Allow Yourself to Fall in Love Again

July 4, 2017

Dear Readers,

The ones who had been scarred by love, their trust is not easy to earn. The ones who had been destroyed by love, they’re the ones whose hearts are cold yet beautiful all at once. It’s not easy to forget about the pain of a past breakup, and for the most part that pain affects any relationships you may have at present. The pain reminds you of how beautiful love can be and how awful it can end. Unfortunately, the pain may also prevent you from committing too hard or giving all your love away to any of your future or current relationships. Deep inside the broken, there is a fear of love and that is why the ones who had been broken before have a colder heart than most.

Nothing is more haunting than being betrayed by love. Nothing is more painful than heartbreak. 

Within each wounded heart, there is this lingering hesitation of committing and falling in love. No one wants to fall in love again just to end up being broken like their past. Due to the fear of getting hurt, we tend to build walls to protect ourselves from the pain. Some, may build walls just enough to let others in, while some will build walls too high that will make it nearly impossible for anyone to enter. This behaviour is determined by how much pain a person suffered after a breakup. The ones who built low walls suffered minimal pain, while the ones who built the highest walls suffered the most pain. Regardless of how much pain one suffered, any pain of love is still an excruciating pain. This pain will live deep within each brokenhearted soul and this will remind them not to fall too fast or to fall too much. 

Each relationship we invest ourselves in will have the potential of becoming our “forever”, while some will become a life lesson. Unsuccessful relationships will strengthen us, but it will also change the way we love. As a person, we will learn to protect ourselves because of our fear of getting hurt again. At the same time, our past relationships will also teach us how to be a better partner and lover. After going through a rough history with love, a beautiful mix of fear and desire will sprout within your heart. Fear of being in love and the desire of being loved once again. This unexplainable mix of emotions varies for each individual. Some will want to find love again as soon as possible to replace the pain. Some will want to avoid love as much as possible in order to protect themselves from suffering pain again. Some will be right in between.

You will never love like your old love was, you will only love better for the next. 

To the ones who will purposefully avoid being in love, they’re the ones who suffered the most heartache. Thus, their hearts had grown too cold and unwelcoming. I believe that those cold hearts still possess the potential of loving once again. It will be difficult to give warmth to a frozen heart…. but once the right individual comes along, the ice on the surface will slowly begin to melt. All you need to do is to wait for the right one and allow yourself to fall in love once again. Someday, the right person will make every heartache you suffered worthwhile.

In my personal experience, I had gone through a dark and miserable heartbreak once. This blog was created due to that awful experience. I started to share my heartbreak as a public display of my anger on love. At some point, I was consumed more of hatred than love. At some point my heart was so cold, it was infeasible to find warmth. However, deep down within me, regardless of how broken my soul was I still believed that someone out there will be deserving of my love. I knew I will fall in love again. I knew I had the potential of loving someone unconditionally just like that person would reciprocate my love. There may be fears of getting hurt still existing within me, but I know for certain that I must try to let someone in once more. I know for certain that my fear should not affect my happiness. I needed to allow myself to find someone with the potential of becoming my “forever”. I needed to let someone in.

I had my own share of fears of falling in love again, but those fears were not enough to deny someone in…

Today, I am more than happy to announce that on June 25th, 2017 I finally allowed a new person into my heart. Dear Readers, there is an amazing man behind my soul’s warmth and joy. He’s exceptional and he has earned a special place in my heart. He’s the reason why my heart is as warm as it could ever be this summer. I can’t wait to share more of our growing relationship with you all!!!

With love,

Mary Dezleigh Teodosio.

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The Perfect Man Does Not Exist – My List Keeps Failing Me and My EX BAES

May 18, 2017

Dear Readers,

Ideally, we should all have a catered checklist which consists of qualities, traits, and other requirements we are searching for in a mate. I for one, have a long list of what I want from my next partner. This detailed “checklist” is partially to blame of why my last 3 potential “bae” (slang meaning of: stands for “before anything else”. BAE is someone you care for, admire and/or love) had failed and had been cut from the “boyfriend selection list”.

You see, my list is not that long. However, my list is very, very, very specific. There are 10 core things I had written on my checklist:

1.) Tall – Height must be at least 5’9 – anything taller is strongly desired.

2.) Age and Level of Maturity – Personally, I will not date someone younger than me by over a year – I may however, consider dating someone within a year younger, if his maturity level is a up to par of my expectations. This checklist entry, is driven from my strong attraction to men who are mature enough for a long-term relationship. I am so done affiliating myself with “fuckboys” (slang meaning of: a male who is notoriously known for breaking hearts and sleeping with multiple females. A fuckboy is also someone whose phone password you will never ever know… God forbid, no one must ever know how many DM’s he has slid into OR how many girls he’s currently texting and calling his “bae”).

3.) Stability – In terms of emotional stability, I want a man who knows what he wants, strives for what he wants, and secures what he wants. I don’t have time to be wasting it on unqualified, emotionally unstable boys, I need a man with emotional stability!!!!

4.) Career Oriented – Please, be someone who have a dream and a goal to achieve!! I want my future partner to have a passion in his chosen career. PLUS: I need a man who can financially provide for OUR future family. (WAKE UP LADIES!!! This is real life, stop wasting your time with bums if you’re a woman with a future).

5.) Personality – I need a man who has flavour. To my gents reading this, learn how to be a communicator. Have some humour, be interesting, talk more, tell me stories, let me know about your hobbies, tell me about your mom or your siblings… Seriously, just do something to keep me interested in you. HAVE SOME CHARACTER IN YOU, PLEASE.

6.) Asian (or at least have a strong sense and understanding of the Asian culture) – Having the ability to share my culture with my mate is truly a requirement for me. He must be able to accept and live with my traditions and values, which is why I strongly prefer to date someone from an Asian descent OR date someone who is informed and accepting of my Asian-Filipino culture.

7.) Style – This is a requirement that overshadows the “Tall” requirement. If you’re a short man, but have a great sense of style, I’m willing to drop the height requirement just for that. I like men who have a great sense of style, because I for one like to believe that I am fashionable individual. Preferably, I like men who dress as a unique mixture of hypebeast, hipster, and classy all at once. If you want an example, search up “Brian Puspos” in Instagram (he’s my definition of style bae).

8.) Family Man – My family is an essential part of my life. Therefore, I expect my next bae to be family oriented too.

9.) Loyal – I’ve been cheated on before, and I don’t plan on getting cheated on again. BUT – how can you predict the future and what it entails? How can you tell if the person you’re currently dating is loyal or not? EASY ANSWER: Dive into his past and figure out if he has ever cheated or not. I’m a strong believer that a man who has cheated before, is likely to cheat once again. Also, you can test his loyalty further down the relationship… but until then, looking back into his past is a great start.

10.) Sex Game is Strong – Pretty self-explanatory.

After reading this list, I can finally tell you about the past 3 EX baes I had spent time with from the past few months. These men were amazing in their own rights, but I still deemed them to be not good enough as a partner for me. I felt some connection within these 3 EX baes, but the connection was not enough to satisfy my list. Let me tell you about them real quick and tell you why they were quickly removed off the boyfriend selection list.

BAE 1:

He was the rebound whom “ghosted” (slang meaning of: ignoring someone and randomly disappearing without a trace after all the invested time spent talking to each other) me after all the shady circumstances I put him through. To be honest, he wasn’t much of a loss because he didn’t meet number 1, 2, 3, and 5 in my checklist. This discouraged me from wanting more from him, regardless of what “connection” I was feeling for him at the time. BAE 1 used to be a friend of my ex, who clearly crossed the “bro code” – if such thing still exists in today’s generation. After my ex and I broke up, I used him as a mean to forget and quickly recover from my loss, he became my rebound. At some point, I did consider him as a potential partner and more than just a rebound. He had some checklist material in him, he definitely had number 10 going on… But STILL… the list prevented me from being “good” to him. I didn’t see any strong potential of a long term relationship, which is why I didn’t try hard enough to keep him in my life. So, I deliberately exposed him to his “friend” (my ex) without any deep hesitation or thought into it. Hence, why he ghosted me. #savage

BAE 2:

He is the perfect friend in all aspects, and I truly thought we would become something more than just friends. But then again, like BAE 1 he also failed to meet some items in my lists. For one, he failed to meet number 6 which was an instant turn off for me. Another aspect that bothered me was how his personality just doesn’t click with mine. His interests and hobbies were completely different from mine. So, as much as he had his own character, the 5th item on the list was quite not there for me. BAE 2 also needed to improve on his style game, thus checklist number 7 wasn’t quite there as well. However, he had amazing qualities too!!! He truly has 2, 3, 4, 8, and 9 on lock. Regardless, I had deemed after referring back to my list that we are better off as friends.

BAE 3:

Oh man, this guy is my definition of attractive. BAE 3 definitely has number 1, 5, 7, and 8, on lock. But then again, there are some complications going on with him too… How can one be so physically attractive yet lack stability and loyalty? I shouldn’t let his past define him, but he is a true fuckboy and I don’t have time to be wasting it on a fuckboy. So, with that, he’s also off the boyfriend selection list.

To my avid readers wondering, what happened to American BAE?

Well, he’s still around and we are still talking… I don’t want to give out too much information about this particular “relationship” because we’re currently doing just fine as we are. I don’t want to jinx and ruin something that has the potential of becoming great.

IN ALL

I learned that I still need to keep searching for my “perfect man”. My friend once told me that there is no such thing as a perfect man, and I agree with her. You see, I understand that we all are imperfect and we all have flaws. But the point of having this list is to select a handful of qualities and characteristics you truly want from your partner, which can hopefully outweigh all the other flaws. If this list was meant for me to find the perfect man, there should be more items on it than just the 10 points I had listed. If this list was aimed at finding the perfect man, I should have 200 more items in the list… but no… It’s not about finding the perfect man, it’s more about finding the one man worth accepting all his other flaws for. This list exists as a guide to remind me of what I want, and what I need. Until then, if I can’t find a person who fits this list every other man will just feel subpar and inadequate.

So… with this in mind, I hope you keep searching lovelies… keep believing that your soulmate is out there somewhere and that he/she is searching for you too.

With love,

Mary Dezleigh Teodosio.