Minor Changes to My Blog – UPDATES TOO!

July 15, 2017

Dear Readers,

I’d like to point out some minor changes I made in my blog. The past few days, I had been going back and forth into my older posts and editing each one of them. In particular, the posts that I retouched are the ones I took from my old Tumblr page. Back then, I would post my material out of passion and eagerness to share it with you all… meaning that I wasn’t really proofreading any of my older work. In addition, most of my original Tumblr posts are all too emotionally difficult for me to bare… therefore I wasn’t always prepared to proofread those contents due to my fear of reliving the emotions I was feeling at that time. Now, I am emotionally back on track and I finally had the time to fix most of them. Thank you for reading my older, “ESL” verified posts (English is their [my] Second Language a.k.a ME).

THANKFUL

This blog is dedicated to all my readers who solely believe that true love still exists. I am sharing my own experiences in my own relationships. I created this blog with the intent of journalizing the lessons I learned and the dreams I hold dear in life. I have so much vision moving forward with this blog and at times I get lost in figuring where I should begin. This blog is now a part of me… my stories are the most genuine aspect of my being… my life is laid out for the world to discover… and my readers are the reasons why I keep going.

Thank you, for reading even though my grammar is not always the best. Thank you, for always being there for each post. Thank you, for growing with me. Thank you, for all the support and kind thoughts!

WHERE’S YOUR NEW CONTENT DEZZZZ?!

Essentially, I want to explain why I haven’t been posting as much as I was in April and May. This happens to me every single time I get into a relationship. I tend to lose track of time and everything around me whenever I get too involved with someone new. It’s not because I’m losing my passion… It’s not because I’m getting lazy to post… It’s more of my own selfish desire to spend as much quality time with the person who has currently captivated my attention. In this case, I just want to spend as much time as I could with Jason (WHO’S JASON? READ: I’m Finally Ready – Meet My Boyfriend).

I recently admitted myself into a new relationship with Jason. He’s not entirely the reason why I’ve been slowing down with my posts… in fact he’s the reason why I have so many posts coming up within the next few months. But for the meantime, I hope you all understand why I barely have any time to keep releasing posts after posts after posts. I want to slowly savour this phase of our relationship and appreciate it as intimately as possible. The phase of getting to know your partner and understanding what defines them is my favorite part of a relationship. Therefore, I will take my time and give most of it to my new man.

BUT I’M DEFINITELY NOT SLACKING EITHER

Behind each “date night” and Netflix marathons, I’m also busy working on the blog and completing business emails for some future social media promotions. Currently, my followers in Instagram will already know that I recently joined the Skinny Coffee Club family as one of their brand ambassadors. Given this new partnership, I’ve been slowly incorporating a new diet into my lifestyle as well as regularly trying to stay active as much as I could. By the end of August, my goal is to finish a post of how to incorporate Skinny Coffee Club’s coffee into your daily life.

In addition, I was recently approached by a “luxurious” watch company in Instagram. This partnership is still in the works, and I will not release any further information until the time is right. For now, just be excited because I will be hosting an Instagram giveaway very soon! Please, if you had not done so yet, follow my Instagram account:

Instagram

Lastly, I am planning to start making more “Story Time Videos” to share in here as well as in my YouTube account. However, I am waiting for September to roll around so I can purchase a better quality camera with my friend’s student discount (I like to be economically wise with my money too!). BUT – I still want to release the video telling how Jason “asked me to be his girlfriend”. I plan to have this video released before the end of July.

Well, there you have it guys!!! Just be patient with me here… I’m really struggling in finding the time to perfectly balance my blog, my new relationship, my social life, my online course, my workouts, and my sleep altogether. But for the sake of my wonderful readers all over the world, I will do it!

My mom raised me to hustle, so a hustler is what I became. 

With love,

Mary Dezleigh Teodosio.

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I’m Finally Ready – Meet My Boyfriend

July 11, 2017

Dear Readers,

After my first heartbreak (find out more here: Broken: October 30, 2016) my whole view on relationships completely changed. At some point, I even considered being single for the rest of my life. I even considered moving to a new city just to be isolated away from all the familiar faces in my life. My last breakup destroyed my ability to trust, and to love someone else greater than myself… or I once thought so. All of my doubts, frustrations, and anger in love changed when a 6 foot 1 gent came into my life.

Meet my boyfriend, Jason Yang!

We began as a pair who just wanted to be in each other’s company for the summer. Originally, we were introduced by my friend Gen during one of my drunken-party nights, and we began to text soon after. I first met Jason through a delightful afternoon of eating ice cream. We arranged to casually go out for ice cream at a Menchies nearby. Jason and I both live in the northwest area of Calgary, making it convenient for us to go to a nearby strip mall wherein Menchies is located. Our day began as soon as he picked me up in his red modified Genesis Coupe.

I’ll never forget how he made me feel that day… I felt so lost in our conversation and just blissfully in awe of how well I can connect, relate, and adore a complete stranger. My simple 3 hour ice cream grub with someone whom I barely knew, was turning into a complex 3 hour ice cream grub with someone I was meant to know. Nearing the time for us to go home, I felt robbed of time and I wanted the day to keep on going. After our ice cream grub, I wanted to get to know Jason more and I knew I really, really, really, liked him.

This summer, I never expected us to become a couple.

I’ve been very vocal in expressing my desire to remain single for the duration of summer. But, the best things in life often happens unexpectedly. For the next weeks after our meeting at Menchies, Jason and I became inseparable. We enjoyed each other’s company a little too much and we didn’t want to waste a perfectly fine summer alone. We wanted to create a summer we both will never forget. At first, we gave each other until the end of summer to determine if we were going to last more than just a summer fling. Astonishingly, we turned out to be more than just a season’s worth of romance. As we developed more and more of a strong liking and fascination in each other, it was getting obvious that Jason was ready to make us official… he was ready to turn our status into a “boyfriend-girlfriend” level… he was ready to commit into a fruitful relationship with me.

But I was scared.

I thought I wasn’t ready and I selfishly wanted the summer to be single…. but deep down, I knew I wanted to become his girlfriend eventually. I just wanted to take things slow and to assure myself that I wasn’t rushing into another temporary relationship fix. I didn’t want to hurt myself let alone hurt him, so I asked him to wait for me. Due to my selfish desire of independence, I bluntly told Jason that I’m not quite ready for a relationship. I asked Jason to give me the summer to understand myself better. I asked Jason to wait… and he did exactly that.

He waited until I finally told him, “baby, I’m ready”

Soon after I gave him my word, a few weeks later I found myself on the 12th floor of Sheraton Suites Calgary Eau Claire. It was a fairytale proposal. I had never been surprised in my life until that day. I’m not going to dive too much into this, because I want to dedicate a full “story time” video and blog about how he asked me to be his girlfriend… because the story will melt each girl’s heart, and make each woman crave for one like it.

I want to redirect this post to him.

Yes, at some point I didn’t want to be committed this summer. Yes, I was having fun partying each weekend, doing “my own thing”, acting carefree…. but NO – Not once did I think him and I would just remain as “friends with benefits” or a “summer fling”, I knew we would eventually turn into something more. It was all a matter of time to determine when we would become officially entitled and exclusive to each other. On June 25th, 2017, Mr. Jason Yang dropped on his knees and asked me, “will you be my girlfriend?”

I said, “YES!”

Now, I’m locked into a blossoming relationship with a man whose heart is pure gold. Jason treats me like a princess… literally. His smile cures my sorrows. His voice calms my storm. His touch soothes my pain and his eyes sees my soul. All the heartache I once felt is so worth it! If I had to endure that heartbreak again in order to receive Jason as my reward for all the agony, I would repeat that heartbreak process over, and over, and over again. This is the kind of love I’ve been dreaming of for many years. I’m finally ready to allow someone in. I’m finally ready to love someone greater than I ever had before… because I know this man will love me even more.

We’re just two trolls who finally became as one. 

With love,

Mary Dezleigh Teodosio.

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Love is a Matter of Choice – You Control Your Love and Life

May 11, 2017

Dear Readers,

Love is beautiful when it’s in the blooming phases, yet it is the ugliest when it fades to an end. As two people fall in love for each other, it starts as a feeling of pure magic and ecstasy. During the first phases of love, it feels as if you can conquer the world as long as your partner is with you. Gaining a “ride or die” mate, is an empowering feeling because it leads you to believe that you will always have someone throughout the thick and thin chapters of life. Love will have you feeling as if you are now completely unstoppable to do whatever you want just because you gained a trusted companion. But in reality, love doesn’t always last forever. No matter how much love a couple has for each other that love has the potential of losing its spark. Love can also end as a tragic tale. Often, love ends in the most painful way destroying each sides involved in the ordeal. However, the concept of love is not in the pain or beauty of it, but more of understanding how it truly works. The importance of love is to understand that we have the ability to control it all. We choose who we love, when to love, how to love, and what to love.

And when love ends, it may be too difficult to repair what has been lost and even more difficult to restart once again. 

This may not be true for some lovers who had gone their own separate ways, then found each other again many years later. There are couples out there who lost their ways as lovers, yet destiny reunited their paths back to each other. For those couples who are currently in love with their past mates as their future selves, I am very happy for you. But this story is mine, and sadly it doesn’t seem like I will be happily “in love” for awhile.

Everything we go through in life is a test of time. Life is a series of tests and with each test we are given two options: choosing to pass or choosing to fail (I’ll expand on this idea later on). I believe that we dictate the story of our lives to an extent, solely on the decisions we make. For example, consider the last person whom you loved and consider all the reasons why you fell in love for that person. Did you fall in love with that person’s personality? Did you admire his physical appearance? Were you attracted to their intelligence and charm? What really made you fall in love?

We fall in love with someone because we choose to. Love is a matter of constant decision makings and to an extent, we have the power to let ourselves fall in love with someone. Destiny and the laws of attraction can only work for so long, then it ultimately ends to your decision of whether or not you will choose to fight, to live, to be committed, to marry, to start a family, and to stay “in love” with another. If you still believe that love is not a matter of choice, then why do people still propose for marriage? Why does one need to ask another for their hands in marriage? If love wasn’t a matter of choice, why do divorces exist and still persist? Lastly, if it wasn’t a matter of choice, why do couples fall out of love?

If love was not a matter of choice, then love should be a reason enough to withstand all tests of time. If love was not a matter of choice, then love should be enough to resolve a couple’s differences, to heal a couple’s wounds, to liberate a couple from the feeling of isolation, and to answer all the obscurities of a relationship.  If love was not a matter of choice, love should be a reason enough to explain why there are no such things as “breakups”, “divorces”, and “going our own separate ways”. But since “breakups”, “divorces”, and “going our own separate ways” still exists, the theory of love being a choice is logically sound and true. At the end of the day, we are the ones who choose to stay in a relationship, we choose who we love, we choose to fight for the ones we love and we choose who we stay in love with.

Continuing on the two options I mentioned earlier, “choosing to pass or choosing to fail” 

We choose to “fail” in a relationship the moment we decide to stop trying. A relationship’s failure can be blamed on the individual’s decision to give up and choosing to stop “loving” their partner. Rationalize love through this, if you had already “fallen” for someone then how is it possible for you to “fall” out of love? You can’t fall out, when you had already fallen in. Visually, imagine life as a giant basket, love as a rock, and you as the controller. Once you had placed the rock inside the basket it will remain inside that basket until you decide to take it out. But if you leave that rock untouched inside the basket, it won’t go anywhere else, and essentially that’s what love is like. You have the control of selecting the type of love you want in your life. You control what rocks will remain in your basket, and which ones will be removed. A couple’s love will survive for as long as that rock is kept inside the basket. This ties me back to the idea of love being a “choice”. A relationship ends because in a way, one or both partners had decided to stop trying and chose to give up. Don’t blame love for the mishap of your relationship… blame yourself for not trying hard enough.

To “pass” the test of time in terms of love, both the partners involved within the relationship must constantly choose to fight for each other and choose to stay in love. No matter what difficulties comes in between a couple, love is a constant choice of staying, commitment, loyalty, trust, communication, understanding, and willingness to try. For a couple to understand this rationale and live with it, is how they can “pass” the tests of love.

I can’t just be friends with you. 

Given this long explanation about love being a choice, I am currently choosing to stay out of love. Romantically, my dear readers already know of how “single” and “available” I am. Although, I must admit that it is liberating and freeing to be independent, I still occasionally find myself yearning for love. After being in a relationship for 5 years, I sometimes find myself missing some aspects of a relationship. I’m human too! I do crave the physical intimacy, the cuddles, date nights, kissing, holding someone, and having someone to call at any given time of the day or night. In all honesty, I truly do miss my ex and there is still some love in me for him.

The other night, he approached me with the desire of us being “friends”. The idea of being just “friends” with my ex is absurdly painful. I can’t see myself as just his friend after all that we had been through. Above all, there is no possible way we can just be friends knowing that I still have love for him from deep within. It’s not fair, because by being “friends” I will just find myself too attached with someone whom I have no authority to claim as my significant other.

At this point I had determined the best answer to my “love” dilemma. To the ex, I see us ending in 2 ways and it will result from what we choose at the end.

1.) We go our separate ways forever.

2.) We improve ourselves enough to reconnect and restart all over again, as lovers.

Now the question is, what do you choose? 

With love,

Mary Dezleigh Teodosio.

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