. You can’t really blame him for being bewildered because we had been having great time together before all my emotional commotion occurred. Therefore I told him, “I’m not ready for this [relationship] yet again, I’m clearly not over my EX yet”. Furthermore, he asked me why I still feel this way… It has been months since my breakup, yet I still get affected by my EX’s actions. My only response was an explanation of what triggered my emotions which can all be blamed to MY decision on creeping my EX’s Instagram account.

IT WASN’T SOCIAL MEDIA THAT CAUSED MY ERRATIC BEHAVIOUR AND UNCONTROLLABLE EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWN – IT WAS ME.

Refusing to end the beautiful beginning we were having, J insisted we have a talk in person despite of how late the night was getting. Without any further hesitations, I agreed to having our talk in person and he drove over to my house within the next 20 minutes under a rainy June night. Our “talk” began shortly after he picked me up from my house and we drove straight to a quiet school parking lot nearby.

In all, J made me realize that social media “stalking” and “creeping” is one of the reasons why I can’t move on. I’m getting too caught up with what my EX is doing in his life, which is directly preventing me from living my own. You see, J rationalized my behaviour and the results of it through explaining that I placed myself in this emotional situation. It was my fault for lurking around too much. It was my fault for creeping too much. It was my fault for always spying on my EX. It’s my fault as to why I still can’t move on from my last relationship.

WHY?

If I hadn’t been creeping my EX’s Instagram account on that Sunday night, then I wouldn’t have that particular conversation with J. If I didn’t “check” on my EX’s new posts, J and I wouldn’t have to deal with my delirious state of mind. If I refused to spy on my EX, then I wouldn’t have felt unworthy, unsatisfied, unloved, unappreciated or undeserving. These are the reasons why I need to stop social media stalking/spying/creeping/checking on my EX. I placed myself in this emotional state of mind. I caused this emotional wreck inside of me, simply because I still find myself lurking around my EX’s Instagram page.

Does it really matter who HE is dating now? Does it really matter what HE does? Does it really matter what HE posts? His life doesn’t involve me anymore. I’m only fooling myself by creeping too much. I’m only hurting myself by looking too much… and I can’t let this happen anymore. I need to move on. 

In order to move on from the past, one must learn to take all the steps necessary to move on. In my case, I must learn to stop spying/creeping on my EX and focus more on me and my own relationships.

I almost lost a great guy that night… I’m glad he stayed and talked me out of making yet another dumb choice. 

At that night, I realized how I must learn to move on, instead of holding on to the memories of my past. That Sunday, I realized how there are people out there willing to fight for me and who are willing to be a part of my life. I learned that I can’t fully let go of the memories from my past, however, I can create better memories with better people. I must learn to let people in, instead of pushing people away. J made me realize that I am wasting too much of my time worrying about other people’s lives, when I have a beautiful life of my own to live. From now on, J made me swear on how I should truly move on by living my own life and worrying less about my EX. I can’t keep losing track of my new relationships and new beginnings… remaining stuck in the memories of my past will not lead me to growth and self-fulfilment. Therefore, I must let go and move on.

No more social media stalking/spying/creeping/checking on my EX or on other irrelevant people. The ones who are truly meant to be a part of my life will be a part of MY social media accounts… I shouldn’t waste my time searching for “ghosts” in my life, because the real ones should already be surrounding me.

Through this, I hope you all learn from my mistakes. If blocking your EXs on social media is not your thing, then you should have the will power to resist the urge on lurking around your EX’s social medias. If you can, PLEASE BLOCK YOUR EX ON ALL YOUR SOCIAL MEDIAS. This will truly save you a lot of heartache and help you to move on faster. The only reason why my EX is still unblocked from my social medias, is simply because I know he’s viewing my life through my accounts and regretting each mistake he has made upon me.

Sincerely,

Mary Dezleigh Teodosio.

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The Number One Reason Why Relationships Fail: Lies

June 7, 2017

Dear Readers,

If we can all be honest to our partners, I wonder how many relationships out there could had been saved. If we all sided with the truth, I wonder how many couple’s fights could had been avoided. If we all never lied to each other as a partner, a friend, a human being, I wonder how much better the world would be today. But sometimes, even the ones whom you think will never lie, will do it too. At some point, no matter how much you have sworn you will never lie to someone who is special to you, at some point even you will cross that line. We are humans, and we are so easily tempted to make the wrong choices to benefit our own. We all have selfish sides, and my own selfishness caused me to lose a relationship. Here’s to another failed relationship on my behalf.

I’m sorry I lied, I’m sorry I destroyed us. This post is for you, my long distance friend whom could had been so much more. I failed you and I failed our potential at becoming more… and with that I am awfully sorry. 

I had been fairly open about my “love life” here on this blog. Many of you already know about the special someone I had been talking closely to for the past 5 months. Importantly, many of you by now knows about the undeniably far distance that separates us. Given how we had never met and the distance dividing us, our relationship’s failure was inevitable. Many, including myself, truly hoped that him and I would work out and prove the universe and its doubters wrong. However, we became just another statistic of failed long distance relationships. We became nothing, yet at some point we both were hoping to become something greater.

Let me tell you why we failed… because in this situation, the distance was not the only reason why.

Since the beginning, I had always been hesitant about getting into a long distance relationship. For those of you who may not know me on a personal level, one key thing about my personality is that I am a planner. I like to plan things in advance, especially details about my life and how I want it to look like in the future. With this in mind, I tried envisioning my life with him in the picture. Most scenarios I made in my head would had been possible, but I knew it wasn’t going to be an easy route. I pictured all the great parts of what could had been us… parts such as our first meeting, him visiting me in Calgary, me flying to California to visit him, introducing each other to our families and friends, etc. But reality eventually hit me, this relationship is manageable and totally attainable, however it is going to be an expensive one. For us to be physically together, there will be a great deal of flying and travelling involved. In addition, at some point in the far future, this constant “travelling” will have to result to a permanent solution. Therefore, one of us would have to sacrifice and move for the other. I knew it wasn’t going to be an easy journey right from the beginning, yet I continued talking to him for many more months after the first.

My fear of being committed into a long distance relationship lead to me behaving more distantly from him. The past few weeks, I had been investing less and less of my time in him. I used my social life and busy schedule to cope with the problem I already had in mind. We also had been arguing tremendously for the past month and I was not willing to have more arguments. Our arguments were immature ones too. For the most part, our arguments sparked from our poor communication and depreciating effort and time for each other. Due to my arrogant and selfish side, I did what I do best… I kept my distance and selfishly prioritize my own happiness in exchange for his.

I believe my main mistake with dealing against the distance was my quietness about the topic and lack of communication. I never told him about how scared I was to be committed in a long distance relationship. I never told him about my concerns and doubts. I kept it all to myself and only shared it with my friends. Maybe, if I had been more vocal about it, maybe him and I could had figured out a plan on overcoming the distance. But instead, I chose to remain silent.

BUT THAT IS NOT ALL OF IT

3 weeks ago I unexpectedly met someone who is now becoming a bigger and bigger part of my life. Let’s call him, “Jay” and I also need to add a quick disclaimer: before this Jay (NOT MY EX JAY) entered the picture, “American Bae” and I had already been going through a rough time.

When we were starting the baby phases of our long distance relationship, we agreed on us not being exclusive to each other. We were very close, but we were never official or committed to a “boyfriend-girlfriend” relationship. Therefore, we allowed each other to talk to other people with the respect of telling the other what was going on. This is where I messed up. I kept Jay as a secret from him. We had an agreement that solely relied upon honesty and trust, an agreement that I clearly broke by choosing not to disclose the growing relationship between Jay and I. Worst of all, I even lied to him multiple times about my whereabouts just to hide my romantic activities with Jay. On our last call made on June 1, 2017, I finally confessed and told him the truth about Jay and why I had been acting differently within the past weeks prior to our “talk”.

Now, there are also a few key points that I should mention. Before some of you may start thinking, “well Dez, since you weren’t an exclusive couple, I think what you did was fine…” It would had been fine, if I never lied. On top of the lies, his commitment was only on me. He only talked to me and ONLY ME for the past 5 months and never had any interests in other girls… and trust me, with his good looks and charm, he can easily get any girl he wants… BUT NO… his time and attention was only devoted for me. Yet, I failed to devote myself for him. I was too selfish to consider his sacrifices and commitments. I was too selfish and weak, that I even resulted to lying for my own benefit. Worst part is, my lies not only ruined our relationship, it also ruined his ability to trust again… just like how my EX ruined my ability to trust again too. Ohhh man, the irony of it all. I stooped so low and became as worst as my EX was. I became the liar who selfishly ended a relationship with so much potential of becoming great. A lie will always be a lie and a lie made once can destroy one’s ability to trust again. This is why I can never forgive myself for my behaviour.

That’s not the worst of it, this August he was planning to surprise me on my birthday by coming up to Canada to meet me. He has been planning this surprise trip with the help of my friend. This information made me realize how he had his life all planned out too… On our last FaceTime call he told me that in August is when he was planning to ask me to be his “official girlfriend”. He wanted to make “us” official and he wanted to achieve this in person instead of proposing through FaceTime. Just like me, he was planning his future too, but his future plans included me in it. He even went as far as telling me that he was planning on finishing his current work commitments and was planning on eventually moving to Canada to finish his post-secondary education.

Hearing all of his plans saddened me, because I never knew about it and I wanted it ALL TO HAPPEN TOO. It took me by surprise how he wanted me to be a part of his life, yet I wasn’t willing to include him in mine. After hearing about his plans, I started envisioning how we could work… but my visions came a little too late. He was angered by my actions and his trust in me will never be the same. A part of me still hopes for his plans to come true, but given what I did, it will all remain as a plan that will never lead towards fruition.

Despite my poor choice of actions and unforgivable behaviour, I learned many things from American Bae. Without his presence in my life, I would had never understood the importance communication in a relationship. In addition, his presence in my life taught me the true importance of honesty, truth, and integrity within all relationships. From this experience, I’ve grown to realize that even I will lie too… even I am willing to make the same mistakes that my EX made in order to protect myself from getting hurt and to secure my own happiness. This experience made me realize just how much I hated lying to my partner, and I will make sure, that from here on end, all my relationships will be built on a strong foundation of honesty. Hopefully, the older me will be a woman who will stand firm in honesty, truth, and loyalty. I know I made a terrible mistake, and because of this I swear I will never repeat the same mistake again.

A relationship grows from a couple’s ability to communicate, while honesty is what secures a relationship’s longevity. 

Sincerely,

Mary Dezleigh Teodosio.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Enjoy Your Freedom – A Tip to Single People for Summer 2017

May 25, 2017

Dear Readers,

Since summer is coming up fairly quick here, it’s important that you remember to enjoy yourself to the best you can. Let “Summer 2017” be your season to explore the world, expand your horizons, meet new people, party hard each weekend, get lost somewhere, spontaneous car rides to unknown destinations, ice cream runs at 1 AM, early morning jogs or late night walks, or simply chill at home as you finish yet another Netflix show. As a single person, there’s so much you can do within the summer months. So relax, take it easy and enjoy your independence. This summer, just find comfort in your singleness knowing that it’s not “cuffing season” just yet.

What is “cuffing season”?

“During the Fall and Winter months people who would normally rather be single or promiscuous find themselves along with the rest of the world desiring to be “Cuffed” or tied down by a serious relationship. The cold weather and prolonged indoor activity causes singles to become lonely and desperate to be cuffed” (Urban Dictionary, 2017, source).

This summer, I hope you find yourself even more. Let this summer be one in which you allow yourself to be surrounded by joy, fun, adventure, and happiness. If you’re single like me, here’s the best advice I can ever give you for the next 3 summer months: STAY SINGLE.

Trust me, there’s so much to do on your own. 

If you’re reading this as someone who’s currently in a relationship, well I still hope you and your partner have an amazing summer too. But for the most part, this post is truly aimed for those who are currently single – especially the ones (like me) who are going through their first summer of being single after many, many, many years of being tied down in a relationship. You see, upon deep reflection about wanting to have someone to share my “Summer 2017” with, I realized that I’m perfectly fine on my own for the season. My summer should not revolve around nobody else but me.

As a student I don’t really have plenty of time to spend socializing and having fun when the Fall and Winter semesters begin. In September, I will enter my 4th and final year in university. I promised myself that my last year as a student will be completely devoted in achieving my academic goals and focusing solely on the foundation of my future career. Thus, it makes sense for a student like me to take advantage of “Summer 2017”. I only get 3 months during the year to take a break from my responsibilities at school. I only get 3 months off from the stress and hard work… so why not make each and every single day in those 3 months count? 

For the most part, I truly want to share the next 3 months creating lasting and fun memories with my new and old friends. This summer, I want to create stories worth sharing at my wedding someday. I want great and epic summer stories that will blow my future fiancé’s mind!!! So far, I’m already off to a great start. There has been a few experiences my friends and I had gone through the past month that we all will remember for the rest of our lives (i.e. “Bespoke Squad” – to my friends, this inside joke is for you). For the summer, as absurdly profound and dumb as this may sound, I am also doing a “Party Weekend Streak (P.W.S)”. This P.W.S is currently going strong and I’m already on my 8th weekend in a row. My main rule for P.W.S is fairly straightforward: party at least once on the weekends until summer ends. My goal this summer is to reach 15 weekends of straight P.W.S. Just imagine what stories are there to be unfolded and future stories I could tell with my P.W.S!!!

Another reason why being single this summer is ideal for me is that this blog is going to require so much work and attention for the next 3 months. As I get busier in school in September, I will barely have time to blog and share my ideas. I’m building my blog as much as I can right now, knowing that I’ll eventually slow down once school begins. As a single person, I control so much more of my time. Given all the freedom I have, I can choose when to go out for a photoshoot, when to record, when to edit, when to write, and I have more flexibility with my time. If I was still in a committed relationship, I may have to adjust my time to my partner’s as well as to mine. Thus, it’s better that I’m currently single because my time is not shared with anyone else but me!!! Meaning, I can do absolutely whatever I want for the next 3 months without any boundaries or hinderance. Be ready for all the blogposts, videos, photos, collaborations, and ideas I have coming up!!! This summer, I’m releasing bangers after bangers, after bangers!!!

Lastly, I truly think that being single for the summer is what my heart and soul needs. I need to experience a summer of being an independent being without having any commitments to anyone. I need to be selfish this summer and just do things that I want. Since my past 5 years relationship, I had gone through 5 straight summers sharing it with the exact same person. Within those summers, I’ll admit that I lost track of the things I wanted to do as an individual. I don’t even know what it’s like to be single during Stampede (Calgary Festival that occurs annually in July) – I heard the parties are wild around this time in the city. What if I meet my next boo then? In addition, I want to fully realize my individual growth before I turn 22 years old this August 30th. I want to gift myself an awesome summer experience in which I know for certain I wouldn’t experience if I was in a relationship. Therefore, I will take my time this summer to experience all those selfish desires I’ve always had but never achieved. Simple desires such as: focusing on my hobbies (blogging, jogs, brunch dates, hiking etc.), celebrating life with the people I genuinely have fun with, and meeting new and exciting people that has the potential of changing my life for the best.

You see, a relationship does not prevent one in attaining all the points I mentioned of why being single for the summer is a great idea. But to most people, having a summer to experience the single life to its fullest is an opportunity we should take. In the future, once we find the right person for our love, we will have plenty of summers to share with him/her. So why rush it all?!? Take this summer now, and make it your own!!! Who knows, this could be your last summer as a single person. Maybe sometime next summer you’ll have someone to share all of this with. But for now, enjoy yourself and don’t ruin your  own version of “Summer 2017”. If you want, you can join me in my P.W.S. or even create your own summer blog! Whatever it is, I hope you find yourself this summer. Enjoy your freedom, because you deserve it.

Sincerely,

Mary Dezleigh Teodosio.

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