The Key to Having a Positive Mind

Dear Readers,

In life, we will have many encounters of feeling down and low. Often than most, we truly need to strengthen our mental outlook of life. In times wherein it gets tougher to be positive, one must always remember that being a negative person does not lead towards anything great. Positivity is the answer to attracting the right people and the right opportunities. A positive mind can generate ideas like none other. A positive mind can empower one towards achieving set goals and dreams. The power of having a positive mind is the strongest superweapon of all.

The topic of keeping a positive mind is so important to me. As I recently shared, I’m going through some trivial moments, as well as transitioning into another chapter of my life (a.k.a being an adult). All of these mixed emotions can create a spur of joy with a sudden burst of fear. Thus, there are times wherein I find myself attracting negative thoughts and negative vibes. Personally, negativity is one giant word and idea I try to avoid at all costs. Negativity has this toll on me, once I let it in, even for a second, my mind’s regular and healthy flow is disrupted. I don’t fear negativity, what I fear the most is losing my positive nature because of it.

Not only do I have to overcome the lurking cancer scare around my family members (see previous post), I also have to overcome my own struggles. As a recent graduate with a degree, I’m facing the common struggles of many post-grads. These concerning issues includes:

-Student loans

-Debt

-Job prospects & security

-Financial capabilities

 

And many, many, many more. The list can go on for days if I wanted to. 

Despite my own share of stress and struggles, I’m forcing myself to maintain my inner positivity and clear state of mind. I want my objectives to remain clear and my focus intact. Throughout the years, I’ve realized that surrounding myself with negativity truly leads to no good. This quote I found online summarizes it all:

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The only thing that negativity has ever brought upon my life is doubt. A positive person knows full well that negative people will use their own doubts to pull them down. A positive person also understands that negativity creates doubt, which leads to fear. To be truly in control of a positive mind, one must understand the power of choice.

Each positive person must understand that they have the power to control their own minds. The freedom to force yourself to believe in the positive sides of life is truly liberating. A positive mind is an optimistic one, that views everything in its good light regardless of all the darkness surrounding it. A positive mind understands the power of training the mind to choose positive thoughts and thinking, rather than its opposite.

For each scenario, there will always be a positive and negative point of views. You see, the balance of life includes both positive and negative aspects. For example, Chinese philosophy highly describes life’s balance through the yin and yang. As famously known, yin and yang explains contradicting opposites as a way to achieve a balance. The circle symbol of a white pole and black pole signifies harmony. Without each opposite, achieving harmony and balance will be difficult. (Jason should really teach me more Chinese – their culture is quite fascinating!)

Now let’s use yin and yang in our positive minds versus negative minds analogy. Here’s an example for you to consider: A recent university graduate.

From our example above there are two possible ways of thinking about this:

1.) A positive mind will view this greatly because a degree means higher education; a higher education means greater opportunities.

2.) A negative mind will view this sadistically, by thinking about the student’s loans and debts.

What if we expand on our example. Now, consider this: A recent university graduate has no debt due to financial awards. 

Again, there are two possible ways of thinking about this:

1.) A positive mind will view this greatly because a degree means higher education; a higher education means greater opportunities. Given that the student has no debt, all his/her future salary can be saved for future goals e.i. a house, a car etc.

2.) A negative mind will view this sadistically, even though the student has no accumulated loans. A negative mind will then start to doubt the student’s career options given the competitive nature of the world.

Again, let’s further expand on our example. Consider this: A recent university graduate has no debt due to financial awards. After graduation, the student fails to find a job. 

The corresponding ways of thinking about this:

1.) A positive mind will view this greatly because a degree means higher education; a higher education means greater opportunities. Given that the student has no debt, all his/her future salary can be saved for future goals e.i. a house, a car etc. Since the new grad can’t find a position just yet, truly in the near future the perfect opportunity and window will come!

2.) A negative mind will view this sadistically, even though the student has no accumulated loans. A negative mind will then start to be a pessimist about the student’s unemployment given the competitive nature of the world. On top of that, the negative mind will be pleased to know that the student is currently unemployed. The negative mind will continue to doubt.

I think you all get the idea. 

The positive mind always focuses on the good things, while the negative mind always lingers around doubt. It’s the yin and yang of life. If there is light, there is also dark. But the best way to live, is by choosing to live in the light while understanding that the darkness exists. For each possible ways of thinking, the positive mind is always optimistic, hopeful, and joyful. On the contrary, the negative mind is always pessimistic, doubtful, and envious. It’s seriously like choosing to be either white and pure OR black and shady. But, be rest assured, in all scenarios of life you have the ability and option to pick and control your state of mind. Your choice of either having a positive mind or a negative mind, is purely under your control.

Choose to be positive.

Choose positivity.

Choose a positive mind.

Because by having a positive mind can take you places you’ve always dreamed of.

With love,

Mary Dezleigh Teodosio

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Stop Social Media Stalking Your EX!

June 13, 2017

Dear Readers,

Last Sunday I suffered another giant emotional breakdown which resulted to a late night parking lot conversation under the rain, followed by a plate of nachos in Denny’s at 2:00 am. My companion: someone who has changed my perspective on relationships, and he is also someone who I truly adore at this given time. However, this post is not about introducing this “new individual”, rather, this post is about why we ended up in a school parking lot, on a rainy Sunday night, with my tears streaming down my face while his hand was tightly holding mine. This post is a story about how one individual taught me how to truly let go of my past love and lectured me on how to finally move on.

On the hours prior to my emotional breakdown, I somehow found myself lurking around my EX’s Instagram account. I might as well add that this is NOT the first time I creeped my EX’s Instagram account since our breakup. I often find myself casually “checking” my EX’s page from time to time. As I opened my EX’s profile, I found pictures that turned my whole mood upside down and left me in total disarray. I’ve seen pictures of people I didn’t want to see. I was caught up in an ocean of anger, sadness, jealousy, betrayal, and many more unexplainable feelings. Due to this mix of emotional chaos, I broke down and transferred my emotional aggressions and frustrations to this “new individual” – let’s call him “J”.

J and I had been seeing each other for a few weeks before this emotional breakdown. Now, it’s important I mention all his attributes so that you would have a better understanding as to why my actions on that Sunday night were completely outrageous. He’s a charming gentleman, mature, responsible, smart, sweet, sincere, and incredibly kind. For the past few days leading to that particular Sunday, J and I were undeniably sharing a deep interest and attraction to each other. Everything between J and I were going along great and we were off to a great relationship beginning. But, after seeing what I saw on my EX’s Instagram profile our tranquility as a pair was threatened. Out of the blue, I gave J a panic call exclaiming to him how, “I want US to end”.

In his confusion for my profound and unexplainable behaviour, he asked for the reasons why I made such a sudden decision. You can’t really blame him for being bewildered because we had been having great time together before all my emotional commotion occurred. Therefore I told him, “I’m not ready for this [relationship] yet again, I’m clearly not over my EX yet”. Furthermore, he asked me why I still feel this way… It has been months since my breakup, yet I still get affected by my EX’s actions. My only response was an explanation of what triggered my emotions which can all be blamed to MY decision on creeping my EX’s Instagram account.

IT WASN’T SOCIAL MEDIA THAT CAUSED MY ERRATIC BEHAVIOUR AND UNCONTROLLABLE EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWN – IT WAS ME.

Refusing to end the beautiful beginning we were having, J insisted we have a talk in person despite of how late the night was getting. Without any further hesitations, I agreed to having our talk in person and he drove over to my house within the next 20 minutes under a rainy June night. Our “talk” began shortly after he picked me up from my house and we drove straight to a quiet school parking lot nearby.

In all, J made me realize that social media “stalking” and “creeping” is one of the reasons why I can’t move on. I’m getting too caught up with what my EX is doing in his life, which is directly preventing me from living my own. You see, J rationalized my behaviour and the results of it through explaining that I placed myself in this emotional situation. It was my fault for lurking around too much. It was my fault for creeping too much. It was my fault for always spying on my EX. It’s my fault as to why I still can’t move on from my last relationship.

WHY?

If I hadn’t been creeping my EX’s Instagram account on that Sunday night, then I wouldn’t have that particular conversation with J. If I didn’t “check” on my EX’s new posts, J and I wouldn’t have to deal with my delirious state of mind. If I refused to spy on my EX, then I wouldn’t have felt unworthy, unsatisfied, unloved, unappreciated or undeserving. These are the reasons why I need to stop social media stalking/spying/creeping/checking on my EX. I placed myself in this emotional state of mind. I caused this emotional wreck inside of me, simply because I still find myself lurking around my EX’s Instagram page.

Does it really matter who HE is dating now? Does it really matter what HE does? Does it really matter what HE posts? His life doesn’t involve me anymore. I’m only fooling myself by creeping too much. I’m only hurting myself by looking too much… and I can’t let this happen anymore. I need to move on. 

In order to move on from the past, one must learn to take all the steps necessary to move on. In my case, I must learn to stop spying/creeping on my EX and focus more on me and my own relationships.

I almost lost a great guy that night… I’m glad he stayed and talked me out of making yet another dumb choice. 

At that night, I realized how I must learn to move on, instead of holding on to the memories of my past. That Sunday, I realized how there are people out there willing to fight for me and who are willing to be a part of my life. I learned that I can’t fully let go of the memories from my past, however, I can create better memories with better people. I must learn to let people in, instead of pushing people away. J made me realize that I am wasting too much of my time worrying about other people’s lives, when I have a beautiful life of my own to live. From now on, J made me swear on how I should truly move on by living my own life and worrying less about my EX. I can’t keep losing track of my new relationships and new beginnings… remaining stuck in the memories of my past will not lead me to growth and self-fulfilment. Therefore, I must let go and move on.

No more social media stalking/spying/creeping/checking on my EX or on other irrelevant people. The ones who are truly meant to be a part of my life will be a part of MY social media accounts… I shouldn’t waste my time searching for “ghosts” in my life, because the real ones should already be surrounding me.

Through this, I hope you all learn from my mistakes. If blocking your EXs on social media is not your thing, then you should have the will power to resist the urge on lurking around your EX’s social medias. If you can, PLEASE BLOCK YOUR EX ON ALL YOUR SOCIAL MEDIAS. This will truly save you a lot of heartache and help you to move on faster. The only reason why my EX is still unblocked from my social medias, is simply because I know he’s viewing my life through my accounts and regretting each mistake he has made upon me.

Sincerely,

Mary Dezleigh Teodosio.

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Enjoy Your Freedom – A Tip to Single People for Summer 2017

May 25, 2017

Dear Readers,

Since summer is coming up fairly quick here, it’s important that you remember to enjoy yourself to the best you can. Let “Summer 2017” be your season to explore the world, expand your horizons, meet new people, party hard each weekend, get lost somewhere, spontaneous car rides to unknown destinations, ice cream runs at 1 AM, early morning jogs or late night walks, or simply chill at home as you finish yet another Netflix show. As a single person, there’s so much you can do within the summer months. So relax, take it easy and enjoy your independence. This summer, just find comfort in your singleness knowing that it’s not “cuffing season” just yet.

What is “cuffing season”?

“During the Fall and Winter months people who would normally rather be single or promiscuous find themselves along with the rest of the world desiring to be “Cuffed” or tied down by a serious relationship. The cold weather and prolonged indoor activity causes singles to become lonely and desperate to be cuffed” (Urban Dictionary, 2017, source).

This summer, I hope you find yourself even more. Let this summer be one in which you allow yourself to be surrounded by joy, fun, adventure, and happiness. If you’re single like me, here’s the best advice I can ever give you for the next 3 summer months: STAY SINGLE.

Trust me, there’s so much to do on your own. 

If you’re reading this as someone who’s currently in a relationship, well I still hope you and your partner have an amazing summer too. But for the most part, this post is truly aimed for those who are currently single – especially the ones (like me) who are going through their first summer of being single after many, many, many years of being tied down in a relationship. You see, upon deep reflection about wanting to have someone to share my “Summer 2017” with, I realized that I’m perfectly fine on my own for the season. My summer should not revolve around nobody else but me.

As a student I don’t really have plenty of time to spend socializing and having fun when the Fall and Winter semesters begin. In September, I will enter my 4th and final year in university. I promised myself that my last year as a student will be completely devoted in achieving my academic goals and focusing solely on the foundation of my future career. Thus, it makes sense for a student like me to take advantage of “Summer 2017”. I only get 3 months during the year to take a break from my responsibilities at school. I only get 3 months off from the stress and hard work… so why not make each and every single day in those 3 months count? 

For the most part, I truly want to share the next 3 months creating lasting and fun memories with my new and old friends. This summer, I want to create stories worth sharing at my wedding someday. I want great and epic summer stories that will blow my future fiancé’s mind!!! So far, I’m already off to a great start. There has been a few experiences my friends and I had gone through the past month that we all will remember for the rest of our lives (i.e. “Bespoke Squad” – to my friends, this inside joke is for you). For the summer, as absurdly profound and dumb as this may sound, I am also doing a “Party Weekend Streak (P.W.S)”. This P.W.S is currently going strong and I’m already on my 8th weekend in a row. My main rule for P.W.S is fairly straightforward: party at least once on the weekends until summer ends. My goal this summer is to reach 15 weekends of straight P.W.S. Just imagine what stories are there to be unfolded and future stories I could tell with my P.W.S!!!

Another reason why being single this summer is ideal for me is that this blog is going to require so much work and attention for the next 3 months. As I get busier in school in September, I will barely have time to blog and share my ideas. I’m building my blog as much as I can right now, knowing that I’ll eventually slow down once school begins. As a single person, I control so much more of my time. Given all the freedom I have, I can choose when to go out for a photoshoot, when to record, when to edit, when to write, and I have more flexibility with my time. If I was still in a committed relationship, I may have to adjust my time to my partner’s as well as to mine. Thus, it’s better that I’m currently single because my time is not shared with anyone else but me!!! Meaning, I can do absolutely whatever I want for the next 3 months without any boundaries or hinderance. Be ready for all the blogposts, videos, photos, collaborations, and ideas I have coming up!!! This summer, I’m releasing bangers after bangers, after bangers!!!

Lastly, I truly think that being single for the summer is what my heart and soul needs. I need to experience a summer of being an independent being without having any commitments to anyone. I need to be selfish this summer and just do things that I want. Since my past 5 years relationship, I had gone through 5 straight summers sharing it with the exact same person. Within those summers, I’ll admit that I lost track of the things I wanted to do as an individual. I don’t even know what it’s like to be single during Stampede (Calgary Festival that occurs annually in July) – I heard the parties are wild around this time in the city. What if I meet my next boo then? In addition, I want to fully realize my individual growth before I turn 22 years old this August 30th. I want to gift myself an awesome summer experience in which I know for certain I wouldn’t experience if I was in a relationship. Therefore, I will take my time this summer to experience all those selfish desires I’ve always had but never achieved. Simple desires such as: focusing on my hobbies (blogging, jogs, brunch dates, hiking etc.), celebrating life with the people I genuinely have fun with, and meeting new and exciting people that has the potential of changing my life for the best.

You see, a relationship does not prevent one in attaining all the points I mentioned of why being single for the summer is a great idea. But to most people, having a summer to experience the single life to its fullest is an opportunity we should take. In the future, once we find the right person for our love, we will have plenty of summers to share with him/her. So why rush it all?!? Take this summer now, and make it your own!!! Who knows, this could be your last summer as a single person. Maybe sometime next summer you’ll have someone to share all of this with. But for now, enjoy yourself and don’t ruin your  own version of “Summer 2017”. If you want, you can join me in my P.W.S. or even create your own summer blog! Whatever it is, I hope you find yourself this summer. Enjoy your freedom, because you deserve it.

Sincerely,

Mary Dezleigh Teodosio.

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