When Girls Hate Each Other…

Dear Readers,

Millennials today have a big problem.

Nowadays, millennials measure beauty by the amount of likes and comments a girl can get on her Instagram photos. Thus, competition among girls lead towards aggressive and more negative forms. Today, girls online will simply hate on another girl just because she’s posting so much selfies which is attracting hundreds of likes each time. If a girl is getting more online attention, views, and followings, this can attract female jealousy and female hate. Other than online popularity, the less popular girls have their own share of online critics too. Today, it’s hard to find a place for a girl to express herself without being criticized or hated upon. It’s difficult to ignore that online attention can amount to both positive and negative types.

In this particular post, I want to address negative female behaviours towards their fellow females. Specifically, I want to talk about females hating on other females solely because of what they see online.

The idea of hating on another girl just because of what she posts online is absolutely horrific and sad for me. Most of this online hate comes in the form of “hate comments”, for example, “you’re fat”, “you’re ugly”, “try hard”, “ew”, and best of all, “slut”.

When girls hate each other, we go against the whole idea of women empowerment.

When girls hate each other, we prevent rising females to lead in an influential way.

When girls hate each other, we destroy each other’s self-esteems, and crush each other’s spirits.

Instead of supporting each other, women are sooooo good at dragging each other down. 

I truly, do not support the idea of dragging each other down. One girl who doesn’t fit the mold of societal beauty does not deserve to be criticized for her appearances. An Instagram model flaunting her god given gifts should not be criticized either. Any form of hate towards another girl’s appearance, clothing, lifestyle, or beliefs are unacceptable. Remember, if a girl is posting stuff online that DOES NOT HARM YOU OR AFFECT YOU, her postings should be none of your business. Yet, women’s inborn jealousy and arrogance will inevitably cause hate towards other women who she may perceive as a “threat”, or as “someone who is better than her”.

What happened to women supporting other women?

It doesn’t matter how big or small a girl is, how many followers she has, or what type of photos she posts online, because at the bottomline of it all, no one has the right to judge another by the way he/she decides to live and share their lives online. If someone is sharing posts that truly bothers you, my best advice is to, “unfollow”…. if it’s at the point wherein that individual is harming your peace of mind, the next best advice I have is to, “block”. Truly, there is no sense in starting online wars if the drama prevention steps, such as unfollowing and blocking are so easy to follow.

An Instagram influencer who works so hard on providing content, capturing marketable images, and starting a brand for her name, should not be condemned as one who is, “seeking for attention and fake” – She’s simply making moves and making a name for herself. This girl works so hard to get her creativity out, to create the best pictures and share meaningful content… why the hell would hate on that, is it because you can’t do it like she does? 

A girl who may only have 50 followers, have a different body shape than most, and may have severe social skills, does not deserve to be bullied online either. Who gave you the right to drag someone down… especially someone who is fighting her own battle against depression, handling her own mental issues and dealing with her other personal problems… This girl already has too much on her plate, and dealing with unnecessary online drama is punishment she does not deserve…who made you so perfect that you can freely criticize her appearance or life? 

We all have our battles. 

The online world is a cruel place to be for those who do not have tough skins, and strong minds. I feel bad for those girls who are always being put down on social media. Worst of all, I feel awful for those girls who lack confidence in themselves and thus feel the need to drag others down with them. Those girls who are so negative online, are the worst types of girls… I think that female online bullies have insecurities bigger than the girls they’re trying to drag down.

Females are just jealous creatures in nature. But this jealousy does not need to surmount your inner good. To type hateful comments online and to actively promote bullying requires action which is derived from one’s corrupted mind and heart. Instead of drawing energy from this, why can’t females just focus on the good instead?

Instead of promoting hate towards other females, why can’t we all just unite and support each other. Instead of commenting, “you suck”, why won’t you comment, “you’ll get better”. Instead of commenting, “you’re ugly”, why can’t you just say, “you’re pretty”, or say NOTHING at all. Some females fail to understand that their actions online have an impact to those targeted by their actions. One simple comment on a girl’s photo in Instagram can either make or break her day….

I choose to make her day. 

I’m the type of girl who would much rather comment positivity on someone’s page rather than typing negative comments. Remember, your actions online is also an image of who you are in real life. What you say online is a reflection of who you are. In so, I want to be someone who is known for being genuine, kind, and nice both online and in real life – this is why I choose to uplift females by saying nice things to them, complimenting them, and making them feel important. I would much rather be a positive female than a negative one. Think about it, doesn’t it make you feel good to be complimented?? Doesn’t it make you feel nice when someone else calls you, “pretty” or comments, “I love your outfit”?! So, why can’t we all just share this feeling of joy from being adored and supported… instead of making each other feel like shit?!

Online bullies will always exist.

The way to deal against these bullies is through unity in numbers. Think about it, there are more victims than there are bullies. If all of us victims, and non-victims support each other, I’m sure these online bullies will slowly disappear and stop. By making someone’s day as simple as commenting, “you’re pretty”, on their recent selfie online, or commenting, “good job”, on their most recent accomplishment, can outweigh any negative actions and ill wishes a bully will have. Our words matter. By saying or commenting something nice and sweet, can truly help to uplift someone who is having a bad day. Like I said before, we all have our battles… so why not ease each other’s battles by being a nice person to each other?

Spread love, not hate.

Don’t be that girl who hates too much on others, because when girls hate each other it’s a disease that will hurt as all. Remember, your online character/persona reflects you in real life too. So don’t act big and mighty online, when in reality you’re not.

HIKING THE CANADIAN ROCKIES

With love,

Mary Dezleigh Teodosio

The Key to Having a Positive Mind

Dear Readers,

In life, we will have many encounters of feeling down and low. Often than most, we truly need to strengthen our mental outlook of life. In times wherein it gets tougher to be positive, one must always remember that being a negative person does not lead towards anything great. Positivity is the answer to attracting the right people and the right opportunities. A positive mind can generate ideas like none other. A positive mind can empower one towards achieving set goals and dreams. The power of having a positive mind is the strongest superweapon of all.

The topic of keeping a positive mind is so important to me. As I recently shared, I’m going through some trivial moments, as well as transitioning into another chapter of my life (a.k.a being an adult). All of these mixed emotions can create a spur of joy with a sudden burst of fear. Thus, there are times wherein I find myself attracting negative thoughts and negative vibes. Personally, negativity is one giant word and idea I try to avoid at all costs. Negativity has this toll on me, once I let it in, even for a second, my mind’s regular and healthy flow is disrupted. I don’t fear negativity, what I fear the most is losing my positive nature because of it.

Not only do I have to overcome the lurking cancer scare around my family members (see previous post), I also have to overcome my own struggles. As a recent graduate with a degree, I’m facing the common struggles of many post-grads. These concerning issues includes:

-Student loans

-Debt

-Job prospects & security

-Financial capabilities

 

And many, many, many more. The list can go on for days if I wanted to. 

Despite my own share of stress and struggles, I’m forcing myself to maintain my inner positivity and clear state of mind. I want my objectives to remain clear and my focus intact. Throughout the years, I’ve realized that surrounding myself with negativity truly leads to no good. This quote I found online summarizes it all:

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The only thing that negativity has ever brought upon my life is doubt. A positive person knows full well that negative people will use their own doubts to pull them down. A positive person also understands that negativity creates doubt, which leads to fear. To be truly in control of a positive mind, one must understand the power of choice.

Each positive person must understand that they have the power to control their own minds. The freedom to force yourself to believe in the positive sides of life is truly liberating. A positive mind is an optimistic one, that views everything in its good light regardless of all the darkness surrounding it. A positive mind understands the power of training the mind to choose positive thoughts and thinking, rather than its opposite.

For each scenario, there will always be a positive and negative point of views. You see, the balance of life includes both positive and negative aspects. For example, Chinese philosophy highly describes life’s balance through the yin and yang. As famously known, yin and yang explains contradicting opposites as a way to achieve a balance. The circle symbol of a white pole and black pole signifies harmony. Without each opposite, achieving harmony and balance will be difficult. (Jason should really teach me more Chinese – their culture is quite fascinating!)

Now let’s use yin and yang in our positive minds versus negative minds analogy. Here’s an example for you to consider: A recent university graduate.

From our example above there are two possible ways of thinking about this:

1.) A positive mind will view this greatly because a degree means higher education; a higher education means greater opportunities.

2.) A negative mind will view this sadistically, by thinking about the student’s loans and debts.

What if we expand on our example. Now, consider this: A recent university graduate has no debt due to financial awards. 

Again, there are two possible ways of thinking about this:

1.) A positive mind will view this greatly because a degree means higher education; a higher education means greater opportunities. Given that the student has no debt, all his/her future salary can be saved for future goals e.i. a house, a car etc.

2.) A negative mind will view this sadistically, even though the student has no accumulated loans. A negative mind will then start to doubt the student’s career options given the competitive nature of the world.

Again, let’s further expand on our example. Consider this: A recent university graduate has no debt due to financial awards. After graduation, the student fails to find a job. 

The corresponding ways of thinking about this:

1.) A positive mind will view this greatly because a degree means higher education; a higher education means greater opportunities. Given that the student has no debt, all his/her future salary can be saved for future goals e.i. a house, a car etc. Since the new grad can’t find a position just yet, truly in the near future the perfect opportunity and window will come!

2.) A negative mind will view this sadistically, even though the student has no accumulated loans. A negative mind will then start to be a pessimist about the student’s unemployment given the competitive nature of the world. On top of that, the negative mind will be pleased to know that the student is currently unemployed. The negative mind will continue to doubt.

I think you all get the idea. 

The positive mind always focuses on the good things, while the negative mind always lingers around doubt. It’s the yin and yang of life. If there is light, there is also dark. But the best way to live, is by choosing to live in the light while understanding that the darkness exists. For each possible ways of thinking, the positive mind is always optimistic, hopeful, and joyful. On the contrary, the negative mind is always pessimistic, doubtful, and envious. It’s seriously like choosing to be either white and pure OR black and shady. But, be rest assured, in all scenarios of life you have the ability and option to pick and control your state of mind. Your choice of either having a positive mind or a negative mind, is purely under your control.

Choose to be positive.

Choose positivity.

Choose a positive mind.

Because by having a positive mind can take you places you’ve always dreamed of.

With love,

Mary Dezleigh Teodosio

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