The Key to Having a Positive Mind

Dear Readers,

In life, we will have many encounters of feeling down and low. Often than most, we truly need to strengthen our mental outlook of life. In times wherein it gets tougher to be positive, one must always remember that being a negative person does not lead towards anything great. Positivity is the answer to attracting the right people and the right opportunities. A positive mind can generate ideas like none other. A positive mind can empower one towards achieving set goals and dreams. The power of having a positive mind is the strongest superweapon of all.

The topic of keeping a positive mind is so important to me. As I recently shared, I’m going through some trivial moments, as well as transitioning into another chapter of my life (a.k.a being an adult). All of these mixed emotions can create a spur of joy with a sudden burst of fear. Thus, there are times wherein I find myself attracting negative thoughts and negative vibes. Personally, negativity is one giant word and idea I try to avoid at all costs. Negativity has this toll on me, once I let it in, even for a second, my mind’s regular and healthy flow is disrupted. I don’t fear negativity, what I fear the most is losing my positive nature because of it.

Not only do I have to overcome the lurking cancer scare around my family members (see previous post), I also have to overcome my own struggles. As a recent graduate with a degree, I’m facing the common struggles of many post-grads. These concerning issues includes:

-Student loans

-Debt

-Job prospects & security

-Financial capabilities

 

And many, many, many more. The list can go on for days if I wanted to. 

Despite my own share of stress and struggles, I’m forcing myself to maintain my inner positivity and clear state of mind. I want my objectives to remain clear and my focus intact. Throughout the years, I’ve realized that surrounding myself with negativity truly leads to no good. This quote I found online summarizes it all:

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The only thing that negativity has ever brought upon my life is doubt. A positive person knows full well that negative people will use their own doubts to pull them down. A positive person also understands that negativity creates doubt, which leads to fear. To be truly in control of a positive mind, one must understand the power of choice.

Each positive person must understand that they have the power to control their own minds. The freedom to force yourself to believe in the positive sides of life is truly liberating. A positive mind is an optimistic one, that views everything in its good light regardless of all the darkness surrounding it. A positive mind understands the power of training the mind to choose positive thoughts and thinking, rather than its opposite.

For each scenario, there will always be a positive and negative point of views. You see, the balance of life includes both positive and negative aspects. For example, Chinese philosophy highly describes life’s balance through the yin and yang. As famously known, yin and yang explains contradicting opposites as a way to achieve a balance. The circle symbol of a white pole and black pole signifies harmony. Without each opposite, achieving harmony and balance will be difficult. (Jason should really teach me more Chinese – their culture is quite fascinating!)

Now let’s use yin and yang in our positive minds versus negative minds analogy. Here’s an example for you to consider: A recent university graduate.

From our example above there are two possible ways of thinking about this:

1.) A positive mind will view this greatly because a degree means higher education; a higher education means greater opportunities.

2.) A negative mind will view this sadistically, by thinking about the student’s loans and debts.

What if we expand on our example. Now, consider this: A recent university graduate has no debt due to financial awards. 

Again, there are two possible ways of thinking about this:

1.) A positive mind will view this greatly because a degree means higher education; a higher education means greater opportunities. Given that the student has no debt, all his/her future salary can be saved for future goals e.i. a house, a car etc.

2.) A negative mind will view this sadistically, even though the student has no accumulated loans. A negative mind will then start to doubt the student’s career options given the competitive nature of the world.

Again, let’s further expand on our example. Consider this: A recent university graduate has no debt due to financial awards. After graduation, the student fails to find a job. 

The corresponding ways of thinking about this:

1.) A positive mind will view this greatly because a degree means higher education; a higher education means greater opportunities. Given that the student has no debt, all his/her future salary can be saved for future goals e.i. a house, a car etc. Since the new grad can’t find a position just yet, truly in the near future the perfect opportunity and window will come!

2.) A negative mind will view this sadistically, even though the student has no accumulated loans. A negative mind will then start to be a pessimist about the student’s unemployment given the competitive nature of the world. On top of that, the negative mind will be pleased to know that the student is currently unemployed. The negative mind will continue to doubt.

I think you all get the idea. 

The positive mind always focuses on the good things, while the negative mind always lingers around doubt. It’s the yin and yang of life. If there is light, there is also dark. But the best way to live, is by choosing to live in the light while understanding that the darkness exists. For each possible ways of thinking, the positive mind is always optimistic, hopeful, and joyful. On the contrary, the negative mind is always pessimistic, doubtful, and envious. It’s seriously like choosing to be either white and pure OR black and shady. But, be rest assured, in all scenarios of life you have the ability and option to pick and control your state of mind. Your choice of either having a positive mind or a negative mind, is purely under your control.

Choose to be positive.

Choose positivity.

Choose a positive mind.

Because by having a positive mind can take you places you’ve always dreamed of.

With love,

Mary Dezleigh Teodosio

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CANCER

Dear Readers,

In light of being a positive individual, it is often difficult to remain positive when the threat of cancer killing the ones you love lingers too close to home. I have two family members who are currently fighting cancer.

This post is for them. Out of respect for those I love, I refuse to share who in my family are fighting cancer. Those closest to me, already know.

Our first family member was diagnosed with breast cancer about a few years back. She was able to defeat cancer for a short time by removing both her breasts. Roughly 5 months ago, the cancer has reappeared. Unfortunately, the cancer has spread through her back and are active once again. She’s currently going through chemotherapy and radiation.

Our second family member is a recent breast cancer victim. She discovered her breast cancer when she felt an unusual bump in her breast. After visiting the doctor about it and getting tested, we found out that the bump was due to cancer. Thankfully, she was able to catch it at the cancer’s early stages. Right now, she is following all the procedures to eliminate the cancer cells, which includes chemo, radiation, and rest.

I wanted to share this post in my admiration for these two women. 

They are so strong. Regardless of their current life battle, they somehow maintain a positive and uplifting state of mind that truly inspires me. For the countless times I’ve been spending with these two women, not once had I seen them cry. Although, they’re not in their best physical condition, these women refuse to show weakness. They carry out their daily routines such as driving, household chores, and regular exercise, like the cancer doesn’t even exist. Best of all, they both still have the brightest smile in the world. Their inner strength to continue on with life the best they can given their circumstances is remarkable. Both women carry this “push through and carry on” attitude that I idolize the most.

What I admire more than their strength, is their ability to remain hopeful.

There are plenty of times in life wherein it seems like hope is lost. Yet, despite all the struggles and bumps that life throws at these two women, they still manage to remain hopeful… hopeful that things will get better…. hopeful that this is only a temporary storm and that sunny days are coming soon… hopeful that everything that withers, turn into something beautiful.

Cancer affects not only the victims, but their families too. In my story, cancer is a burden to every single member of our family. At some point, the cancer shattered us more than it did to the victims. There is not a single person in this world who wants to see their loved ones suffer… unfortunately, we have to. I can’t even begin to tell you how many nights I’ve had of just laying in bed and crying endlessly, because the pain of seeing them hurt is too unbearable. The fear of losing someone dear to you is a losing battle that you must overcome regardless. Being stronger for the ones you love is the biggest lesson I’ve learned so far. I didn’t want to show weakness around my family members with cancer, simply because I knew they’re fighting with their inner selves too. I wanted them to focus on healing and being strong for themselves, and I knew that showing signs of weakness around these two women would break their hearts even more. Strong women uplifts other strong women – this is a lesson for all.

Despite the negative impact that cancer causes families and friends, it also has a strong pulling factor that brings forth togetherness.

THERE IS HOPE AND THERE IS LOVE.  

When a family or individual is being at threat of losing their lives, that’s when hope comes into fruition. At the darkest and most difficult times in our lives, it is often hope that keeps us afloat. Hope is the reason why we believe. Hope is the reason why we remain positive. Hope is the reason why we continue on living. Hope gives us a ray of light to look for, when everything around us has gone dark.

There is also love. During these trivial moments of cancer attacking our homes and lives, the love we have for each other has been tested and proven. Cancer will truly test your character and the amount of love you possess. For when times got really fucking rough, our love for each other was the only reason that pushed us forward. Our love enabled us to support one another, to encourage positivity, to uplift the other, and to believe in miracles. The love we have, was strengthened by cancer. Love brought distant families and distant relatives closer. Love called distant friends for immediate affection. Love gave us all the comfort to know that this fight against a common enemy will result in victory.

This is just another chapter in their lives. A chapter that is not the most favoured by all, yet an important one to live through. Cancer affects many families other than mine. Cancer is society’s biggest foe. Of all the amazing cancer survival stories out there, I’m sure the women in my life will have their own too. I believe they will be cured. I believe that the dark days are soon to be over. My family believes in it too.

Together, my family will stand stronger. Together, we’ll get through this chapter.

AN IMPORTANT REMINDER TO ALL:

Cancer is no joke. Which is why I was determined to get tested and screened for the status of my health. To all my readers, please go visit your family doctor for a physical check-up!!!

I recently got a physical test to examine my own health condition, and that physical included a PAP TEST. My first PAP TEST was quite a unique experience! To my younger female readers who still hasn’t had their PAP TEST done, please make sure you take this test once you turn 21 years old! After your first one, please continue on getting your physical checks yearly, and getting your PAP TEST once every 3 years.

What is the PAP TEST? 

Read the link here for more info: PAP TEST

In other words, a PAP TEST checks your cervix for any abnormalities… it’s a test that screens for cancer conditions and/or infections. The process is quite shocking to women who may not had sexual intercourse yet. For those who are sexually active, it shouldn’t be a painful test at all. What they do during the test, is they insert this tube like device inside your vagina and then the doctor swabs inside your vagina to collect samples of your cells. PAP TESTS are very uncomfortable, and I highly recommend doing this process with your trusted family doctor.

In all, I want everyone to know that the cancer battle within my family is very personal for me. This part of my story took some deep thinking and courage to share. To the millions of families like mine, who are currently in war against cancer, I want you all to know I’m with you on this fight. I will pray for yours, as I hope you pray for mine.

With love,

Mary Dezleigh Teodosio

Don’t Doubt Yourself – The E.B.T Notion

June 26, 2017

Dear Readers,

We all have fears; Fear of our dreams, fear of our future, fear of losing people, fear of the uncertainties, fear of death, fear of living life, and many, many more fears. The list of fears can never be stopped. But your state of mind and how you handle these fears can be changed. Lately, I’ve been coming to terms with my own fears too. For the most part, my fears are derived from the fears of others. But, what does that mean? 

In my family, failure is never an option. In fact, this belief is not only persistent in my family but it also exists in other families all over the world. For those of you who may not know me well, I come from a strong Filipino home. My parents being Filipinos had implanted in my head to attain my life goals through being competitive academically, socially, artistically, and/or physically. To be the best, according to my culture one must be one of the 3 things: educated, beautiful, OR talented (Let’s call this the E.B.T notion). If you lack attributes in any of these 3 categories your life is deemed for failure, while having all 3 suggests your life will be better than most. 

I say “FUCK THAT” to the E.B.T notion.

This notion is insanely absurd because it places a limit on an individual. What bothers me the most is how this concept ranks an individual according to their mental capacity, physical appearance, and inborn gifts. Why are we categorized according to the E.B.T notion? How does this lead towards our own self-fulfillment and dreams? I absolutely hate this notion because it implies failure IS AN OPTION IF YOU’RE NOT EDUCATED, BEAUTIFUL OR TALENTED. Instead of influencing a child to be a dreamer, and to believe in his/her own capacity we turn to the E.B.T notion to promote more fears and doubts. We instill the idea of “you’re not good enough” instead of promoting “you can do it”. We tend to emphasize more on the failure rather than the possibility of success. This idea gives birth to fears and doubts in our youths solely because it underlines that if you’re not smart, attractive or talented, then what else can you possibly offer. This notion develops doubts within our youths to the highest extent.

Frustrating. This whole notion in itself is out of shape. I understand that old habits never dies, such as old beliefs never fades. I understand the importance of education, but do we really need a million lawyers, doctors, scientists and businessmen? Being beautiful is a gift, but is beauty really the same in everyone’s eyes? For the women who were not born with a pretty face, does that ultimately mean we are obligated to surgical enhancements in order to be deemed as beautiful? Just like beauty, being talented is also an individual gift. But when we say “talent“, why do we automatically assume that the realms of being “talented” are only defined within musical, artistic, and athletic gifts.

There is so much more to life than just this.

The pressures we place upon the younger generation is too much. We expect too much from our young people, when we ourselves do not possess the ability to meet all these expectations. Due to our high expectations from our own failures, we force our youths to be better than US and the mistakes (or lack thereof) we made. For some, these expectations are influenced by unrealized dreams and goals that were never accomplished. Some, retains the E.B.T notion as mere tradition as it was something implied upon their lives in so they must do the same to their children. Regardless of the reasoning why high expectations exists, for the most part offsprings are often obligated to carry on their parents’ unrealized dreams. The children are expected to be better than the failures of their parents… and to be the next best thing.

This is unfair.

What we want from the younger generations may not exactly be what they want for themselves. We all have different gauges of success. For instance, some may define success through monetary achievements and material possessions. Some may define success through scholastics and knowledge. Some may define success by family intactness and strong friendships. Some will find success in pure solitude. For someone to determine the meaning of success in your life is truly limiting and insufferable. As we age, we will value things differently… some will value wealth more than family, education more than beauty, or talent over hard work. It should be your right as an individual to characterize your own life and develop your own values… it should be your freedom to decide what is truly important for your own good and happiness. For someone to imply the means of “how to live and how to have a good life” in your own life, is not acceptable at all.

You must break-free and follow your heart.

Life will always present fears and doubts in your head. The constant trouble of doubts will never leave your side, and even the most accomplished people have their own doubts too. For instance, let’s consider the situation of new university graduates. Yes, the new grads had definitely fulfilled one of the E.B.T requirements. But does that mean they’re ultimately on their way to a “happy-ever-after“? This question is so difficult to answer, because success and happiness varies for everyone. Some grads will find life fulfillment through knowledge and accomplishing a higher level of education. Some will not find any worth to this accomplishment until they find a job in which they can start acquiring monetary and career fulfillment. To some, this level of education may not be purposeful at all… to them, university education may just be a symbolic piece of paper in which they spent 4 years or more of their life achieving. Regardless of how you value your education, at the end of the day your happiness should only be characterized by you. Let’s keep expanding on this idea… shall we?

To those who value education, their definition of success is shaped by completing their university degree. To those who value money, their degrees is just another stepping stone towards their own definition of success. Lastly, to those who value education the least, their degree may just be a symbol of accomplishment that their families expected from them. That’s not all of it, here’s what triggers me the most…. what about the ones who will never find fulfillment in education… will they find fulfillment too?

If you think about, education is just one aspect of the E.B.T notion. Unfortunately, not everyone will satisfy each category of the E.B.T or to the extremely “unlucky” ones, they will never satisfy the E.B.T notion at all. Will these “unlucky” ones find fulfillment as well?

The answer is: YES.

IT DOES NOT MATTER IF YOU FALL WITHIN THE E.B.T NOTION OR NOT, BECAUSE YOUR HAPPINESS IS BASED ON YOUR OWN AND HOW YOU DEFINED IT FOR YOURSELF.

If living a simple life means the world to you, then go ahead and pursue it. If you want to dance for a living for the rest of your years, then dance your heart away. If you want to become the next Donald Trump and make billions, then go ahead and hustle hard. Don’t doubt yourself just because others have doubts in you. Don’t trap yourself within the false boundaries that other people had created to limit your life. The doubts we have exists within the confines of this imaginary boundary that many doubters had created upon us. These doubters will always doubt you, and you must not let their negativity impact your life. Once you start doubting yourself, then that’s when you truly become a failure.

It doesn’t matter how, when and/or where you’ll find your happiness and self-fulfillment. Life is a journey… and through this journey you will understand more and more of yourself. Life will scare us all. We will find ourselves feeling lost at some point… and our doubts will haunt us from time to time. But the key to overcoming these doubts in our heads is simple: you need to believe in yourself and understand that you control your own life. Never let anyone else dictate your life for you… because once you start listening to the doubters, you will be become one too. A failure’s biggest mistake is doubting their own self.

Don’t doubt yourself. You can fucking do it.

With love,

Mary Dezleigh Teodosio.

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