When Girls Hate Each Other…

Dear Readers,

Millennials today have a big problem.

Nowadays, millennials measure beauty by the amount of likes and comments a girl can get on her Instagram photos. Thus, competition among girls lead towards aggressive and more negative forms. Today, girls online will simply hate on another girl just because she’s posting so much selfies which is attracting hundreds of likes each time. If a girl is getting more online attention, views, and followings, this can attract female jealousy and female hate. Other than online popularity, the less popular girls have their own share of online critics too. Today, it’s hard to find a place for a girl to express herself without being criticized or hated upon. It’s difficult to ignore that online attention can amount to both positive and negative types.

In this particular post, I want to address negative female behaviours towards their fellow females. Specifically, I want to talk about females hating on other females solely because of what they see online.

The idea of hating on another girl just because of what she posts online is absolutely horrific and sad for me. Most of this online hate comes in the form of “hate comments”, for example, “you’re fat”, “you’re ugly”, “try hard”, “ew”, and best of all, “slut”.

When girls hate each other, we go against the whole idea of women empowerment.

When girls hate each other, we prevent rising females to lead in an influential way.

When girls hate each other, we destroy each other’s self-esteems, and crush each other’s spirits.

Instead of supporting each other, women are sooooo good at dragging each other down. 

I truly, do not support the idea of dragging each other down. One girl who doesn’t fit the mold of societal beauty does not deserve to be criticized for her appearances. An Instagram model flaunting her god given gifts should not be criticized either. Any form of hate towards another girl’s appearance, clothing, lifestyle, or beliefs are unacceptable. Remember, if a girl is posting stuff online that DOES NOT HARM YOU OR AFFECT YOU, her postings should be none of your business. Yet, women’s inborn jealousy and arrogance will inevitably cause hate towards other women who she may perceive as a “threat”, or as “someone who is better than her”.

What happened to women supporting other women?

It doesn’t matter how big or small a girl is, how many followers she has, or what type of photos she posts online, because at the bottomline of it all, no one has the right to judge another by the way he/she decides to live and share their lives online. If someone is sharing posts that truly bothers you, my best advice is to, “unfollow”…. if it’s at the point wherein that individual is harming your peace of mind, the next best advice I have is to, “block”. Truly, there is no sense in starting online wars if the drama prevention steps, such as unfollowing and blocking are so easy to follow.

An Instagram influencer who works so hard on providing content, capturing marketable images, and starting a brand for her name, should not be condemned as one who is, “seeking for attention and fake” – She’s simply making moves and making a name for herself. This girl works so hard to get her creativity out, to create the best pictures and share meaningful content… why the hell would hate on that, is it because you can’t do it like she does? 

A girl who may only have 50 followers, have a different body shape than most, and may have severe social skills, does not deserve to be bullied online either. Who gave you the right to drag someone down… especially someone who is fighting her own battle against depression, handling her own mental issues and dealing with her other personal problems… This girl already has too much on her plate, and dealing with unnecessary online drama is punishment she does not deserve…who made you so perfect that you can freely criticize her appearance or life? 

We all have our battles. 

The online world is a cruel place to be for those who do not have tough skins, and strong minds. I feel bad for those girls who are always being put down on social media. Worst of all, I feel awful for those girls who lack confidence in themselves and thus feel the need to drag others down with them. Those girls who are so negative online, are the worst types of girls… I think that female online bullies have insecurities bigger than the girls they’re trying to drag down.

Females are just jealous creatures in nature. But this jealousy does not need to surmount your inner good. To type hateful comments online and to actively promote bullying requires action which is derived from one’s corrupted mind and heart. Instead of drawing energy from this, why can’t females just focus on the good instead?

Instead of promoting hate towards other females, why can’t we all just unite and support each other. Instead of commenting, “you suck”, why won’t you comment, “you’ll get better”. Instead of commenting, “you’re ugly”, why can’t you just say, “you’re pretty”, or say NOTHING at all. Some females fail to understand that their actions online have an impact to those targeted by their actions. One simple comment on a girl’s photo in Instagram can either make or break her day….

I choose to make her day. 

I’m the type of girl who would much rather comment positivity on someone’s page rather than typing negative comments. Remember, your actions online is also an image of who you are in real life. What you say online is a reflection of who you are. In so, I want to be someone who is known for being genuine, kind, and nice both online and in real life – this is why I choose to uplift females by saying nice things to them, complimenting them, and making them feel important. I would much rather be a positive female than a negative one. Think about it, doesn’t it make you feel good to be complimented?? Doesn’t it make you feel nice when someone else calls you, “pretty” or comments, “I love your outfit”?! So, why can’t we all just share this feeling of joy from being adored and supported… instead of making each other feel like shit?!

Online bullies will always exist.

The way to deal against these bullies is through unity in numbers. Think about it, there are more victims than there are bullies. If all of us victims, and non-victims support each other, I’m sure these online bullies will slowly disappear and stop. By making someone’s day as simple as commenting, “you’re pretty”, on their recent selfie online, or commenting, “good job”, on their most recent accomplishment, can outweigh any negative actions and ill wishes a bully will have. Our words matter. By saying or commenting something nice and sweet, can truly help to uplift someone who is having a bad day. Like I said before, we all have our battles… so why not ease each other’s battles by being a nice person to each other?

Spread love, not hate.

Don’t be that girl who hates too much on others, because when girls hate each other it’s a disease that will hurt as all. Remember, your online character/persona reflects you in real life too. So don’t act big and mighty online, when in reality you’re not.

HIKING THE CANADIAN ROCKIES

With love,

Mary Dezleigh Teodosio

Let’s Protect the Girls of Tomorrow – #MeToo

January 23, 2018

Dear Readers,

The concept of transitioning into an adult, while still having a youthful soul is a scary thought. How can a girl share her creativity in a world that judges and criticizes too much? How can a girl be creative when gender barriers still exists… and for some reason, a boy’s creativity will always prevail over hers? How can a girl be strong enough to voice her truth, when no one seems to care… when no one seems to believe… when no one seems to take a stand. How can a girl be strong enough to conquer all forms of oppressions? How can a girl finally transition into a woman with passion, strength, and ability to empower others with her beautiful mind and heart?

When I was a kid, I had a strong fascination with balloons. This is my homage to the inner child in me – the child who had always believed in the good. The child whose innocence was not tainted by the sad reality that life is difficult – especially if you’re a girl.

Now, I can start this post by discussing the gender wage gap existing in the workforce, or by criticizing the likes of Harvey Weinstein or Donald Trump. I can tell you how much it pains me to know that male privilege exists in our society… how most of the top CEO’s are men, how the glass ceiling exists to target the female population, and how the opportunities for women to grow their careers are not as significant as it is for men. But instead, I want to narrow the vast oppression of women into one specific area: sexual harassment. 

I want to tell you how much I hate seeing women’s talents being ignored unless they’re ready to bare it their all. To be notice by a crowd, a woman not only has to showcase her abilities and talents, she must also be compliant to male orders and directions. A woman with a talent is nothing if she is not ready to bare herself to a man with authority…. to allow herself to be taken sexually… to be harassed in order to reach her dreams. This is the reality that tainted my innocence and pushed me to stand with the women who demands for equality and truth.

When I was kid, someone once told me to, “marry young and obey your husband”.  We brought up our girls to understand that women must be willing to cater to their husband’s needs, and we raised our girls to become “stay at home moms”. We had gone through generations of male dominance and male leadership, without ever questioning their “male” position as a female. Old traditions of teaching young girls to cook, sew, clean, and look beautiful for a man who’ll take care of her financially is outdated. Our society is partially to blame for ignoring all the voices of women who wanted more… for ignoring women who wanted to tell the truth… and for shutting down any woman who wanted to protest against the dominant male figure.

BUT THIS AWFUL REALITY ENDS TODAY. 

In university, I took a Women’s Studies class that had opened my eyes to the vast inequalities that women face compared to men. Women’s Studies made me understand that being a girl is really, really, really fucking hard. We have to work so much harder to get a job, to be creative, to excel in sports, to be noticed solely with our minds and not our bodies, and to be treated as equals of men. Women are more susceptible to domestic violence, sexual assault, harassment, and negative stigmas. Women role models in politics, sports, business, and religion are not as dominant as male role models. Men seem to have the better road in life… while we are forced to climb the highest mountain peaks, in order to reach what most men can easily attain. IT’S REALLY NOT FAIR. 

Sexual harassment is a term that I didn’t associate myself with before, and that is because of fear. I too, am guilty of being uncomfortable with the topic. I too, was oblivious with the topic. I used to be the person who would much rather talk about the latest Instagram trends than to talk about sexual harassment. Now that I think about it, I should had discussed the issue more when I could have… I should had done it for the sake of the next female generations to come.

What do I mean?

Well, I’ve never been sexually harassed before, but I know people who had been. At the time, their stories didn’t make me ache like it aches me now. Their stories didn’t touch me as deep, because I was uncomfortable and had very little knowledge about the topic. After taking a semester of Women’s Studies class, I can now confidently express my opinions about sexual harassment. That class broke my comfort levels and made me realize that if I keep being quiet about all the sexual harassments existing around me… if I choose to be quiet and not spread the voices of women needing to be heard… If I choose to do NOTHING… then I too, am failing at being a woman.

We need to listen to the women who had been hurt. We need to support them and let them understand that we are here for them… fighting with them… and we are here because we want the next generations to understand that they are safe. The next generation of girls needs to be raised knowing what their rights are, and knowing that their rights are protected. The next generation of girls needs to understand that their bodies are not a sexualized item. The next generation of girls deserve to feel like their voices, opinions, and ideas matter. We MUST obliterate sexual harassment now, for the sake of all our future daughters, and their daughters.

Ideally, we must fight against the men who feel entitled to harassing women and placing our bodies in a sexualized manner – we must defend our rights as women to be treated as equals of men. Ideally, the word “sexual harassment” should be an issue most boys get educated about in order for them to treat their future girlfriends and wives with the utmost respect. Most importantly, we must educate our boys about sexual harassment NOW, in order to protect the girls of tomorrow, and to give justice for the women who had suffered sexual harassment or assault.

SEXUAL HARASSMENT – It is real. It is affecting women’s lives. It is an issue we must address.

As a creative individual/blogger, I feel safe knowing that I have a platform that doesn’t need me to succumb to any male input. I have the control over my blog, thus I have the ability and freedom to release whatever creativity, content, stories, posts, or pictures I want to share. IF my freedom as a blogger was ever taken away from me, that would honestly shatter my spirit and destroy any of my desires to keep on writing… I can only imagine what it must had felt like for those creative women to be oppressed by men. That’s like me losing my blog… that’s like me losing my voice. 

Creativity stems dreams.

We all have creativity inside us. We all have dreams. The reason why I stand with the #MeToo movement (movement against sexual assault and harassment) is because of the undignified individuals who are threatening the dreamers from dreaming… thus threatening the dreamer’s creativity and ideas. If we keep on being silent about sexual harassment, how many more girls will have dreams of making it big only to find out that she must take her clothes off first in order to make it BIG… How many more innocent dreamers will we wake up in the nightmare of being raped, just because they really wanted that job they worked so hard to attain… How many more creative thinkers are we going to kill just because their ideas threatened ours… How many more creative minds are we going to ignore just because we’re scared to listen… HOW MANY MORE?

The #MeToo movement inspired this post. I wanted to share with you all my take and my voice against sexual harassment. The photoshoot in which I had the beautiful honour shooting with Jason May, is my abstract view of childhood and adulthood. In the photos below, I symbolize the adult and the balloons represents the little girl I used to be. As a woman, I STILL CARRY THE VOICE OF MY YOUNGER SELF. My younger self was pure and innocent… the little girl in me always believed in the good… and I still believe in that light, which is the goodness triumphing over the bad. As an adult, I will now carry on my younger self’s vision and pass on that light to the next generation… essentially, I’m passing on these balloons to you. I hope that you stand in the light of the good.

Dear Readers, this is the time wherein we really need to listen and to be more accepting. To the men who are standing with us and listening, I applaud you so much. To the women who are voicing their stories to the public, I hope you keep on talking because you have an audience at your feet. To the younger kids who are scared to be creative and to dream… keep on dreaming, someday your dreams will become a reality.

With love,

Mary Dezleigh Teodosio.

 

 

 

The Number One Reason Why Relationships Fail: Lies

June 7, 2017

Dear Readers,

If we can all be honest to our partners, I wonder how many relationships out there could had been saved. If we all sided with the truth, I wonder how many couple’s fights could had been avoided. If we all never lied to each other as a partner, a friend, a human being, I wonder how much better the world would be today. But sometimes, even the ones whom you think will never lie, will do it too. At some point, no matter how much you have sworn you will never lie to someone who is special to you, at some point even you will cross that line. We are humans, and we are so easily tempted to make the wrong choices to benefit our own. We all have selfish sides, and my own selfishness caused me to lose a relationship. Here’s to another failed relationship on my behalf.

I’m sorry I lied, I’m sorry I destroyed us. This post is for you, my long distance friend whom could had been so much more. I failed you and I failed our potential at becoming more… and with that I am awfully sorry. 

I had been fairly open about my “love life” here on this blog. Many of you already know about the special someone I had been talking closely to for the past 5 months. Importantly, many of you by now knows about the undeniably far distance that separates us. Given how we had never met and the distance dividing us, our relationship’s failure was inevitable. Many, including myself, truly hoped that him and I would work out and prove the universe and its doubters wrong. However, we became just another statistic of failed long distance relationships. We became nothing, yet at some point we both were hoping to become something greater.

Let me tell you why we failed… because in this situation, the distance was not the only reason why.

Since the beginning, I had always been hesitant about getting into a long distance relationship. For those of you who may not know me on a personal level, one key thing about my personality is that I am a planner. I like to plan things in advance, especially details about my life and how I want it to look like in the future. With this in mind, I tried envisioning my life with him in the picture. Most scenarios I made in my head would had been possible, but I knew it wasn’t going to be an easy route. I pictured all the great parts of what could had been us… parts such as our first meeting, him visiting me in Calgary, me flying to California to visit him, introducing each other to our families and friends, etc. But reality eventually hit me, this relationship is manageable and totally attainable, however it is going to be an expensive one. For us to be physically together, there will be a great deal of flying and travelling involved. In addition, at some point in the far future, this constant “travelling” will have to result to a permanent solution. Therefore, one of us would have to sacrifice and move for the other. I knew it wasn’t going to be an easy journey right from the beginning, yet I continued talking to him for many more months after the first.

My fear of being committed into a long distance relationship lead to me behaving more distantly from him. The past few weeks, I had been investing less and less of my time in him. I used my social life and busy schedule to cope with the problem I already had in mind. We also had been arguing tremendously for the past month and I was not willing to have more arguments. Our arguments were immature ones too. For the most part, our arguments sparked from our poor communication and depreciating effort and time for each other. Due to my arrogant and selfish side, I did what I do best… I kept my distance and selfishly prioritize my own happiness in exchange for his.

I believe my main mistake with dealing against the distance was my quietness about the topic and lack of communication. I never told him about how scared I was to be committed in a long distance relationship. I never told him about my concerns and doubts. I kept it all to myself and only shared it with my friends. Maybe, if I had been more vocal about it, maybe him and I could had figured out a plan on overcoming the distance. But instead, I chose to remain silent.

BUT THAT IS NOT ALL OF IT

3 weeks ago I unexpectedly met someone who is now becoming a bigger and bigger part of my life. Let’s call him, “Jay” and I also need to add a quick disclaimer: before this Jay (NOT MY EX JAY) entered the picture, “American Bae” and I had already been going through a rough time.

When we were starting the baby phases of our long distance relationship, we agreed on us not being exclusive to each other. We were very close, but we were never official or committed to a “boyfriend-girlfriend” relationship. Therefore, we allowed each other to talk to other people with the respect of telling the other what was going on. This is where I messed up. I kept Jay as a secret from him. We had an agreement that solely relied upon honesty and trust, an agreement that I clearly broke by choosing not to disclose the growing relationship between Jay and I. Worst of all, I even lied to him multiple times about my whereabouts just to hide my romantic activities with Jay. On our last call made on June 1, 2017, I finally confessed and told him the truth about Jay and why I had been acting differently within the past weeks prior to our “talk”.

Now, there are also a few key points that I should mention. Before some of you may start thinking, “well Dez, since you weren’t an exclusive couple, I think what you did was fine…” It would had been fine, if I never lied. On top of the lies, his commitment was only on me. He only talked to me and ONLY ME for the past 5 months and never had any interests in other girls… and trust me, with his good looks and charm, he can easily get any girl he wants… BUT NO… his time and attention was only devoted for me. Yet, I failed to devote myself for him. I was too selfish to consider his sacrifices and commitments. I was too selfish and weak, that I even resulted to lying for my own benefit. Worst part is, my lies not only ruined our relationship, it also ruined his ability to trust again… just like how my EX ruined my ability to trust again too. Ohhh man, the irony of it all. I stooped so low and became as worst as my EX was. I became the liar who selfishly ended a relationship with so much potential of becoming great. A lie will always be a lie and a lie made once can destroy one’s ability to trust again. This is why I can never forgive myself for my behaviour.

That’s not the worst of it, this August he was planning to surprise me on my birthday by coming up to Canada to meet me. He has been planning this surprise trip with the help of my friend. This information made me realize how he had his life all planned out too… On our last FaceTime call he told me that in August is when he was planning to ask me to be his “official girlfriend”. He wanted to make “us” official and he wanted to achieve this in person instead of proposing through FaceTime. Just like me, he was planning his future too, but his future plans included me in it. He even went as far as telling me that he was planning on finishing his current work commitments and was planning on eventually moving to Canada to finish his post-secondary education.

Hearing all of his plans saddened me, because I never knew about it and I wanted it ALL TO HAPPEN TOO. It took me by surprise how he wanted me to be a part of his life, yet I wasn’t willing to include him in mine. After hearing about his plans, I started envisioning how we could work… but my visions came a little too late. He was angered by my actions and his trust in me will never be the same. A part of me still hopes for his plans to come true, but given what I did, it will all remain as a plan that will never lead towards fruition.

Despite my poor choice of actions and unforgivable behaviour, I learned many things from American Bae. Without his presence in my life, I would had never understood the importance communication in a relationship. In addition, his presence in my life taught me the true importance of honesty, truth, and integrity within all relationships. From this experience, I’ve grown to realize that even I will lie too… even I am willing to make the same mistakes that my EX made in order to protect myself from getting hurt and to secure my own happiness. This experience made me realize just how much I hated lying to my partner, and I will make sure, that from here on end, all my relationships will be built on a strong foundation of honesty. Hopefully, the older me will be a woman who will stand firm in honesty, truth, and loyalty. I know I made a terrible mistake, and because of this I swear I will never repeat the same mistake again.

A relationship grows from a couple’s ability to communicate, while honesty is what secures a relationship’s longevity. 

Sincerely,

Mary Dezleigh Teodosio.