How to Overcome the Breakup Pain

Dear Readers,

We’ve all been there. Breakup. Heartbreak.

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You see, it may as well be breakup season since most of the people surrounding me seem to be going through a breakup or some sort of relationship downturn. It’s not the greatest feeling, and this is coming from a woman who had suffered heartbreak before. Viewing relationships now as a person in a healthy and strong relationship with Jason, really puts a lot of things into perspective. There are so much pain that a breakup brings, yet the lessons you learn throughout the breakup process is really something that will strengthen your character, and help define who you are.

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Before I dive too much in, please do not assume that Jason and I are going through a rough patch. You see, this blog was originally a relationship blog, and I just wanted to touch base with my roots. This post is for the other girls out there who currently have broken hearts.

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Let me tell you how you can overcome the breakup pain. Coming from a “professional relationship guru” – duhhhhhh.

I’m going to be honest with you – the first month after a breakup will be hell. You will spend the first few nights crying and the next few days feeling empty. But it is important to feel all of it. Cry your eyes out. Lay in bed and feel that pain. You must submerge yourself in the pain. Take note of how your heart beats for the love it cannot receive… take note of how your mind still stirs clear with the memories… take note of how your body is still functioning despite the pain you’re feeling inside… take note of how you’re still breathing… take note of your heartbeat, silently reminding you that you’re still alive… even after this breakup, you must understand that you still have a life to live.

There are 5 key steps you must go through after a breakup.

1.)  Cry it out

  • If you must cry it all out. There will come a point wherein the tears will eventually stop. For now, let yourself cry… don’t hold it back. Letting it out earlier is the fastest way of moving on. You definitely do not want to be that person 6 months or a year from now, who is still crying over a breakup…. nope, not you. In that case, the sooner you let your tears out, the faster you’ll arrive to a healed heart.

2.) Find an outlet

  • By any means, you must find ways to pull yourself together – you need an outlet. Think of an outlet as an “escape”. In your case, you need to escape the breakup pain. The sole purpose of an outlet is to help you escape the pain, even for a few hours. Outlets are distractions. For the most part, we all have plenty of outlets. School and/or work is one of our biggest outlets. We have our jobs, and some of you will have classes to attend. By dragging yourself to your office or by waking up early for that lecture, actually helps elevate your mind away from the pain. The idea is to have your attention diverted to other important things, not just your heartbreak. The more ways you can think of to distract yourself from the ugly reality of your breakup, the better.
  • Outlets can be people too. Your friends and family are the best outlets to reach out to during a breakup. They’re the ones who will know exactly what to say and what to do to distract you from the pain… they will know exactly what to do to make you feel at ease… and they will know exactly what to say to make you feel a little better.

3.) Don’t go back

  • We’ve all been there. The consideration of second chances and going back to your ex will be very, very appealing… you will probably consider calling him or texting him about 100 times during the few nights after the breakup. It’s a common response. We all want what we can’t have, even though we know it’s not good for us. Think about all the chocolates you’ve eaten a little too much of… You knew it’s not good for you, yet you still ate that extra box of Toblerone… Eating that extra box of chocolates and wanting to go back to your ex after a breakup are the same thing. It’s not good for you, yet I know, you’re going to do it anyways.
  • TRUST ME – you’re better off without that person. There’s a reason why the relationship failed and/or failing. Unless that problem had been sorted out, there’s no chance of “going back together” will work out. You can’t expect a bucket to get full with water if there’s a hole at the bottom… so what do you? You fix that motherfucking bucket, or replace it.

4.) Love yourself

  • I sound like a broken record, because this two word phrase, sentence, quote, whatever you want to call it, is my motto. “Love yourself” – the most important lesson that all of us must learn.
  • A healthy relationship always stems from the foundation of self-love a person has for herself/himself. How do you expect to love others, when you can’t even love yourself??? I know love is supposed to be selfish… but it’s not supposed to be selfless.
  • As painful as this sounds, the people who often fall out of love are those who lost sight of who they are. Once a person starts to lose themselves within the relationship, is when shit starts to fall apart. Literally. So, before you start jumping into a new relationship again, make sure that you have mastered the ability and skills required to prioritize yourself first. You owe it to yourself to have enough self-love, that your next partner can enjoy your love, and you can too. There’s nothing sexier than a lady who have her shit together.

5.) Grow

  • Just like the flowers, I hope you blossom during the spring after a cold winter. I know that you’ve probably been spending the past few days crying and feeling like shit… and that’s totally okay... I just want to assure you that one day, you’ll wake up a different person. After all this drama, you’ll be so much stronger, more beautiful, more independent, more of yourself than you’ll ever be. You’re going to grow.
  • Growth is an aspect of our lives we must always pursue. We all have room for growth, may it be in our relationships, careers, personal life, or even creatively. Growth is growth, and you must always strive towards it.

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Who we are as an individual is not defined by the failed relationships we had. Who we are, is defined by how well we rise above the challenges in our life. Who we are, is defined by the obstacles we conquered and our drive to continue pursuing a happy life. Most importantly, who we are is defined by the capacity of our hearts to give and receive love.

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*Photo was taken on June 25, 2017 – the day Jason Yang asked me to be his girlfriend*

The right love will come, and when it does, all the pain you endured will feel worthwhile. 

With love,

Mary Dezleigh Teodosio

How to be Single on Valentine’s Day

February 8, 2018

Dear Readers,

It’s that time of the year again!!! Ohhhh Valentine’s Day, it’s every cuffed up person’s favorite day, and also the WORST day for those who are forever alone.

Anyone who is currently in a relationship or who is dating, most likely have their own plans made for February 14th. Some may had booked an exciting night conquering escape rooms, or relaxing over paint night. Some may had already planned a romantic dinner date at a fancy restaurant, or through a lazy home cooked dinner. Some may had booked a getaway in Banff, or perhaps plan on skating around Bowness Park. It doesn’t matter how you choose to spend it, Valentine’s Day is best spent with the person who makes you feel like everyday is Valentine’s Day!

For Valentine’s Day this year, I probably will be somewhere in Calgary eating steak with Jason and perhaps, ending the night in a sexy lingerie somewhere… Jason and I will be celebrating our FIRST Valentine’s Day together… and trust me, we had planned something quite amazing to make February 14, 2018 a memorable day.

BUT WHAT ABOUT THOSE UNLUCKY ONES… THE ONES WHO ARE SPENDING VALENTINE’S DAY ALONE?!?!? WHAT ABOUT THEM?!?

Last year, I had a pretty lonely Valentine’s Day too. In fact, I spent last year’s Valentine’s Day studying for my tax midterm. Having gone through Valentine’s Day alone made me understand why single people hate this day. It’s really annoying to be single on Valentine’s. As soon as February rolls around, you get bombarded by red hearts all over the malls, chocolates packaged in hearts, bears holding hearts, heart shaped stickers, heart themed decorations, roses, red ribbons, and more HEARTS all over the place!

As a single person, it can get really annoying… it’s like the world telling you that no one is ever going to be your Valentine… that you’re most likely going to spend another lonely Valentine’s Day… that no one is ever going to love you… that you will be, forever alone… single as fuck…

Well, you poor, unfortunate soul, I have a few tips to get you through February 14, 2018!

1.) Buy your own chocolates or ice cream or BOTH

Independence is a sexy thing. So enjoy in these overpriced chocolates or ice cream, and treat yourself! After all, you have no one to look sexy for anyways… and the chocolates/ice cream will truly help you feel better in your misery… so you might as well indulge!

2.) Write yourself a letter

Self-love is the best love! Since you won’t be getting any Valentine’s Day card from a special someone, then you might as well write a letter for yourself. In the letter, you should write about what you love about yourself and what makes you unique. The letter will remind you of how amazing you are, and how you don’t need another person to remind you of your greatness. AND… while you’re writing, go eat your pre-bought chocolates too!

3.) Find a single friend and make dinner plans

In the billions of people in this planet, I’m sure you’re not the only one who’s single. There are actually quite plenty of you guys! Find that one friend or acquaintance or cousin or sister or brother or neighbour and make dinner plans with them!!! I think this tip is best for those dreading the idea of being alone on VDAY. So, you might as well ask around and make dinner plans! This is a great chance for you to socialize and create memories with the people who cares about you! So what if you’re single, you have friends and family that loves you too!!!

4.) Go watch a movie

This Valentine’s Day there are actually a few movies that comes out on the 14th, or movies that are already in theatres. Hello, “50 Shades Freed” !!!! There’s nothing wrong with going to the movies on your own… I mean, yeah, people might judge you and think you’re weird… or a loner… but hey, YOU’RE A BOSS ASS B* and you don’t need to listen to anyone’s opinion of you. The best part of going to the movies, is the delicious fatty bag of popcorn you can shove your face in!!! And since it’s Valentine’s Day, you can buy 2 bags of popcorn all for yourself… and you don’t have to worry about sharing!

Side note: you can find a single friend to go to the movies with you too, you don’t have to go alone.

5.) DO YOU. 

If I was single on Valentine’s Day this year, I’d most likely be doing this. You can “DO YOU” in many ways! Here are some tips:

-take a long warm bath or get a massage

-treat yourself for a pedicure or manicure

-do a facial mask and light a candle in your room

-read a book and drink your favorite wine

-bake something… some people think baking is relaxing… and you get to eat it after too! It’s a win-win situation!

-workout!!! If you’re like me, you’ll find that working out is the best way to unwind and calm your mind… I feel so much better after a good sweat!!! Working out uplifts your mood and that’s what you really need as a single person on VDAY.

I don’t know how you best unwind and relax, but on February 14th, if you have nothing else better planned, then just relax…. DO YOU!!!

You’re an independent, strong, smart, beautiful, and amazing human being. Valentine’s Day is just one day in the year, wherein people get to do extra and special things for their partners. In my opinion, Valentine’s Day should be an everyday thing… but it exists to give couples an excuse to be “extra” for a day.  It’s not overrated (I know you’re thinking this right now), it’s just a day to treat your loved one even more special!

Well for you, since you’re out here reading my post… I want you to know that someday you’ll have a Valentine too. Love comes unexpectedly and it comes when the timing is right. So be patient, and for the meantime… focus on YOU! DO YOU!

Now, don’t be too salty over the couples flaunting and flexin’ on the gram… Just keep on scrolling!! Who knows, maybe next year you’ll find yourself being extra as hell on February 14th too! Maybe next year, you’ll finally have a Valentine… and that’s something to look forward to!

With love,

Mary Dezleigh Teodosio.

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“Slow Down” They Said…

July 19, 2017

Dear Readers,

Have you ever been so attracted to someone that his/her energy just pulls you in each day? Have you ever been so invested in someone that you find yourself wanting more? Have you ever been so fascinated by someone’s character that his/her aura just draws you in each day? Have you ever been so thrilled by someone that their presence alone gives you heebiejeebies? 

I have.

After many days of pondering about this post, and all the negative connotations that will come along with it, I’ve finally decided to just write it… so here it goes.

People in my life keeps warning me to “slow down” and to “take my time” with my new relationship. I appreciate the cautious reminder to be careful, however I know myself all too well by now. I fall fast and hard, and my heart is a fragile piece that enjoys the thrill of a new relationship. I’m the type of person who will give my all for the one who deserves my soul… I’m either all in or not at all. So for those people who keeps reminding me to “slow down”, “take it easy”, and to “protect yourself” – I appreciate the warning… but I think the words “taking it slow” are just not in my heart’s relationship vocabulary.

Surely, if Jason decides to break my heart again, I guarantee my whole blog will explode with more heartbreaking stories all over again. If Jason breaks my heart, at least another great blogpost will rise out of it. (Calm down guys, I’m being sarcastic)

All jokes aside, I entirely trust him. He’s truly someone who I can connect with in all aspects. Jason and I have the same vision and we both want the same things in life. I think that our shared desire to grow as individuals is what strengthens our connection in each other. For example, his desire to be an accountant is appealing to me, as it is the same goal I have for myself. His desire to travel the world draws me in, as it is a dream I share with him. His desire to have a family in the future pleases me, as it is also a purpose in life I strive towards. Essentially, we’re too alike to end up the wrong way. We want to grow as a unit instead of two separate entities… and that is why we fit so well together.

Our desire to grow together is what makes our relationship healthy. We’re not limiting each other’s dreams or limiting each other’s potential. Instead, we push each other for the best… to reach the capacity of each individual’s potential and to strive towards the same goals. For example, Jason supports my passion and dedication towards this blog as much as I support his passion to play basketball. He pushes me to do well in my current online class, as much as I encourage him to stay on track in school. He wants to become a CPA (Chartered Professional Accountant) as much as I do. He wants to discover the world as much as I do. He wants to have a family as much as I do. I can go on and on and on about all our shared attributes, desires, and goals that the list can stretch for miles.

SO WHY LIMIT THE POTENTIAL WE POSSESS? 

I’ll admit, the pace Jason and I are going through is quite fast. Most of my family and friends had already warned me about the excessive amount of time I’ve been giving into this new relationship… however, I don’t see anything wrong with it. Isn’t the point of being in a relationship is to commit to someone and to spend your time with them? I’ve already learned from my past not to invest too much of myself and believe me, I understand the importance of finding the balance to make yourself, your friends, your family and your partner happy. I haven’t lost myself yet… and you better believe I won’t lose track of the people I held dear before Jason came into the picture. This relationship is nothing like my past was and comparing my current relationship to that from my past is almost disrespectful. In my opinion, I believe that this pace suits US and that’s all that matters to me.

For those who are genuinely concerned (my mom and friends) about my heart moving too fast… don’t worry… I already know that my relationship is moving too fast. But believe me, Jason is the safest person to fall fast for. Even though we’ve only known each other for 2 months, it truly feels like him and I had known each other for much longer. He knows me a little more than my own family does. He knows me a little more than most of my oldest friends does. He just knows me too well, and I know him well enough to understand he’s not the type who “fucks around”… he’s too grown for that and I’m too grown to be wasting more of my time on irrelevant people. Most importantly, I will not lose myself in this relationship, in fact I can only see myself growing more.

So to answer all the concerns about my current relationship… YES, I am in love with Jason and NO – I think we’re not moving too fast at all. AND IF WE ARE MOVING FAST… I really don’t mind the ride. I’m in it 100% for the worst and best of it. If I fall again, I’ll take the failure as another lesson. If I hurt myself again, I know the pain will only make me stronger… and IF WE LAST, then it will prove to all that I made the right choice.

Don’t prove me wrong baby, the contents of my blog is partially under your control too… and you already know that my blog is the story of my life… so make it great!

With love,

Mary Dezleigh Teodosio.

Stampede 2017 - "Fireworks and a Kiss"
Stampede 2017 – “Fireworks and a Kiss”