Relationship Guide #1: Holy Trinity

Dear Readers,

The other day, I was interviewed by a student in communications and broadcasting at the Southern Alberta Institute of Technology (SAIT), who was doing a project about local Calgary influencers. Among her questions was, “what got you into blogging in the first place?

And, just like that I’m here writing this post.

My blog, is a personal story of my life. An open book that tells stories of heartaches and love. Those who had been reading along with my stories since the very beginning will know that this blog was originally a “relationship and love” blog. Why I stopped writing about relationships and love… I really don’t know.

After, my traumatic experience of being cheated on, lied to, used, and completely being treated like trash… I built myself bigger, better, and brighter. I told myself, “one day, all  you will ever write about are the pretty things in life, all the positives, all the happy things, and all the good that is there in life.”

That’s when I lost a genuine piece of me, because by letting myself write my pain and sorrow showed a side of our being that we all have –  it showed both vulnerability and strength. The moment I stopped talking about my relationships and views about love, was the moment I lost my spark as a writer. There’s nothing more empowering and true than a woman who is speaking genuinely from her core. And tonight, I’m going to do exactly that.

On that thought, I kept thinking – maybe I should invest a portion of my blog to be one section devoted to act as a “Relationship Guide”. So here we are, as I welcome you to the first post in my “Relationship Guide” series, which I hope will become a monthly occurrence. (YAY – IM BACK BITCHESSSS!)

celebs-in-illuminati-beyonce.gif

My aim with these series:

  • allow myself to write expressively and freely again
  • be your serving guide towards a better and healthier relationship
  • release MONTHLY content

On that note, LET’S START !

In a perfect world, love is in abundance. In a perfect world, heartaches and being broken doesn’t exist. Yet we all know, the perfect world doesn’t exist until we reach heaven. But on earth, we try to make the best version of  our heaven that we can get.

Jason and I had been doing great. In fact, we barely fight. When we do, we often solve our issues as best we could and as fast as we can. Leaving things unresolved to linger longer is not really our forte.  Thus, being happy and at peace in a healthy relationship is not really the best case scenario for a relationship blogger who have readers more interested in heartbreak stories. Then I realized, maybe I should talk about what makes my relationship with Jason so great – and like a giant flickering light bulb, it dinged and hit me: I SHOULD TALK ABOUT THE 3 CORE THINGS A RELATIONSHIP NEEDS FOR IT TO LAST!!!! 

Throughout the years I had come to understand that a relationship needs 3 core things in order for it to last. I call these 3 core things, as the “Holy Trinity” – which consists of:

1.) Humility

2.) Patience

3.) Trust

HUMILITY

We all have egos bigger than the sun, and pride too strong to be ignored. Sometimes, our ego and pride can get the best of us… Sometimes, we act more towards what our ego dictates and what our pride can’t contain. In a relationship, acting out based on ego and pride is an ultimate path towards failure. But, I get it… sometimes it’s hard to apologize, or accept your fault, or to let an argument go, or to ignore the little things… Like I genuinely get it…

BUT…

There must come a point wherein both partners need to humble themselves down.

After an argument, remember that it’s always easier to “say sorry”,  than to yell your lungs out and create a bigger issue out of nothing.

tenor.gif

When you fuck something up, it’s easier to admit to it, than to keep denying your own faults. You’re human  and you’re not always going to be right – so just dial it back, and own up to your mistakes!!!! Remember – everyone in life must own up to their faults, because there is nothing worse than a person who lacks accountability. This advice is not just for personal relationships, it applies to everything!!!

When an argument stirs up, and you find yourself in complete conflict with your partner, don’t just sleep it out and “let it go”… voice yourself out… and make sure that at some point you two find a way to meet in the middle and understand each other’s views without putting your own views at stake.

Lastly, never ignore the little things… the little things like, “miscommunication”, “forgotten plans”, “lack of effort”, “strange behavior” , “unspoken actions”, “misguided thoughts”, and soooo much more issues that people typically consider as the “little things”,
should NEVER be ignored. Don’t let your ego tell you, “you don’t have time for this”, “don’t listen to this nonsense”, “he’s wrong, I’m right”, or “I have better things to do”.

Personally, I want people to reciprocate the amount of effort I give in a relationship, to communicate with me, and to understand that, even though my life is busy as it is, I always have time to listen and to talk… I may not always be the first one initiating the conversation, but when you need me, I’m there. So when I need to talk, even if it’s a “little thing”, you better be there to listen to me, as I would for you.

Put your ego aside, and for the right person, learn how to give as much as you take, listen as much as you talk, and accept that your flaws are just as equal as your partner’s flaws. Find joy in being humble, because the right person for you will be able to see the real you, through and through.

“You are not greater than your partner. sometimes, saying nothing at all is better than making any noise. Silence speaks more volumes than words ever will at times of anger”

PATIENCE

Just like many things, relationships will require huge amounts of invested time and tremendous amounts of patience. As life continues on, and the days feel shorter and shorter, I understand how people start to lose their patience with the people they love. Trust me, I’m very impatient myself.

But Jason has taught me, that not everything happens in one day.

The prettiest butterflies in the world, started as caterpillars – and just like butterflies, a relationship needs time to grow too.

giphy.gif

Do you want to know what’s a great test for patience???

Remember waiting for you partner to arrive as he is late for your dinner reservation… or waiting for him to come home so you can start your favorite Netflix shows… or waiting for him to text you back… or waiting for him decide on whether or not pasta for dinner is better than pizza. Remember, how patient you were in these situations because you knew how important these little things are to your relationship???

No matter what happened, even if your partner was running late, you still waited… and you never gave in and watched that Netflix show alone… (I mean you could had – but keep it hush hush 😂). That’s patience.

All of these…. are tests of patience… at the simplest kind. But to build onto this, consider how it feels when a promise is broken, or a simple favor was not completed… like you asking your partner to clean the washroom before you get home, but that task was still untouched by the time you got home, or even asking your partner to pick up some pads from the grocery store on his way home, but he somehow forgot… when promises are broken and effort is lacking, it can be pretty frustrating at certain times.

But you must remember: “BE PATIENT”.

Before you boil up and lose your shit – ask yourself: is this really worth fighting over with??? Maybe he had a bad day too??? Maybe he’s just as tired as you??? Maybe he did try to buy those pads, but the store ran out of pads???

Always ask, before acting out. (A lesson I need to apply for myself too)

“If your anger can be fixed in 30 minutes, why let it stay for long?”

Sometimes, it’s smarter to evaluate whether or not, a little forgotten task, or a little misunderstanding is worth a giant fight. Is it worth 30 minutes of anger??? Or can I use the 30 minutes of being angry to talk and figure out what went wrong???

Instead of fighting and arguing about it, use that time to figure it out… This is where patience really, really, really kicks in.

It takes a lot of patience to control your anger and act maturely… and sometimes, the best way to execute it, is to evaluate whether or not the fight is worth it to begin with. For the most part, everyday petty fights are not worth calling your friends over for wine night to vent out your frustrations, or yelling hysterically at your partner, or even calling the relationship “OVER” (don’t be that dramatic – note to self 😂😂😂).  Just learn to be patient and your relationship will reward you 100 times more. original.gif

TRUST

Above all things, learn how to trust.

For a lot of  people, trusting someone is super-super-super hard. Take me for example, I had been so hurt by some cheating asshole before, that trusting people to not hurt me again is literally super hard. The word “trust” just means so much to me, and I protect that word so much, that when I give it to you, you better protect that shit with your life.

Before Jason, learning how to trust other people was like learning how to fly – it was almost impossible and unattainable. Yet here we are – Jason Yang managed to bring out my wings, and now I’m soaring so high, I’m never going to fall again.

tumblr_opc0xfQRIP1udfapao1_500.gif

For the most part, I still find it hard to trust Jason – especially when other females are involved.

But then again, I have to keep reminding myself that TRUST is the most important part of an effective and lasting relationship.

At times wherein you feel like your trust is missing or if you don’t want to give your trust away, JUST REMEMBER THIS:

“If he fucks up on you, that’s his loss sis. A true beauty like yourself, should never have time to entertain anything less than real”

tenor.gif

Even though it can be super difficult to trust someone, just believe me when I say, “give your trust to them now, and if they lose it, just cut them out forever”. This is the life motto that will get you places, believe me.

At the end of the day, any solid relationship will need a strong basis of trust. For a couple to last long, both partners need to try to protect and solidify their trust towards the relationship as a whole – not just on an individual level, but more towards trusting that the relationship you two have, have the capacity to sustain all trivial times and overcome any storms because the trust you two have on each other is built from pure gold.

HUMILITY, PATIENCE & TRUST: are all a relationship needs to succeed. These are the Holy Trinity of any relationship. Master these, and I’m sure that relationship will conquer and last for many, many, many years to come.

How to respond to

With love,

Mary Dezleigh Teodosio

5 Ways to Fall in Love in Kelowna

Dear Readers

After many months of patiently waiting, Jason and I finally went on our first vacation as a couple!!!

WE WENT TO KELOWNA!!!!

If you follow my Instagram, you already know that Jason and I spent a week at Kelowna along with my family and Jason’s little brother, Jonas. Kelowna is perhaps my favorite Canadian city during the summer. WHY?

BECAUSE I FALL IN LOVE WITH KELOWNA EVERY SINGLE TIME I VISIT.

The mountains that surround the massive lakes are a sight to marvel on its own. Add wine to that mix, and you got yourself a romantic place… best part about this year’s Kelowna trip is the fact that the love of my life, mi amor, my langga, my bao bei, was with me the whole time.

You see, falling in love in Kelowna can happen in 5 ways.

1.) Wineries

Did you really go to Kelowna if you didn’t visit at least ONE winery???

If you said NO, then you definitely missed out!!! But if you said YES, then you would know how romantic wineries are. During this trip, Jason and I visited a few wineries, including Mission Hill, Summerhill Pyramid Winery, and Frequency Winery.

I’m not much of a “wine expert”, but I am a TOURIST expert. I didn’t go to these wineries for the wine, to be honest, I was there solely for the view and the ambiance of it all. As Jason and I strolled through each winery, hand in hand, I can feel the pure joy of being in love just swarming my veins and dashing through my soul. Nothing felt better than dragging your partner to corners of the winery just to see a different angle of the marvellous mountains… or perhaps, dragging your partner to the spots wherein the best views can be seen… that on its own is a feeling worth falling in love for. As we soaked up the summer heat, we also soaked up the mesmerizing view of each other being mesmerized of the view in front of us. Jason is quite a view himself, but the view from the wineries I mentioned, are truly one of a kind.

28DA6A8B-6CEB-4076-A59B-7F9A2DCD34E4

2.) Cherry Picking

Another popular tourist attraction or tourist to-do in Kelowna is to pick cherries or cherry picking!

My little cousin, Aurora, had the best time picking cherries! Look at these photos of her:

But cherry picking is not only fun for kids, it’s also fun for adults! Jason and I truly enjoyed following Aurora around the cherry trees. For each cherry we picked and ate, the sweetness of each cherry can’t compare to the sweetness level of my relationship with Jason. Nothing can compare to the sight of Jason picking up a cherry from the tallest branch, and then giving it to me… the sweetness of each cherry can’t compare to the sweetness of having Jason there to eat and experience these cherries with me. The whole experience wouldn’t had been the same if Jason wasn’t in the picture.

3.) Water Sports 

If you’re a couple who are always looking for some thrill, adventure, and fun, then Kelowna is still a perfect place to fall in love at!

This year’s Kelowna trip, Jason and I did some water sports such as tubing and rode like adrenaline junkies in rented sea doos! The adrenaline rush was so addicting!!! I would definitely come back and do all of it again! You should too!

Kelowna is a great place to make memories at. Not only does the place offer amazing views, it’s also a great place to experience new things for the first time. In our case, Jason’s first time tubing and riding/driving the sea doo happened in Kelowna. Since it was his first time trying these fun activities, the experience became a hundred times more memorable. In terms of falling in love, how can you ever forget your firsts???

The memories of trying something new along with the one you love, is better than your typical Friday night date, because you get to create a memory that will last longer than any regular date ever will. I mean, how can you forget that one time you two fell off a tube while being dragged by a boat that’s going 60 km/h… or that one time you saw your family members fall off a sea doo because they were driving too fast… or that one time you drove a sea doo for the first time… these are the type of stories a couple will share with their family, friends, and even strangers, over and over again.

4.) Date Night at Cactus Club Cafe

Jason and I LOVE food.

Food is an important part of our relationship, because we both love to eat!!! A vacation wouldn’t be complete without a private date night (just us two), and good food. So, on the last night of our trip, we left Jonas with my parents and decided to drive to Downtown Kelowna Boardwalk. Around this area, you will find some great restaurants. Of all the great places to eat near the boardwalk, we decided to hit up Cactus Club Cafe because it is located at waterfront. The ambiance of the place was perfect too!!! And the food, well, you can never go wrong with Cactus Club Cafe!

Alone time as a couple is so important during a big family vacation. Dinner dates such as these, can make any place feel a hundred times more surreal. The conversations seem to last a little longer, the food seem to taste a little better, and the person you’re with seem to be placed perfectly in your life… that dinner wouldn’t be the same if it was with someone else. The moments we had shared while we were on our date night at Cactus Club Cafe, was quite special.

5.) Stroll Around Kasugai Gardens 

While you’re in the Downtown Kelowna Boardwalk area, make sure to take a quick stroll around Kasugai Gardens.

Nature offers beauty beyond words can ever describe. Gardens offer serenity and a sense of wonder at how beautiful flowers blossom and how green the grasses and leaves can get. While strolling around Kasugai Gardens, the serenity of the place will make you feel even more at peace while you hold your special someone’s hand as tightly as you possibly can. As you stroll around, you will realize that the sense of serenity and ease doesn’t just come from the garden alone… it also comes with the fact that you have someone you love to hold beside you. The peacefulness of the garden was amplified because Jason was there with me. During our stroll at Kasugai Garden, I felt at peace and so relaxed. At that moment, I was not alone… I had someone who loved me and whom I loved back… Being able to share moments like this with each other, is worth falling in love for.

As summer 2018 draws near to an end, I look forward to my future Kelowna summer trips. WHY?

because I want to fall in love over, and over again. 

With love,

Mary Dezleigh Teodosio.

 

Relationship Mood Board – How to Celebrate Your One Year Anniversary!!

Dear Readers,

As you all may already know, Jason and I celebrated our one year anniversary on June 25, 2018. Since it was on a Monday, we decided to have our anniversary dinner on Saturday, June 23. Here are some pics from our dinner at Sukiyaki House:

On our actual anniversary date on June 25, 2018, Jason and I made a Mood Board!!!!

What is a Mood Board?

Ideally, a Mood Board is a giant poster/board that hold photos, and words that lead towards inspiration. Ultimately, a Mood Board should help you visualize what you’re thinking or dreaming about in your head. By putting all of these creative ideas or dreams or visions you have from your head, into something physical such as a poster paper, can help you channel out your energy the right way. It helps you determine the goals you have in mind, and pushes you to believe and strive towards those goals.

The power of the mind is no joke. Have you ever heard of the saying, “the more you think, dream, and pray about it, the more it’ll come true”. The Mood Board, is the visual representation of that saying.

The idea of making a Mood Board came from my best friend, Tamika. Originally, she told me to make one for myself only… but then I realized, why not make a “Relationship Mood Board” instead?!?!

Jason and I gathered photos from the internet that represented the 5 most important things in our relationship. These 5 are:

1.) Family

2.) Home

3.) Pet

4.) Travel

5.) Cars

This is how our Mood Board looks like:

fullsizeoutput_ffc2fullsizeoutput_ffc7fullsizeoutput_ffc6

As you can see, at the back of our board we wrote a special letter from our “current selves” to our “future selves”.  It’s a reminder of who we are right now, and who we aspire to be… just in case, somewhere along our lives wherein we might forget.

A quick summary of the 5 most important things in our life, and the photos we selected.

  1. Family – Jason and I want to have 2 kids. We also want to establish our careers as CPAs (Chartered Professional Accountants) and land stable jobs. We both agree that job security is important in order to maintain a happy family.
  2. Home – Thankfully, we both agree to a modern looking house, and modern decor. I want a nice kitchen, with white marble countertops, white walls, and modern furnitures. Jason wants a gaming room, wherein he can play his gaming computer, TV, Xbox, and Play Station (typical guy, I know).
  3. Pet – This was mostly MY IDEA. I grew up with two cats, and ever since I lost them, I’ve been relentlessly dreaming of owning my own pet cat. Ideally, I want a fat grey cat, just like the one on our Mood Board 🙂
  4. Travel – Both of us want to travel the world before we officially settle, get married and have kids. At the top of our travel bucket list includes, Philippines (my country of birth), China (Jason’s country of birth), Mexico, and Las Vegas (Jason enjoys gambling – so this would be the perfect getaway for him!).
  5. Cars – Our dream cars all happen to be in white colors!!! Mine would be the G-Wagon, and his are the other two cars on the board (I have no idea what they’re called).

I love our Mood Board!!!

It’s the best source of inspiration, and motivation to keep on going. It’s truly a physical way of viewing our dreams as a couple. Now that I have it up in my room, every time I glance at it, I feel so much more inspired… more motivated… more ambitious… and it feels as if my dreams, are not too far away.

Our Relationship Mood Board, represents the goals that Jason and I are working towards. Each couple must have these sets of goals, because having an end goal wherein both partners can work towards is key to a lasting relationship. How dull would your relationship be, if you and your partner have no dreams… no shared visions… no shared goals… A couple must always, always dream and work hard together, because that is truly the key to a beautiful and long relationship.

Remember this, “the glory and joy of achieving your goals as a couple will taste so much sweeter, because the couple dreamed it together, worked for it together, and are living in it together. Don’t let your fear hold you back… support each other… encourage the other… and one day, in God’s good grace, you’ll have everything in your Relationship Mood Board too!” 

With love,

Mary Dezleigh Teodosio.