Relationship Guide #1: Holy Trinity

Dear Readers,

The other day, I was interviewed by a student in communications and broadcasting at the Southern Alberta Institute of Technology (SAIT), who was doing a project about local Calgary influencers. Among her questions was, “what got you into blogging in the first place?

And, just like that I’m here writing this post.

My blog, is a personal story of my life. An open book that tells stories of heartaches and love. Those who had been reading along with my stories since the very beginning will know that this blog was originally a “relationship and love” blog. Why I stopped writing about relationships and love… I really don’t know.

After, my traumatic experience of being cheated on, lied to, used, and completely being treated like trash… I built myself bigger, better, and brighter. I told myself, “one day, all  you will ever write about are the pretty things in life, all the positives, all the happy things, and all the good that is there in life.”

That’s when I lost a genuine piece of me, because by letting myself write my pain and sorrow showed a side of our being that we all have –  it showed both vulnerability and strength. The moment I stopped talking about my relationships and views about love, was the moment I lost my spark as a writer. There’s nothing more empowering and true than a woman who is speaking genuinely from her core. And tonight, I’m going to do exactly that.

On that thought, I kept thinking – maybe I should invest a portion of my blog to be one section devoted to act as a “Relationship Guide”. So here we are, as I welcome you to the first post in my “Relationship Guide” series, which I hope will become a monthly occurrence. (YAY – IM BACK BITCHESSSS!)

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My aim with these series:

  • allow myself to write expressively and freely again
  • be your serving guide towards a better and healthier relationship
  • release MONTHLY content

On that note, LET’S START !

In a perfect world, love is in abundance. In a perfect world, heartaches and being broken doesn’t exist. Yet we all know, the perfect world doesn’t exist until we reach heaven. But on earth, we try to make the best version of  our heaven that we can get.

Jason and I had been doing great. In fact, we barely fight. When we do, we often solve our issues as best we could and as fast as we can. Leaving things unresolved to linger longer is not really our forte.  Thus, being happy and at peace in a healthy relationship is not really the best case scenario for a relationship blogger who have readers more interested in heartbreak stories. Then I realized, maybe I should talk about what makes my relationship with Jason so great – and like a giant flickering light bulb, it dinged and hit me: I SHOULD TALK ABOUT THE 3 CORE THINGS A RELATIONSHIP NEEDS FOR IT TO LAST!!!! 

Throughout the years I had come to understand that a relationship needs 3 core things in order for it to last. I call these 3 core things, as the “Holy Trinity” – which consists of:

1.) Humility

2.) Patience

3.) Trust

HUMILITY

We all have egos bigger than the sun, and pride too strong to be ignored. Sometimes, our ego and pride can get the best of us… Sometimes, we act more towards what our ego dictates and what our pride can’t contain. In a relationship, acting out based on ego and pride is an ultimate path towards failure. But, I get it… sometimes it’s hard to apologize, or accept your fault, or to let an argument go, or to ignore the little things… Like I genuinely get it…

BUT…

There must come a point wherein both partners need to humble themselves down.

After an argument, remember that it’s always easier to “say sorry”,  than to yell your lungs out and create a bigger issue out of nothing.

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When you fuck something up, it’s easier to admit to it, than to keep denying your own faults. You’re human  and you’re not always going to be right – so just dial it back, and own up to your mistakes!!!! Remember – everyone in life must own up to their faults, because there is nothing worse than a person who lacks accountability. This advice is not just for personal relationships, it applies to everything!!!

When an argument stirs up, and you find yourself in complete conflict with your partner, don’t just sleep it out and “let it go”… voice yourself out… and make sure that at some point you two find a way to meet in the middle and understand each other’s views without putting your own views at stake.

Lastly, never ignore the little things… the little things like, “miscommunication”, “forgotten plans”, “lack of effort”, “strange behavior” , “unspoken actions”, “misguided thoughts”, and soooo much more issues that people typically consider as the “little things”,
should NEVER be ignored. Don’t let your ego tell you, “you don’t have time for this”, “don’t listen to this nonsense”, “he’s wrong, I’m right”, or “I have better things to do”.

Personally, I want people to reciprocate the amount of effort I give in a relationship, to communicate with me, and to understand that, even though my life is busy as it is, I always have time to listen and to talk… I may not always be the first one initiating the conversation, but when you need me, I’m there. So when I need to talk, even if it’s a “little thing”, you better be there to listen to me, as I would for you.

Put your ego aside, and for the right person, learn how to give as much as you take, listen as much as you talk, and accept that your flaws are just as equal as your partner’s flaws. Find joy in being humble, because the right person for you will be able to see the real you, through and through.

“You are not greater than your partner. sometimes, saying nothing at all is better than making any noise. Silence speaks more volumes than words ever will at times of anger”

PATIENCE

Just like many things, relationships will require huge amounts of invested time and tremendous amounts of patience. As life continues on, and the days feel shorter and shorter, I understand how people start to lose their patience with the people they love. Trust me, I’m very impatient myself.

But Jason has taught me, that not everything happens in one day.

The prettiest butterflies in the world, started as caterpillars – and just like butterflies, a relationship needs time to grow too.

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Do you want to know what’s a great test for patience???

Remember waiting for you partner to arrive as he is late for your dinner reservation… or waiting for him to come home so you can start your favorite Netflix shows… or waiting for him to text you back… or waiting for him decide on whether or not pasta for dinner is better than pizza. Remember, how patient you were in these situations because you knew how important these little things are to your relationship???

No matter what happened, even if your partner was running late, you still waited… and you never gave in and watched that Netflix show alone… (I mean you could had – but keep it hush hush 😂). That’s patience.

All of these…. are tests of patience… at the simplest kind. But to build onto this, consider how it feels when a promise is broken, or a simple favor was not completed… like you asking your partner to clean the washroom before you get home, but that task was still untouched by the time you got home, or even asking your partner to pick up some pads from the grocery store on his way home, but he somehow forgot… when promises are broken and effort is lacking, it can be pretty frustrating at certain times.

But you must remember: “BE PATIENT”.

Before you boil up and lose your shit – ask yourself: is this really worth fighting over with??? Maybe he had a bad day too??? Maybe he’s just as tired as you??? Maybe he did try to buy those pads, but the store ran out of pads???

Always ask, before acting out. (A lesson I need to apply for myself too)

“If your anger can be fixed in 30 minutes, why let it stay for long?”

Sometimes, it’s smarter to evaluate whether or not, a little forgotten task, or a little misunderstanding is worth a giant fight. Is it worth 30 minutes of anger??? Or can I use the 30 minutes of being angry to talk and figure out what went wrong???

Instead of fighting and arguing about it, use that time to figure it out… This is where patience really, really, really kicks in.

It takes a lot of patience to control your anger and act maturely… and sometimes, the best way to execute it, is to evaluate whether or not the fight is worth it to begin with. For the most part, everyday petty fights are not worth calling your friends over for wine night to vent out your frustrations, or yelling hysterically at your partner, or even calling the relationship “OVER” (don’t be that dramatic – note to self 😂😂😂).  Just learn to be patient and your relationship will reward you 100 times more. original.gif

TRUST

Above all things, learn how to trust.

For a lot of  people, trusting someone is super-super-super hard. Take me for example, I had been so hurt by some cheating asshole before, that trusting people to not hurt me again is literally super hard. The word “trust” just means so much to me, and I protect that word so much, that when I give it to you, you better protect that shit with your life.

Before Jason, learning how to trust other people was like learning how to fly – it was almost impossible and unattainable. Yet here we are – Jason Yang managed to bring out my wings, and now I’m soaring so high, I’m never going to fall again.

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For the most part, I still find it hard to trust Jason – especially when other females are involved.

But then again, I have to keep reminding myself that TRUST is the most important part of an effective and lasting relationship.

At times wherein you feel like your trust is missing or if you don’t want to give your trust away, JUST REMEMBER THIS:

“If he fucks up on you, that’s his loss sis. A true beauty like yourself, should never have time to entertain anything less than real”

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Even though it can be super difficult to trust someone, just believe me when I say, “give your trust to them now, and if they lose it, just cut them out forever”. This is the life motto that will get you places, believe me.

At the end of the day, any solid relationship will need a strong basis of trust. For a couple to last long, both partners need to try to protect and solidify their trust towards the relationship as a whole – not just on an individual level, but more towards trusting that the relationship you two have, have the capacity to sustain all trivial times and overcome any storms because the trust you two have on each other is built from pure gold.

HUMILITY, PATIENCE & TRUST: are all a relationship needs to succeed. These are the Holy Trinity of any relationship. Master these, and I’m sure that relationship will conquer and last for many, many, many years to come.

How to respond to

With love,

Mary Dezleigh Teodosio

“Slow Down” They Said…

July 19, 2017

Dear Readers,

Have you ever been so attracted to someone that his/her energy just pulls you in each day? Have you ever been so invested in someone that you find yourself wanting more? Have you ever been so fascinated by someone’s character that his/her aura just draws you in each day? Have you ever been so thrilled by someone that their presence alone gives you heebiejeebies? 

I have.

After many days of pondering about this post, and all the negative connotations that will come along with it, I’ve finally decided to just write it… so here it goes.

People in my life keeps warning me to “slow down” and to “take my time” with my new relationship. I appreciate the cautious reminder to be careful, however I know myself all too well by now. I fall fast and hard, and my heart is a fragile piece that enjoys the thrill of a new relationship. I’m the type of person who will give my all for the one who deserves my soul… I’m either all in or not at all. So for those people who keeps reminding me to “slow down”, “take it easy”, and to “protect yourself” – I appreciate the warning… but I think the words “taking it slow” are just not in my heart’s relationship vocabulary.

Surely, if Jason decides to break my heart again, I guarantee my whole blog will explode with more heartbreaking stories all over again. If Jason breaks my heart, at least another great blogpost will rise out of it. (Calm down guys, I’m being sarcastic)

All jokes aside, I entirely trust him. He’s truly someone who I can connect with in all aspects. Jason and I have the same vision and we both want the same things in life. I think that our shared desire to grow as individuals is what strengthens our connection in each other. For example, his desire to be an accountant is appealing to me, as it is the same goal I have for myself. His desire to travel the world draws me in, as it is a dream I share with him. His desire to have a family in the future pleases me, as it is also a purpose in life I strive towards. Essentially, we’re too alike to end up the wrong way. We want to grow as a unit instead of two separate entities… and that is why we fit so well together.

Our desire to grow together is what makes our relationship healthy. We’re not limiting each other’s dreams or limiting each other’s potential. Instead, we push each other for the best… to reach the capacity of each individual’s potential and to strive towards the same goals. For example, Jason supports my passion and dedication towards this blog as much as I support his passion to play basketball. He pushes me to do well in my current online class, as much as I encourage him to stay on track in school. He wants to become a CPA (Chartered Professional Accountant) as much as I do. He wants to discover the world as much as I do. He wants to have a family as much as I do. I can go on and on and on about all our shared attributes, desires, and goals that the list can stretch for miles.

SO WHY LIMIT THE POTENTIAL WE POSSESS? 

I’ll admit, the pace Jason and I are going through is quite fast. Most of my family and friends had already warned me about the excessive amount of time I’ve been giving into this new relationship… however, I don’t see anything wrong with it. Isn’t the point of being in a relationship is to commit to someone and to spend your time with them? I’ve already learned from my past not to invest too much of myself and believe me, I understand the importance of finding the balance to make yourself, your friends, your family and your partner happy. I haven’t lost myself yet… and you better believe I won’t lose track of the people I held dear before Jason came into the picture. This relationship is nothing like my past was and comparing my current relationship to that from my past is almost disrespectful. In my opinion, I believe that this pace suits US and that’s all that matters to me.

For those who are genuinely concerned (my mom and friends) about my heart moving too fast… don’t worry… I already know that my relationship is moving too fast. But believe me, Jason is the safest person to fall fast for. Even though we’ve only known each other for 2 months, it truly feels like him and I had known each other for much longer. He knows me a little more than my own family does. He knows me a little more than most of my oldest friends does. He just knows me too well, and I know him well enough to understand he’s not the type who “fucks around”… he’s too grown for that and I’m too grown to be wasting more of my time on irrelevant people. Most importantly, I will not lose myself in this relationship, in fact I can only see myself growing more.

So to answer all the concerns about my current relationship… YES, I am in love with Jason and NO – I think we’re not moving too fast at all. AND IF WE ARE MOVING FAST… I really don’t mind the ride. I’m in it 100% for the worst and best of it. If I fall again, I’ll take the failure as another lesson. If I hurt myself again, I know the pain will only make me stronger… and IF WE LAST, then it will prove to all that I made the right choice.

Don’t prove me wrong baby, the contents of my blog is partially under your control too… and you already know that my blog is the story of my life… so make it great!

With love,

Mary Dezleigh Teodosio.

Stampede 2017 - "Fireworks and a Kiss"
Stampede 2017 – “Fireworks and a Kiss”

 

I’m Finally Ready – Meet My Boyfriend

July 11, 2017

Dear Readers,

After my first heartbreak (find out more here: Broken: October 30, 2016) my whole view on relationships completely changed. At some point, I even considered being single for the rest of my life. I even considered moving to a new city just to be isolated away from all the familiar faces in my life. My last breakup destroyed my ability to trust, and to love someone else greater than myself… or I once thought so. All of my doubts, frustrations, and anger in love changed when a 6 foot 1 gent came into my life.

Meet my boyfriend, Jason Yang!

We began as a pair who just wanted to be in each other’s company for the summer. Originally, we were introduced by my friend Gen during one of my drunken-party nights, and we began to text soon after. I first met Jason through a delightful afternoon of eating ice cream. We arranged to casually go out for ice cream at a Menchies nearby. Jason and I both live in the northwest area of Calgary, making it convenient for us to go to a nearby strip mall wherein Menchies is located. Our day began as soon as he picked me up in his red modified Genesis Coupe.

I’ll never forget how he made me feel that day… I felt so lost in our conversation and just blissfully in awe of how well I can connect, relate, and adore a complete stranger. My simple 3 hour ice cream grub with someone whom I barely knew, was turning into a complex 3 hour ice cream grub with someone I was meant to know. Nearing the time for us to go home, I felt robbed of time and I wanted the day to keep on going. After our ice cream grub, I wanted to get to know Jason more and I knew I really, really, really, liked him.

This summer, I never expected us to become a couple.

I’ve been very vocal in expressing my desire to remain single for the duration of summer. But, the best things in life often happens unexpectedly. For the next weeks after our meeting at Menchies, Jason and I became inseparable. We enjoyed each other’s company a little too much and we didn’t want to waste a perfectly fine summer alone. We wanted to create a summer we both will never forget. At first, we gave each other until the end of summer to determine if we were going to last more than just a summer fling. Astonishingly, we turned out to be more than just a season’s worth of romance. As we developed more and more of a strong liking and fascination in each other, it was getting obvious that Jason was ready to make us official… he was ready to turn our status into a “boyfriend-girlfriend” level… he was ready to commit into a fruitful relationship with me.

But I was scared.

I thought I wasn’t ready and I selfishly wanted the summer to be single…. but deep down, I knew I wanted to become his girlfriend eventually. I just wanted to take things slow and to assure myself that I wasn’t rushing into another temporary relationship fix. I didn’t want to hurt myself let alone hurt him, so I asked him to wait for me. Due to my selfish desire of independence, I bluntly told Jason that I’m not quite ready for a relationship. I asked Jason to give me the summer to understand myself better. I asked Jason to wait… and he did exactly that.

He waited until I finally told him, “baby, I’m ready”

Soon after I gave him my word, a few weeks later I found myself on the 12th floor of Sheraton Suites Calgary Eau Claire. It was a fairytale proposal. I had never been surprised in my life until that day. I’m not going to dive too much into this, because I want to dedicate a full “story time” video and blog about how he asked me to be his girlfriend… because the story will melt each girl’s heart, and make each woman crave for one like it.

I want to redirect this post to him.

Yes, at some point I didn’t want to be committed this summer. Yes, I was having fun partying each weekend, doing “my own thing”, acting carefree…. but NO – Not once did I think him and I would just remain as “friends with benefits” or a “summer fling”, I knew we would eventually turn into something more. It was all a matter of time to determine when we would become officially entitled and exclusive to each other. On June 25th, 2017, Mr. Jason Yang dropped on his knees and asked me, “will you be my girlfriend?”

I said, “YES!”

Now, I’m locked into a blossoming relationship with a man whose heart is pure gold. Jason treats me like a princess… literally. His smile cures my sorrows. His voice calms my storm. His touch soothes my pain and his eyes sees my soul. All the heartache I once felt is so worth it! If I had to endure that heartbreak again in order to receive Jason as my reward for all the agony, I would repeat that heartbreak process over, and over, and over again. This is the kind of love I’ve been dreaming of for many years. I’m finally ready to allow someone in. I’m finally ready to love someone greater than I ever had before… because I know this man will love me even more.

We’re just two trolls who finally became as one. 

With love,

Mary Dezleigh Teodosio.

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